Episode 11 of the Final Season of LOST

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!! Yet again we will be exploring the latest episode of LOST for super secret secrets.  Like what the show is REALLY about.  I mean it this time.  I’m sure they won’t change it again.  Right? Sigh.

Love as depicted by this episode of Lost.

My plan was to go do some internet snooping and sound all smart as I explain what multiple universe theories are and how they are related, but then I got really confused by the Wikipedia entry and gave up.  I can’t imagine anything as intellectually degrading as being confused by Wikipedia.  Frown.

I’m also a little nervous that last week a guy got pulled out of a submarine and this week we got a whole episode dedicated to him.  If each of these characters is getting their own storyline, then we have a long way to go before getting to the end of the series.  Thankfully (for many reasons), we stopped dedicating every other episode to Jack.  Thankfully we have one storyline to follow this time.  Unthankfully the theme of this episode was love.  And not the good, passionate kind of love that Ricardo treated us to.  This was the love at first sight, everything is sunshine and lollipops, I’m gonna marry that cute boy/girl/class pet that I met in jr high kind of love.  Gross.

Overall What is Happening

So LOST is a sales pitch for the concept of multiple universes.  That explains a lot of what has been happening in this show.  In one universe you’re on an evil island with Sad Day Monster.  In another, Linus is a shady teacher, Locke can’t feel his legs, Kate is fugitive, Jin and Sun can’t speak English, Claire is slightly less crazy, Jack is a terrible dad, Sawyer and Miles are secret cop lovers, and Sayid… well… Sayid is pretty much the same guy, he just has no respect for the vows of marriage.  I think you know where my preference lies. (Hugs Sad Day Monster)

Just enjoying some ice cream with my buddy.

Desmond is a dude who can withstand HUUUUUGE amounts of electromagnetic activity.  He also is a dude who wants to get freaky with the boss’s daughter.  After a long day of “corral the crazy” another dude explains that huge amounts of energy can mess up the universe and send it down and alternate path.  It gives Desmond a crazy idea about contacting everyone else on his flight.  As you can tell, lots o’ crazies in this episode.

More Detailed Episode Recap

Dez (can I call you Dez? Great.) wakes up and is all groggy and junk.  Smurfette (the only chick on nerd island) informs him that he has been unconscious for 3 days and they gave him a shot to help wake him up.  I hope they changed his clothes before waking him up, because after 3 days he has to be covered in filth.  If you know what I mean.  And I think you do.

Dez asks Smurfette if she is a nurse.  She somehow holds back the feminist frustration as she wonders how to make it any clearer that she is a geophysicist.  Dez asks to see Penny. We learn that that dork Linus shot him.  Whitmore comes in to instill peace.  He lets Dez know that he’ll see his wife and kid soon enough but if he had asked Desmond to come with him to the island, he would have never come with him.  Dez goes B-A-N-A-N-A-S and starts beating Whitmore with his IV.  They inform him the island isn’t done with him yet.  As long as they keep bringing him back there it never will be.  He gets subdued and screams.  This whole sequence reminded me a lot of The Room (http://tinyurl.com/ayygso).  Which I realize is probably the most insulting thing you can say about something, but that is not my intention.

Now that Dez is under control, they can turn their attention to Jin.  He demands to know why Dez is here.  Whitmore says to take him to the generator room to explain.  Because words are hard.  Some nerd flips out that the test isn’t supposed to be until tomorrow.  Whitmore informs them he is aware of the schedule, but would like to test it now anyway.  As they are walking, Smurfette tells Jin this is not time for sightseeing.  He wasn’t really sightseeing.  Just looking at the shed.  No need for a ‘tude.

The next sequence is an absolute delight of scientific terms that 99% of the audience can’t call nonsense on because we don’t know any better.  These all might be real things, but to me it sounded like kids playing pretend.  The EN field is functioning!  We have a faulty contact!  Check the solanoids!  All this means the machine is busted.  They send out Man #1 to scope things out.  While he is gone, one of the nerds turns to a rabbit and let’s him know he is going to die once they get this fixed.  Cool.  Thanks for the heads up, chief.

Whilst Man #1 is checking things out inside the machine, Bumbleclot (the clumsy 50’s sitcom stereotype) notices that the fuse is just out (headslap).  Oblivious to the world around him, Bumbleclot throws the switch and turns on the machine.  Man #1 starts getting electromagnetized.  Despite everyone yelling to turn off the machine, Bumbleclot takes at least 5 minutes to finally power the thing down.

Everyone runs out to make sure Man #1 is really dead. I was expecting Dr. Manhattan to emerge and that we would have to look at a giant blue organ (c’mon, you know what I’m talking about) for the rest of the episode.  Lucky for the fellas, the guy just got crisped.  Desmond looks scurred. They’ll probably do the rabbit after him, then. Seems like they are wasting a perfectly good test bunny if they don’t.  Also, what are they trying to test with the rabbit?  That’s like testing if a gun will kill someone by shooting a cat.

The good news is they have a sheet to cover up the burnt up guy.  Whitmore says “Stop.  I want to look into his eyes one more time.”  After showing everyone who joined the show late what they missed, he puts the sheet back and says to put Desmond inside.  They drop him in a chair and a nerds asks if he has keys or chains.  Whitmore flips out at the question and says “Course he doesn’t!”  Whitmore has really high expectations for these scientists’ knowledge of kidnapping.  Thankfully, we get the lazy explanation that we need to find out if Desmond can survive a catastrpohic event because he will have to survive another one for the good of the island.  Also, Whitmore sacrificed his son for the good of the island.

It takes Dez all of 10 seconds to break out of the chair.  They turn on the machine.  Magnetic Flux Density! And Desmond passes out.  Stock footage of clouds.  Airport.  Smoothest transition to Snoozeville yet.

Desmond is looking at a board when Hurley tells him their baggage is on carousel 4.  Thanks Hurley.  Stop trying to pick up dudes at the airport and mind your own business.  At carousel 4, Desmond starts hitting on Claire because picking up a pregnant Australian woman at the LAX baggage claim is on his bucket list.  This serves two purposes: One) Have Desmond interact with Claire to meet the criteria that everyone see each other again.  Two) Find out Desmond doesn’t like surprises.

Desmond meets his driver, named George.  George is annoying.  I’m a little surprised he doesn’t double as a translator.  He offers to get Desmond dinner reservations or prostitutes.  This guy is so annoying that even if I did want a hooker I would have someone else get it for me.  Dez just asks to get taken to the office.  George makes secret plans to send a hooker up.

At the office Dez and Whitmore have a bro hug.  Whitmore has a job for Dez.  His son is a musician.  It’s basically a combination of classical with modern rock.  I’m imagining Sigur Ros. Or that time Metallica played with an orchestra.  The band’s name is Dry Shaft. Ummmmmm… why?  Desmond’s job is to keep an eye on an OD’ing bassist.  Desmond says sure.  The correct answer is “C’mon. You want me to keep an eye on a junkie bassist in a band named Dry Shaft? You’re messing with me, right?” I guess Desmond just has no self respect.

At the fuzz (police) station, Condom Drug Hobbit (CDH) emerges.  He’s the bassist!  And we have another improbable encounter of two people who were on the same flight.  CDH immediately scores points with me by blowing off Desmond, walking into traffic, and saddling up to a bar and drinking some whiskey.  Then he immediately loses all those points by going into a diatribe about how Desmond has never been in love.  CDH says he was in love with a girl on the plane.  Dez sez “Enlighten me.”  “She had HUGE boo-” Oh.  Wait.  He says it was the girl with the handcuffs.  Really, CDH?  You’re losing your mind over Kate?  I don’t even think she was the most attractive girl on the plane.  Anyway, he goes into a story about how he saw the cops on the plane, he knew they would search him.  He went to the bathroom to swallow his drugs (why not just throw them away?) and choked.  Whilst choking he got enveloped with happy feelings and saw her.  Therefore it must be love.  I think it’s the heroine.  He then says he woke up to some idiot standing over him asking if he is alright.  Ha ha! Points returned for calling Jack an idiot!

Desmond, like everyone else, stopped listening to this boring story a while ago.  He tells CDH he can either come with him or lose his music career.   CDH sez it sounds like there really isn’t a choice.  “There’s always a choice, brotha.”  “Good point.  I choose booze.”  JK!  He went with Desmond.

In the car, Dez and CDH are listening to the radio.  CDH: “This is my band.”  Me: “Then your band sucks.”  Desmond is more polite and just ignores him.  CDH, high on drugs, decides to prove his point about love and grabs the wheel.  Apparently they’re in a Toyota because rather than just hitting the brakes, Desmond accelerates.  With nowhere else to go, they drive into the ocean. Good thing that marina was there.

Desmond unbuckles his seatbealt and before escaping plays a quick game of “grab the undies” with an unconscious CDH.  His survival instincts finally outweigh his perversion and he surfaces.  Once above water, he realizes that people can’t breathe underwater and CDH is in trouble.  He swims back down to get him.  CDH has “Not Penny’s Boat” written on his hand.  Dez saves him.

Dez is getting inspected by a lady doctor.  Rather than requesting a hernia check, he keeps asking where the guy he came here with is.  For some reason they won’t tell him.  Once the doc finds out he had a few hallucinations, she wants to do an MRI.  “I don’t have time for an MRI!” exclaims Dez.  Doc sez tough beans, you’re not going anywhere til we know what’s going on in your head.

At the MRI machine the tech puts a blanket on him so no one can look up his gown.  He also explains he’ll need to spend 30 minutes in there and there is a panic button.  Don’t hit that though because then they will just need to start over.  Guess what… He hits the panic button.  But first he kept seeing a lady and kid and stuff.  We know it is a hallucination because they used the same copper tone (not to be confused with Coppertone) from when CDH had stuff written on his hand.  After hitting the panic button, he unstraps himself and makes a run for the door.  The MRI tech doesn’t care about his job so he doesn’t stop him.

At the front desk Desmond is demanding to know where his friend is.  I guess the doctor lied and they will let him go before knowing what is going on in his head.  Don’t worry, Jack is right there.  And they remember each other from the plane.  What are the odds?  Extremely low.  Jack, in an attempt to think, looks befuddled as Dez explains his problem.  Lucky for him, CDH cames barreling down the hall.  Jack says “Stop!” and then gets knocked out of the way.  It’s a good thing he’s handsome, cuz he ain’t offering much else.

Hospital chase.  Desmond corners him.  CHD starts talking about love again and says he isn’t playing a rock concert.  After the sample we heard on the radio, I think that is a win for everyone.  He tells Desmond to stop worrying about him and find Penny.  Since this hospital is devoid of security, he walks past Dez and out the door.  Desmond needs to stop taking advice from a junkie.

Whitmore has his feet up and Desmond on speakerphone, which tells us that he is a bigshot.  Lacking any form of sympathy he calls Desmond a failure and says that he needs to tell Mrs. Whitmore that he failed.  George, still confused as to why Desmond hasn’t requested hookers, tells him that she is a tough lady to deal with.

At the event, Desmond finds Mrs. Whitmore.  He shakes her hand which instantly brings her out of menopause.  She says don’t sweat the band and she appreciates him telling her in person.  Who’s going to tell the rest of the band?  Oh well.  Desmond goes to leave and overhears the name Penny.  He asks to see the guest list and Mrs. Whitmore gets vicious on him.  Frankly, she confuses the hell out of me.  She says he is not ready to see the guest list and stop looking for what he thinks he is looking for.  Desmond leaves and asks George for a drink.  Sign me up.  George says “Whatever you need.  Like some prostitutes.  They’re ready whenever you are.”  Then Dan Whitmore says he needs to talk to Dez.

I've recreated the page from the notebook here.

I’m not going to waste anyone’s time by recapping the 30th rant about love and love at first sight in this episode.  Basically, he saw a hot chick, fell in love, then did physics in his sleep (not a euphemism). The theory here is that there are separate lives we are supposed to live and with a huge boost of energy we can alter the life we are living.  “So you want to set off a nuclear bomb.”  “… I think I already did.”  Look, Dan, you either did or you didn’t.  You should know.  Dan, trying to win a friend, tells Dez where he can find Penny.  In an unlocked stadium.

Penny is running the stairs in a really awkward way  I can’t put my finger on.  Dez initiates the creepiest meeting I have seen.  “Are you Penny?” “Yes.”  “Great.  I’m Desmond.  I’ve been trying to track you down since I hallucinated underwater and saw the name Penny written on the hand of a known drug user.  Even though it didn’t give a last name, I bet it was you.” She has terrible survival instincts.  She should have maced him by now.

CUT TO THE ISLAND! Whoa.  Oh.  Desmond wakes up and is doing just dandy.  He was only out a few seconds and Smurfette is intrigued.  Whitmore starts to pitch him on the importance and Desmond sez he completely gets it and wants to know when we get started.  Well, we’re 11 episodes in and nothing important has happened yet, Dez, so we’re on pace for another 30 hours before we get to where we need to go.  I’m excited for the next epis-

Fake ending!  Smurfette, Dez, and some nerds are walking through the woods.  She wonders why he suddenly is so cooperative.  Desmond says a lot can happen in 20 minutes.  Unless it is an episode of Lost.  In which case nothing happens in 20 minutes.  Sayid pops out of the woods and murders some nerds.  Or as I like to say, commits nerder.  He tells Smurfette to run.  She does.  He tells Desmond he is in danger and needs to come with him.  Desmond is smart and says “Great!”  Wow, now that ending really left me hanging, I wonder if next week they-

Fake ending!  Another one?  Alright.  Back to Snoozeville, Desmond passed out after shaking Penny’s hand.  Penny is not thrown off.  He asks if she wants to get a coffee.  “I’m sweaty.” “I fainted.”  I’m sorry, the correct answer is that it is 11pm and coffee will keep you up all night.  Might I suggest going for a cocktail instead?  Penny ignores me completely (ingrate) and says she will meet him in an hour at a coffee shop.  So did she skip the charity event then?

Desmond gets back to his limo.  George asks if he found what he was looking for.  Dez sez yes and has a weird look on his face.  George once again offers to get anything he needs.  Desmond says there is one thing, those hookers you keep pushing on me.  George gets excited and asks if he really wants them.  Desmond says no, he really just wants the passenger list from his Oceanic flight.  He needs to show them something.  I don’t you can get that list, Desmond.  Also, you don’t need it.  You’ve encountered everyone on that flight at some point in the last 24 hours.

Thoughts I Have

  • For the second straight week I watched next week’s promo.  THERE’S A BLACK DUDE ON LOST!!!?!!?!?!??!
  • There was a promo for “V” that said everyone is talking about the show.  No they’re not, ABC.  No one is talking about that show.
  • Speaking of ABC.  They put Jamie Oliver’s show on at 9pm Friday.  I guess they assume all the fatties have nowhere to be on Friday night so they will be home to watch it.  Kind of a mean assumption, programming directors.
  • I wonder if the guy who plays Dan Whitmore is disappointed that Neil Patrick Harris stole his career.  He could have been in Starship Troopers.
  • Survival tip.  If you drive into water, roll down the windows.  Once the car fills up with water you will be able to open the door because the pressure will be normalized between the two.  You should also have a way to break the glass in your windows so if you can’t get them down for some reason, you can break the glass, then let the car fill.  I saw that on Dateline years ago.  This entry just saved some lives.

The medal I earned by including another survival tip.

114 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Ben on April 7, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    YES!!! The highlight of my Wednesdays is when a new post is up.


    • Posted by SawyersMoonbeam on April 11, 2010 at 12:05 pm

      THE ROOM!!!!! LOL!!!

      “I didn’t hit her! I didn’t hit her! Oh, hi Mark.”

      “Hello, doggie.”



  2. Posted by MojoFilter on April 7, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    Last sentences of the first three paragraphs:


  3. Posted by Will Dearborn on April 7, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    I just about spit my drink laughing when I got to “The band’s name is Dry Shaft. Ummmmmm… why?”


    • Posted by Ben on April 7, 2010 at 1:12 pm

      Next we’ll be hearing about Geronimo Johnson.
      Nice DT reference in your handle, btw.


      • Posted by Karl on April 7, 2010 at 8:00 pm

        DT fans are the best.


      • Posted by Juan Peron on April 8, 2010 at 6:24 am

        I like letting people know I get their obscure references by remaining cryptic. I feel superior to people who don’t know the material that way.

        (lest you think I’m a bitter loser, I’m well aware it’s from W&G by SK)


  4. Posted by Erin on April 7, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    So funny. I have to say I love LOST, but when I watch it now I can’t wait to see what you are going to say about the episode. Good job. Makes my day, every week. 🙂


  5. Posted by Jason on April 7, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Not first!


  6. Posted by John on April 7, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    Haha. It’s Drive Shaft and Widmore. Nice entry this week.


  7. Posted by Alanna on April 7, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    CONDOM DRUG HOBBIT is just too much to handle! LOL…just about the meanest/funniest way to describe Charlie. And I agree..Dry Shaft is hilarious.


  8. Posted by Scottie on April 7, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    Kate wasn’t the girl Charlie was talking about. She was the girl handcuffed to the cop. He was talking about Claire. Or some other blond girl, but I’m assuming it was Claire.


  9. Posted by Ben on April 7, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    Dial N for Nerder!


  10. Posted by marie on April 7, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    omg, awesomeness!! “Commit nerder”!! LMFAO!!!


  11. Posted by nancypie on April 7, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    My favorite line from this blog yet:

    Apparently they’re in a Toyota because rather than just hitting the breaks, Desmond accelerates.


  12. Posted by paradolex on April 7, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    These are great. This is the best one yet.

    And I’m sadly starting to realize that watching the final season of Lost without seeing the other seasons might not only make the show better, but also might make the plot make more sense.


    • Posted by Fan Of Lost on April 7, 2010 at 5:32 pm

      I dont think so at all. It’s just ruining the whole mystery of it. The only plus by watching it the last season is that your getting lots of answers so it seems easier to understand.


  13. Posted by JB on April 7, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    Some reality fact, Kate and Charlie (CDH) are actually a couple in real life, they met each other on the set of Lost (speaking of love at first sight). Keeps me wondering about what else happened behind the scenes of Lost. I stop thinking, I don’t want to know.

    Another great post again. Too bad you we’re not around for the previous seasons, it would create a real alternate reality of watching Lost. Keep it up!


  14. Posted by KellyT on April 7, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    Dry Shaft! Hah, awesome. That one never occured to me. Very nice.

    And what happens if you have electric car windows (like most people do these days) and nothing to break the glass with, huh? Screwed?

    That whole scene with Des picking up Penny in the stadium bothered me. For one, she didn’t even notice the ONLY OTHER PERSON in the entire place, even though he was hovering pretty dang close by. Also, she didn’t seem worried at all when he approached her. Um, never heard of stranger danger methinks. Or she has about a zero level of self preservation. Plus, she just suddenly seemed like the dumbest blonde ever (and yeah, she totally ran strangely; I mean, she wasn’t exactly Phoebe on “Friends” but there was something unnatural about it. I think she is clearly just not a runner in real life).


    • Posted by Kris10 on April 7, 2010 at 5:32 pm

      I think the point of that whole scene was to show that -despite- the awkwardness, there was a connection between the two that transcends the sideways world. But if it had been any other guy, she probably would’ve reacted “intelligently.”


    • Posted by meimy on April 8, 2010 at 1:39 pm

      Actually I heard that same thing about the car windows. The electric windows should still be able to work for a few minutes even after the car is under water.


    • Posted by thejoshbaker on April 13, 2010 at 8:14 pm

      the thing is to roll the windows down immediately when you know you are going in the water. You will not be able to do so once the water level has reached the windows because of the pressure. This is the same for both electric and manual windows.


  15. Seriously, this had to be the one episode in Lost Season 6 so far that made absolutely no sense unless you’ve seen everything Season 2 onwards. So I wasn’t lost, and I loved all the shout-outs to previous eps …. yet I wanted to see what a noob like Papa Durbin would think.

    I was not disappointed. 🙂


  16. Posted by u haz a fan (iz me) on April 7, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Thanks again hun, I’ll miss you so much when the show is over…

    “one of the nerds turns to a rabbit”
    See? Could be worse than being outsmarted by Wikipedia.

    Lol @ CDH!


  17. Posted by Violet on April 7, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    Love the recaps. Thanks for saving us from car drownings.


  18. Posted by paranoid android on April 7, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Desmond episodes are really tough for newbies, so I’m not surprised the point of this ep went COMPLETELY over your head.
    So many great reveals and you just couldn’t see them, it’s almost sad…
    On the other hand, “Condom Drug Hobbit” sums up Charlie’s character perfectly!


  19. Posted by Goose on April 7, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    Another great entry. I loved the Drive Shaft mishap. Funny stuff!!


  20. great post. this is probably the only episode you would have enjoyed more if you had seen the earlier ones.


    • Posted by Nick on April 7, 2010 at 9:14 pm

      I’m pretty sure he wasn’t a fan of Dr. Linus as well, which relied a lot upon knowing Ben’s relationships with his dad, Alex, and everyone on island.


  21. Dry Shaft!!! Way to make me lose it at work.


  22. Posted by Red on April 7, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    Good stuff. But as mentioned, Charlie was talking about Claire on the plane, not Kate, he mentioned Kate because he saw that she was in handcuffs and with a US marshall, and that was the reason he decided to go and dispose of the drugs – but as he was about to die he saw a blonde woman, Claire.

    I wouldn’t usually spoil the idea of the blog by revealing stuff, but this isn’t revealing anything you haven’t seen, this is something that happened in the episode you watched but made a mistake on. And of course, I still believe you have seen more of Lost than you let on. 😀


    • Posted by Juan Peron on April 8, 2010 at 6:27 am

      Yeah, he gets names wrong too consistently.


      • Posted by watched17times on April 8, 2010 at 9:21 pm

        I think the names are wrong kinda on purpose for the comedy factor. I think in the beginning it was unintentional. I am so used to the humor in these posts, most of it is predictable. At first I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Now, I actually think it is kind of ruining the show for me. It makes me think of it as stupid. I love being intrigued by LOST and never thinking anything could be stupid. It makes me stop and look at it as a “show” instead of real characters in a real story. And if it is a good story with good actors, you get sucked in and believe they are real…. Not in a schizophrenic way…but in a way that you can feel the emotions the writer is trying to evoke in you. I love Jack and the fact that he keeps making fun of him kinda bothers me. : (


        • Posted by elsie on April 8, 2010 at 9:47 pm

          It’s “actually kind of ruining the show” for you?

          Gee, if only there were something you could do to avoid having this blog ruin the show for you. Anything at all. Even if it were something you’re doing now that you could STOP doing.

          Gosh, I can’t think of anything at all. I mean, it’s not like you have a choice about reading this blog…


        • Posted by Dan on April 8, 2010 at 11:57 pm

          Eh, for me the show had lost its steam by the end of season 2. Season 1 was sufficiently creepy (the whispering, the trees knocked down, the noises, the dead people appearing), but then they started turning the unknown into an everyday event until it just kind of became…ordinary.


  23. Posted by LostAli75 (rugbygrl) on April 7, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    just about pissed my pants reading this entry!!!!!!! MY GOD the things you hopefully learn after all is said and done. Bravo – and btw – you’re nick names are by FAR the BEST I’ve come across on any blog about this show.


  24. Posted by Kristi on April 7, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    Hehehe- so many funnies in this post.

    “Apparently they’re in a Toyota because rather than just hitting the brakes, Desmond accelerates. ”
    Committing “nerder”

    And I’m glad I wasn’t the only one thinking about the whole “wait till the car fills up with water and then you can open the doors” trick during the underwater scene. I think that’s also in the “Ultimate Survival Guide Handbook” somewhere…


  25. Posted by debbie on April 7, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    This was a GREAT episode, but without the backgrounds of Des and Penny, Eloise, Daniel and Charlie there is no way this makes sense. PLEASE go back to the beginning once this season is over and watch the whole series. It’s too good to miss.


    • Posted by philw1776 on April 7, 2010 at 5:51 pm

      Yah, like the author hasn’t already seen previous seasons (eyerolls)


      • And you know this….how?


        • Posted by Matt on April 13, 2010 at 4:20 am

          I think how he constantly makes totally implausible mistakes in the names is a good clue.. like “OH MY GOODNESS.. I think Widmore’s name is WHITMORE and Drive Shaft is DRY SHAFT.”

          Like he doesn’t read his comments either and see his mistakes.

          Face it, the whole gimmick is he has supposedly never watched an episode of Lost..but suddenly wants to do this blog? It wouldn’t work if he didn’t make that claim, untrue as it is if you ask me (or anyone with a modicum of pessimism)

          But if that ruins this for you, go on with the naivety and believe he really had no idea what any of the show was about before LA X.


          • Posted by studiorose on April 15, 2010 at 11:41 pm

            Oh believe me, I have TONS of pessimism, and this blog wouldn’t be “ruined” for me if he was putting us all on. It’s a fabulous parody, if nothing else. But I honestly don’t think his name mistakes are “totally implausible.” Fact: I didn’t know several of the character’s names (or how to spell them) during the first season until I read them on-line, and I’m guessing I wasn’t the only one.

            I imagine he does read the comments, which is why it’s such a shame that people keep insisting on correcting him.

            I’m not naive, I just need proof that he’s putting us on, not speculation.

  26. Posted by kid entropia on April 7, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    “I can’t imagine anything as intellectually degrading as being confused by Wikipedia. ” hahahahahaha, oh my god. that was just impossibly brilliant xD. you should patent that phrase/make t-shirts with it.


  27. Posted by Justin Stephen Xavier Smith on April 7, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    I just love all the random menial facts you include, like the fact that the MRI doctor must not care about his job because he didn’t chase after Desmond. Those small comments make me smile.


  28. Posted by Esther on April 7, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    They inform him the island isn’t done with him yet. As long as they keep bringing him back there it never will be. Hahaha you made me laugh as always…

    It really drives me crazy when people start explainig things to you. If you haven’t watched LOST, you are not supposed to know who the blonde woman is! maybe they are going to show it next week but if you read some comments, now you know.

    Anyways, great job! and for me it was a way overrated episode, it was ok but not great. Big part of it was meh was that corny talk about love at first sight, like your whole world is worthless unless you have that, it was way too stupid.


  29. Posted by oldfarmer on April 7, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    Too Funny! People stop helping this guy.


  30. Posted by Goatjugsoup on April 7, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    dude best blog ever, been reading it every week it is hilarious


  31. Posted by elsie on April 7, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    DUDE, best post yet! Condom Drug Hobbit ftw.

    I should congratulate you on a sort of synergy. I am a faithful viewer who understood everything, and you are (allegedly at least) a Newbie Who Has Never Seen LOST. Up to now, part of the fun of reading this blog is that you’re funny, but also the contrast between your Newb reaction to the show and my Non-Newb reaction to it.

    But on this episode, even though I know exactly what’s going on and you (allegedly) don’t have a clue, our reactions are EXACTLY THE SAME.

    That is hilarious. And any longterm LOST fan would add, “that has to mean something.”


  32. Posted by mediaphyter on April 7, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    I love this blog so much. I almost look forward to reading it more than I look forward to watching LOST. Comedy gold!


  33. Oh my word. I just came across your blog through a friend & it seriously made my day.


  34. Posted by Jessa on April 7, 2010 at 6:07 pm



  35. Posted by Missjoke on April 7, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    Huge props for simply shouting out there Sigur Rós.

    “She has terrible survival instincts. She should have maced him by now.”
    I thought so at first, but then it’s like someone said, they have that connection, even in the alt timeline.

    “Or as I like to say, commits nerder.” BEST.LINE.EVER.


  36. Posted by Amy on April 7, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    hey– does anyone think that the Smurfette slightly resembles a cross between Tina Fey and Sarah Palin after they have jogged up and down stairs at a dimly lit, unsecured stadium?


  37. Posted by T on April 7, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    Man, I really love these posts but this one just did not do it for me. Maybe I took the episode too seriously but it just seemed like he was missing so much with the Penny/Charlotte/Claire connections (although Condom Drug Hobbit was great, and I seriously think its ridiculous that they always have people slam on the accelerator when they are in a struggle).


    • Posted by elsie on April 8, 2010 at 9:51 pm

      If he really hasn’t seen the show up to now, there’s NO way he could have made those Penny/Charlotte/Claire connections. It would look exactly like “junior high school love.” As a matter of fact, I’ve seen every episode at least three times, and my opinion matched his mostly – this one was emotionally flat even as it referenced great emotion.

      I agree, PD, the Richard episode showed how to rock an episode about love.


  38. Posted by Mike on April 7, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    When Widmore looked at the electromagnetized corpse for seemingly no reason, I thought, “That will totally be mocked on the Never Seen Lost blog.” You’ve managed to make an impression!


  39. Posted by LOSTIE on April 7, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    Love the 20 minutes comment 🙂


  40. “Penny is running the stairs in a really awkward way I can’t put my finger on. Dez initiates the creepiest meeting I have seen. “Are you Penny?” “Yes.” “Great. I’m Desmond. I’ve been trying to track you down since I hallucinated underwater and saw the name Penny written on the hand of a known drug user. Even though it didn’t give a last name, I bet it was you.” She has terrible survival instincts. She should have maced him by now.”

    This whole paragraph has me laughing out loud. I have to say that I thought she was running really weird, too, yet couldn’t put my finger on it! Too funny!

    I love your last thoughts! Brilliant! I look forward to your next post! Keep it up!!


  41. Posted by neverseenlostie on April 8, 2010 at 2:49 am

    i have been loving this blog since i read the very first entry but i have to say that this is hands down the best one yet.

    Dry Shaft…Condom Drug Hobbit…THERE’S A BLACK DUDE????

    so good…i really hope that this blog will continue once Lost is over. you should start watching episodes from the very beginning and blog about your impressions of those to see if any of it starts to make sense!


    • Posted by traci on April 12, 2010 at 4:15 am

      Actually, maybe he should watch all the seasons in reverse order!


      • Posted by Kira Mae on April 14, 2010 at 2:02 pm

        Oh man I was thinking the exact same thing! It would be fun to read through him assembling the whole LOST storyline in reverse-order… completely different things would come as a total shock, and things that shocked us Losties wouldn’t even phase him.


  42. Dahling- Window wuz down…
    Don’t go peeking at Lostpedia, you’ll ruin your innocence


  43. Posted by robert on April 8, 2010 at 8:44 am

    DRY SHAFT –so it is written- so is shall be-Forever You blog some really funny stuff. Thanks for your Work, Bob


  44. Posted by bernerbits on April 8, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    Dry Shaft? OK, count me in as one of the people who’s starting to get suspicious as to whether you’ve seen the show or not. How can you not know what a drive shaft is?


    • Posted by meimy on April 8, 2010 at 1:48 pm

      what’s a drive shaft?


      • Posted by grimalkin on April 8, 2010 at 5:16 pm

        I didn’t know what a Drive Shaft was either until I just Googled it.


        • Posted by meimy on April 8, 2010 at 5:52 pm

          ah, Google. OK I looked it up and that’s not something I would ever know, so it’s not exactly nice of you (OP) to imply that we’re morons, or that the author here is not legit, just because we are not familiar with that term.


          • Posted by elsie on April 8, 2010 at 9:54 pm

            Agreed. I can fix your computer with parts you’ve probably never heard of, but I don’t assume you’re an idiot because of that. No reason everybody in the world would know what a drive shaft is.

            Also, with the heavy non-US accents of everyone who said the band’s name, Dry Shaft is not a bad guess.

    • Posted by Dan on April 9, 2010 at 12:04 am

      Even if it is an intentional name mangling, the logical leap that “Aha! He must have seen the show” still eludes me…


    • Posted by bernerbits on April 9, 2010 at 8:07 am

      People are accusing me of being insensitive and insulting people’s intelligence. Look, the point is it’s just a very common piece of hardware and it’s very unlikely that you’ve *never* heard the term before, even if it hasn’t registered in your active lexicon or you had to use Google to find out what its precise meaning is.

      OK, he hasn’t seen the show before. OK, it’s a mistake anyone could make. OK, not everyone’s used to the accent. Let me see a show of hands of people who heard it as Dry Shaft when Charlie first said it to Kate in Season 1? You must forgive my skepticism if I don’t think that’s going to be very many. The sheer number of things he appears to be mishearing is starting to make me suspect (and I say *suspect*, not *accuse*) him of intentionally doing it to *sound* like a clueless first-time watcher.

      If you must know, I find the blog very funny and entertaining. Including this one. I thought it was much better written than a couple of the previous ones, and I got several good laughs out of it. But I thought I’d point out that “Dry Shaft” is starting to raise my suspicions about this guy. If some people think it’s mean and insensitive and insulting to people’s intelligence to point that out, then maybe some people need to just take a deep breath and count to ten, because someone coming on a LOST humor blog and making a criticism you disagree with is not the end of the world.


      • Posted by Dominator on April 10, 2010 at 2:48 am

        I agree completely. I think he has seen the show from the beginning. Is is not hearing these things on purpose. Plus, the attitude he has is just awful and makes reading these just not funny at all. Fucking know-it-all.


        • Posted by thejoshbaker on April 13, 2010 at 10:04 pm

          wah wah wah wah. I’m still reading even though I don’t like it. I’m a masochist. Look at me! I want everyone to know. wahhhhhhhhh


      • Posted by Awesome on April 10, 2010 at 9:36 am

        IDK, I had no idea what was one before I started watching Lost, but since you just devoted three big paragraphs to how everyone knows what one is, I guess I did.


      • Posted by meimy on April 10, 2010 at 11:49 am

        Perhaps he didn’t really mishear it. Maybe he was just trying to be funny. Like when he said, “at least he’s not Stalin” a few episode back. At that time I didn’t think he really thought that’s what Jack said, but I figured he was just being funny. Maybe it’s the same here; taking obvious advantage of a moment of comedy.


        • Posted by traci on April 12, 2010 at 4:56 am

          Or kinda like when Johnny calls it “Suck Shaft”


        • Posted by Dan on April 14, 2010 at 11:27 am

          Exactly. Even when hearing music, I sometimes hear the wrong thing at first but then figure out what the “artist” really caterwauled out. Sometimes I don’t figure it out. Either way, why not go with what you originally heard for comedy? And yes, since they are so light on the “v” sound, it does sound a lot like “Dry” instead of “Drive”.

          But either way, it has no bearing on whether you’ve seen/heard the object of your mocking before.


  45. Posted by meimy on April 8, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    I don’t think the author reads these comments or I think he might put in corrections like names and things that don’t matter to the plot (Toga, Jake, Widmore). But it seems he is not reading these comments so I think all the spoilers people are throwing in are unseen.


  46. […] Episode 11 of the Final Season of LOST SPOILER ALERT!!!!!! Yet again we will be exploring the latest episode of LOST for super secret secrets.  Like what the […] […]


  47. Posted by Monique on April 8, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    “Apparently they’re in a Toyota because rather than just hitting the brakes, Desmond accelerates.”



  48. Posted by Monique on April 8, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    Lollipops and unicorns… yeah, Dry Shaft needs some lotion. 😉 Talk about Dr. Manhattan’s big blue organ… ROFLPIMP!


  49. Survival tip: if you rolled down the windows, you don’t NEED to open the door.


  50. Posted by Fred on April 9, 2010 at 2:33 am

    “George makes secret plans to send a hooker up.” – so funny


  51. Posted by Mandie on April 9, 2010 at 9:18 am

    Man #1 was Simmons!! Which immediately made me think of Simmons from Red vs. Blue WHICH EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH.


  52. Posted by Beema on April 9, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    Just marvelous. Highlights for me:

    “I can’t imagine anything as intellectually degrading as being confused by Wikipedia.” hahaha, so true, and I’ve been in that same spot… frown.

    If you make some t-shirts with the Sad Day Monster, I would totally buy them. Please make t-shirts!

    “The next sequence is an absolute delight of scientific terms that 99% of the audience can’t call nonsense on because we don’t know any better. These all might be real things, but to me it sounded like kids playing pretend.”
    ahaha I felt the same way. if only we were a more enlightened society and could hold them to scientific accuracy!

    “Also, what are they trying to test with the rabbit? That’s like testing if a gun will kill someone by shooting a cat.”
    okay, that is the funniest thing in this recap. awesome

    “Apparently they’re in a Toyota because rather than just hitting the brakes, Desmond accelerates.”
    Runner up!

    Okay, nevermind, your recreation of Daniel’s notebook sketch was the funniest thing in this recap! Too good!

    “Desmond says a lot can happen in 20 minutes. Unless it is an episode of Lost. In which case nothing happens in 20 minutes. Sayid pops out of the woods and murders some nerds. Or as I like to say, commits nerder.”

    Man, you out-do yourself every new recap. This might be the best one yet!

    Again, Sad Day Monster t-shirts!!!!!


  53. Posted by Richard on April 9, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    I figured it out. The blogger is Sawyer. Not the actor who plays him, but actually Sawyer. I’m betting that someone set off yet another nuke and Sawyer got pushed into THIS reality. It totally blew his mind when he saw there was a show about him and he wasn’t getting any moneys, so he decided to start this blog and see if he could get lucky. Think about it: hates Jack, loves Sad Day Monster and Miles, pretends to be indifferent about “Sawyer”, and the clincher: NICKNAMES! It’s Sawyer! I figured it out! What do I win?


    • Posted by Belica on April 14, 2010 at 1:03 pm

      Actually, I think the name of the blogger is Frank Lapidus. He just arrived and has no clue about why all these people is acting so weird, blowing off H bombs, making out with ghosts and beating eachother to death. So he just sits there, watches and sneaks out now and then to the Dharma DSL station to write his impressions about the trip.


    • Man… I wish I was Sawyer. :-/


  54. Posted by jackandk8 on April 9, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    Does anyone know why the person writing this blog calls the smoke monster the “Sad Day Monster”? I know they have not seen lost before this season, and calls people the wrong thing, like the Indian guy, before she knew he was from Iraq. But I did not catch how they came up with “Sad Day Monster”.


    • Posted by Hamster562 on April 9, 2010 at 5:11 pm

      I think it is because Smokey resembles a storm cloud and generally when there is a storm you stay inside so it is a sad day as opposed to when the sun is shining and you have a picnic and an ice cream and everyone is smiling and holding hands and singing except for you because you are embarrassed to sing so you just sort of mime the words and pretend like you are singing until you’ve had a few beers at which point you are still not technically singing but at least you put in the effort.


    • Posted by Dan on April 14, 2010 at 11:18 am

      Read his first post


    • Posted by Richard on April 15, 2010 at 4:14 pm

      If you don’t want to go all the way back to the first post, it’s because the black smoke reminded him of the cartoon black coud that followed around cartoon characters when they had a bad day. But he’s a monster. So Sad Day Monster.


  55. Posted by Awesome on April 10, 2010 at 9:34 am

    I thought about you and how confused you’d have to be during this episode. Guy’s groggy for .02 seconds and BAM! WHOLE EPISODE ABOUT HIM! With time travel and physics, no less.

    “Basically, he saw a hot chick, fell in love, then did physics in his sleep (not a euphemism).”



  56. Eloise, confusing, say it ain’t so. 😉


  57. “That’s like testing if a gun will kill someone by shooting a cat.” – best line.

    Also, I hate it when people try to point things out, but this is a minor inconvenience – it’s WiDmore not WiTmore, that’s all.


  58. Posted by traci on April 12, 2010 at 3:47 am

    You dont understand! It’s Des and Penny! Here’s hoping someday you will.
    “Committed nerder”….too funny!


    • Posted by traci on April 12, 2010 at 5:12 am

      I for one really enjoy this blog. I don’t care if he’s faking or not, it’s definitely how I would imagine a newbie responding.

      I have been keeping up with this blog but haven’t responded until this one. Keep up the fun work!


      • Posted by Anna on April 12, 2010 at 5:37 am

        Exact, traci… who cares? I’m having lots of fun, I’m a newbie, I found myself wachting LOST this season and still ask thousands questions about it… papadurbin has started something many people around are asking themselves for years… and it’s great!! Write on!!!!!!!!


  59. Posted by Matt on April 13, 2010 at 4:24 am

    By the way, those things everyone should have in a car to break the glass.. they’re call feet and elbows.


  60. Posted by Mike2128 on April 15, 2010 at 10:41 pm

    “After hitting the panic button, he unstraps himself and makes a run for the door.  The MRI tech doesn’t care about his job so he doesn’t stop him.”

    My favorite part.


  61. Posted by RengeCorrea on April 21, 2010 at 3:02 am

    I’m crying laughing from this recap!! Love it!!
    fierce highlights:
    I can’t imagine anything as intellectually degrading as being confused by Wikipedia. Frown.
    Commits nerder
    unlocked stadium

    Please, once the series is done, please, watch from the beginning and recap them too .. please. 😀


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