SPOILER ALERT!!!!!! This blog post contains a bunch of information about this season of LOST.  At one point it was also going to contain spoilers about Saw V.  But that’s too important to run the risk.

Frankenstein's monster hates camping

This post has a terrible title, I know.  We’ll put it in the Mr. Cluck’s file.  There was no new episode this week so I have nothing to recap… Or do I…?  I took suggestions from folks via the Twitter (@jdurbin) on what to put in today’s post.  A lot had to do with watching/recapping other shows, but Saw V was on and seeing that movie is on my bucket list (check). I got some good suggestions but the ultimate winner is…

Recapping the season thus far and present some other tidbit theories.  I’m not going to get real detailed.  My goal is to provide a user guide for any other n00bs who want to catch up but don’t want to watch 13 hours of television in one weekend (new guy updating new people is so meta).  So really I am getting you caught up with me.  Which isn’t very caught up.  I’m also going to pepper in some other suggestions in small chunks.  I also am going to include a lot of pictures.  So basically I just Frankensteined a bunch of ideas into one monster that’s afraid of fire.

Overall What is Hapenning (for the n00bs)

OK.  So there’s these people, all good looking, none black, that were in a plane that crashed on an island.  5 years happened.  To try to get off the island they set off a nuke.  All that did was break the show into two stories.  One in America (a.k.a. Snoozeville… I don’t call it that because I hate America, but it’s less action packed there), one on an island.

That’s the basics.  Before we start describing what is happening, let me introduce you to all the characters.

Jack Shephard (not Jake):  Defacto protagonist.  As handsome as the day is long.  Poster boy for Bad Idea Jeans.  He’s a doctor and tries to lead the people on the island through sheer will.  He pushes his ideas and oftentimes goes the opposite of group/common sense.  Pretty much the same guy in both worlds.  Oh, except on the island he has a backpack that he takes everywhere.

He's pretty happy with his backpack.

John Locke:  Bald dude.  Adventurous.  Only reason I am doing him now is because the Sad Day Monster disguises himself as him so he can have chit chats.  On the island he is dead, on Snoozeville he is in a wheelchair and just got run over by a car.

He's having a bad week.

Sad Day Monster:  The black storm cloud on the island that messes everybody up (read: kills them).  Earned his name because he is like the raincloud that you draw over cartoons to indicate they are having a bad day.  Doesn’t exist in Snoozeville, but if he did (h/t to @rustylive for suggesting I guess at this) he would probably work in accounting for a jamoke of a boss and have a loving wife who wishes he would pursue his musical dreams.  Think about it, this guy is chompin’ at the bit to get off a tropical paradise.  He must love monotony and the daily grind.  And I don’t mean the dance show on MTV.

The motivational poster isn't helping.

Hugo Reyes (Hurley):  Comic relief.  Pretty entertaining and funny guy.  There’s all kinds of subtle jabs at his weight in the show that make you think of insults and then you feel guilty for thinking them.  Just me?  On the island he is Jack’s sidekick and talks to dead people.  In Snoozeville he owns a chicken restaurant (see what I mean) and has trouble getting dames.

Ghost or non-ghost, we're just happy he has friends.

Sawyer:  He’s such a rebel that he makes his own rules… then he breaks ’em.  Has become more likable as you realize that the sane person in the asylum will always look like the odd one (what?).  When not being hardcore on the island, he enjoys being a police officer.

And he doesn't even smoke!

Miles:  The most relatable character.  Just a dude.  Is Sawyer’s partner when they’re cops.  I like him.  We high five.

Just me and my buddy hangin out.

Kate:  a.k.a. Female Sawyer.  Has some rebel in her.  Potentially in a love triangle with Jack and Sawyer.  She is a wanted criminal in Snoozeville and Sawyer’s desire to give her a good time transcends stories.

No wonder the cops are after her.

Desmond:  Probably the most important character. He has a delightful accent and is extra smooth.  On the island he is a chess piece in the game between Sad Day Monster and Whitmore.  Off the island, he is an errand boy for a billionaire.   Last time we saw him he was stuck in a well making small talk with Sayid.

He's passing time in the well by thinking about convertibles.

Sayid: Iraqi who has an evil bug in him.  Emotionless.  Totally onboard with Sad Day Monster on the island.  He’s only slightly more redeemable in Snoozeville where he killed a bunch of mobsters and tried to nail his sister-in-law.  Last time we saw him he went to the well to shoot Desmond. Wait a minute!

According to me, Sayid has the same haircut as Hurley.

Jacob: Sad Day Monster’s nemesis but is actually the good guy.  He got stabbed.  Which is weird that killed him because he has been alive for a long time.  He brought everyone to the island to keep Sad Day Monter from leaving.  He’s probably like me that he though booze and environment would be enough to keep him from leaving the island.

Jacob drank some Haterade.

Ricardo: He’s awesome.  Lives forever.  Knows what’s going on.  Getting a little panicked.  He was Jacob’s buddy.  Now he’s kind of a loose cannon.  The actor who plays him is incredibly talented but kinda has raccoon eyes.  By saying “kinda” I assume that people won’t read that as an insult.

Ricardo on a horse, where he belongs.

Claire: She’s insane.  She was super duper pregnant when the plane crashed, so it is understandable that she would be all messed up.  She has a weird thing with Kate.  I think it’s called friendship.  She is completely out of her mind on the island, was with Sad Day Monster and then switched sides.  And she’s Jack’s half sister.

Nothing says crazy like standing on a pile of skulls.

Whitmore:  White haired dude who brought a sub full of nerds to a tropical island.  Their goal is to stop Sad Day Monster from leaving.  He also bosses Desmond around when they’re in Snoozeville.

Just joyridin about town.

Smurfette (Zoey):  The only girl in the group of nerds on Nerd Island.  Still busts skulls.

She is correctly concerned about all the boy nerds lurking behind her.

Illyana:  She was Jacob’s right hand woman in both worlds (as far as I can tell).  She got blown up on the island and is a lawyer in the other.

Artist rendering of why we don't need to worry about Illyana anymore.

Ben Linus: Real weinery guy.  Basically he should be on Nerd Island.  In Snoozeville he gets hit on by hot high school chicks but instead of doing anything constructive about it uses it to blackmail principals.  Which is just as weak as it sounds.  On the island he killed Jacob.  Then he almost got killed.  Now he is on the side of the good guys.  He also gives sweater vests a bad name.

High school chicks LOVE this guy. Must be the sweater vest.

Toga: Led some people at the Temple.  I called him Pretentious Asian for a while.  He got killed.  Spawned a memorial video (see episode 6 recap).

Toga's doing some hot tub maintenance. Yes I misspelled Chlorine.

Sun and Jin:  One’s a boy.  One’s a girl.  Together they form a forgettable team (as evidenced by the fact that I completely forgot to include them the first time posting this).  On the island they are separated but their love brings them back together.  In America they are Asian gangsters who are having a secret affair much to Sun’s dad’s chagrin.

This is the most exciting way I could think to draw Sun & Jin.

The Pilot: About as residual as a residual character can be.  He’s there because there is a plane and someone will need to fly it.

He's about 300 times saltier in real life.

More Details On What is Happening

Snoozeville has all the characters coming together and running into each other.  All of them seem to remember each other from their transatlantic flight. A guy named Desmond is trying to get everyone together and ran over John Locke in a wheelchair.  Ummmm… and that’s it.

The island is a bit more active. I started writing a detailed recap and then I got confused and sleepy.  In my face for all the times I said nothing happened in an episode.  What you need to know is:  For the Sad Day Monster to get off the island (he’s evil), he needs a small group of people to all leave at the same time.  Thankfully there is a fully operational (yet to this point unused) plane nearby.  And a Pilot!

There used to be a guy named Toga who kept everyone safe from Sad Day Monster by staying in a temple.  But he got murdered up and now all the survivors are in Sad Day Monster’s crew.

All the while, there are a bunch of nerds led by Charles Whitmore who came to the island on a submarine and needs to stop Sad Day Monster from escaping.  The world depends on it!

Related to both, there was this dude named Jacob who recruited everyone to go to the island to do his bidding.  He’s trying to protect the island.  He gave people superpowers or worked out another deal to get them to go along with him.  Now he’s dead and can only talk to Hurley.  Bummer.

Best Episodes This Season

  • Episode 9 (Ricardo)
  • Episode 12 (Because Hurley is so lovable)
  • Episode 5* (Jack and Hurley on an adventure?  Don’t mind if I do.)
  • Episode 6 (Sayid’s life choices don’t make sense)
  • Episode 11 (straightforwardness FTW!)

Things New People Shouldn’t Worry About

  • All the buildings, alcohol, supplies and other modern amenities on the island.  Don’t bother trying to figure out where they came from.  It’s a fruitless effort.
  • Why they want to leave.  Doesn’t make sense to me.  They really have everything they need (except for a couple people who value love).
  • References to multiple crashes and leaving and coming back.  As far as I can tell, it doesn’t influence how this thing will end.
  • Cutting back and forth between stories.  You get used to it.
  • Lack of musical numbers.  I don’t really know why you would expect that in the first place.

Thoughts I Have

  • I was going to do more lists, but I decided to describe each character instead. Coming up with ideas for lists is surprisingly difficult.
  • Some of the shows people asked me to review were: Beverly Hills 90210, Dancing with the Stars, the Lost Pilot episode, and anything on Bravo.  All good suggestions.  If you made a suggestion and would like to be mentioned, just let me know.
  • There will be an outroduction after the season.  Just giving a heads up.
  • For anyone who is new, I love parentheticals.
  • 4 more episodes to go.

Let's catch our breath before hitting the finish line.

53 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Just Saying on April 28, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    Another delightful post, well-Frankensteined! Can’t wait for the rest of the pics to come up. Also glad you get along well with Miles, your high five guy. I hope he ends up with something important to do in the coming weeks.


  2. A post this week! I’m all kinds of thrilled. 🙂

    Okay, WHY recap Dancing with the Stars? Your posts would read: And then this couple danced and they weren’t so hot. And then this other couple; they were okay. And then yet another…

    I’d love it if you’d watch and recap LOST from the beginning; the enlightenment would be quite entertaining, methinks.


  3. Posted by Josh on April 28, 2010 at 10:00 pm

    Ah, amazing as always. Just one thing. You forgot Sun and Jin!


  4. Posted by Lakshmi on April 29, 2010 at 12:14 am



  5. Posted by Dan on April 29, 2010 at 12:45 am

    Just a random thought, but have you noticed that every time someone lifts a firearm, it automatically makes a cocking noise? Even a rifle that doesn’t have a cocking handle that can easily be accessed while raising it. The island must be littered with unspent bullets.


  6. Posted by evacipated on April 29, 2010 at 1:46 am

    “Sawyer: He’s such a rebel that he makes his own rules… then he breaks ‘em. ” Hahahahaha. Possibly the best summary of the character ever!!!!


  7. Posted by peterdc on April 29, 2010 at 4:31 am

    Where is everyone getting their clothes from? Consider the state of their underwear by now.


    • Posted by Belica on May 1, 2010 at 3:14 pm

      By now, they should be burning their underwear. For the good of the entire human kind. Actually, I think that is what they mean by “saving the world”


  8. Posted by peterdc on April 29, 2010 at 4:52 am

    Oh, and an amusing thing a couple of episodes back… Sayid was being told to get into a car (in snoozeville) and one of the hoods said, “Get in, Sayid,” which sounded incredibly funny – a weird way of saying, “Get inside.” My highlight of the season.


  9. Posted by Claire on April 29, 2010 at 6:20 am

    Please recap the whole of LOST?!?!??! you need to watch the entire series….


  10. Posted by debi on April 29, 2010 at 9:17 am

    I think you may be developing some affection for our beloved show 🙂


  11. Posted by Kristi on April 29, 2010 at 11:04 am

    “Oh, except on the island he has a backpack that he takes everywhere.”

    So does that mean that Jack is essentially the adult, incompetent-doctor version of Dora the Explorer? 🙂


  12. didn’t you propose earlier that you could figure out what was going on this season by watching only the first and last 10 minutes of each episode? why not use this method, and recap the show in its entirety…


  13. Posted by syudy on April 29, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    You should watch all the seasons of LOST backwards!


  14. great pics


  15. Awesome as always! You should title your final post about lost “Endtroduction.”

    I’ll be back next week!


  16. Posted by Joanne S on April 29, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    Good midtroduction – great pics.


  17. Posted by DS on April 29, 2010 at 6:24 pm

    Dancing With the Stars sucks!!

    Have you ever watched “So You Think You Can Dance”??? Now, THAT is an awesome dance show!! They start off the season doing open auditions around the country, just like American Idol does. And then they whittle down a large group until they have a smaller group (24?) to go on to the competition. Those are matched up as couples to compete, and one guy and one girl is eliminated each week, until the “favorite dancer” is chosen at the end.

    The thing I really like about this show is that there are all kinds of dance styles shown, NOT just “ballroom”. I’m talking “hip hop”, tap, Bollywood, you name it! I’m in NO WAY any kind of dancer, but this show sure is fun to watch!

    It usually starts as soon as American Idol ends, in the same time period. On the same channel.

    Cool if you could review it.


    • Posted by Just Saying on May 4, 2010 at 8:16 am

      Glad there’s someone else here who loves that show!! I can’t get anyone to watch it because “Dancing With the Stars” has ruined people’s perceptions of dancing shows- ugh! “So You Think You Can Dance” totally rocks and has the most amazing mix of dance styles. I’ve been moved to tears by some of the performances, they are so emotionally gripping (often tell stories).

      Sorry to use up space on here about another show. I’ll make a comment, then about our blogger’s pictures: Love the Lapidus one and the “300 times saltier in real life” one, hahaha. He does come off as more of a boat cap’n than a pilot sometimes, doesn’t he? The Ilana pic is great, too.


  18. Posted by Timmay on April 29, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    Make sure your outroduction (that was a quality suggestion) directs us to whatever you are writing next. I will miss your posts more than Lost.

    I also want to provide a suggestion for future show recaps. If we could all go back in time I would definitely pick season 3 of 24 or pretty much any season of nip tuck. Those series have ended now though and I don’t think it makes sense to do something that isn’t current. Heroes could be OK. But that show gets worse every season so I would really only be reading your posts so i’m not sure it’s fair to ask you to watch something I wouldn’t. How about Chuck? I’ve never watched that. Maybe that would be a good one. Or there’s a show that takes place back a couple decades that is on A&E that is popular. I think it’s about mobster’s or wall street guys or something. You know what i’m talking about. Or if you and your audience are game, pick a random season of the Sopranos. I’ve heard that was good too. I’d be willing to jump into whatever season you’d want. and I’ll rent from netflix too. Maybe they’ll sponser you (aka send you a free stuff for free).


  19. Posted by artupstairs on April 30, 2010 at 7:41 am

    Well, of course you need to review from the beginning, you’ll have a lot of fun with some of the earlier characters and situations…(imagine Sawyer holding a fish biscuit, or Jack running off into the jungle to play hero, leaving his patient in the care of Hurley),


  20. Posted by artupstairs on April 30, 2010 at 7:45 am

    The other show you could review is “V”- It has a decent plot, but if you think LOST can be ridiculous, you gotta watch this one. There is material galore in “V”, but it’s not so bad that it’s unwatchable .


    • Posted by Belica on May 1, 2010 at 3:19 pm

      I suggested a couple weeks ago to review the original “V”. I haven’t seen the new one, but the 80’s taste in the old one is delightful


    • Posted by philw1776 on May 9, 2010 at 4:55 pm

      Tried it. It IS unwatchable. Even with hotties Anara & Juliette in it.


  21. Posted by kyle on April 30, 2010 at 8:02 am

    you should recap ANY season of “The Wire”

    Its tied with Lost as the greatest tv show IMO


  22. You should recap Lost seasons 1-5 when the show is over. Would be interesting to see things maybe falling into place for you. LOL


  23. Posted by Lisa on April 30, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    The pics are a riot. You could do a Lost Comic Book with them.


  24. Posted by Eddie21 on April 30, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    It’s funny and a good blog. I have to say though that your ragging on Jack is the type of thing only a long term Lost fan would do. He’s been pretty easy going and nice this season.


  25. Posted by Resa12 on May 1, 2010 at 10:58 am

    omg, pls recap lost season by season, moving backwards…do season 5 next!!


  26. Posted by Sophie on May 1, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    I love how Benjamin is a sexy teacher and the girls ‘LOVE’ him – My exact thoughts when watching the episode 😛


  27. Posted by Belica on May 1, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    I didn’t expect a post this week, but here I came, with the slightest hope, and here you were. LMAO as usually. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.


  28. Posted by Jake Shepard on May 1, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    I think after this you should watch the First Season of LOST.


  29. Posted by ewu on May 4, 2010 at 12:48 am

    I don’t know what’s better, the character descriptions, or the wonderfully hilarious pictures! the best thing is, I totally agree with everything you wrote! btw, Miles is my high-five guy too!


  30. Posted by mssaltzman on May 4, 2010 at 7:32 am

    I could hug you dude. I really hope once this is over, you’ll start from the beginning. Otherwise, I’ll have to start actually working on Wednesdays as opposed to checking for your post every 10 minutes then reading it a few times to different people. I don’t get your love affair with Miles, but, ya know…whatever.

    Keep on keeping on.


  31. Posted by Claire on May 4, 2010 at 8:36 am

    haha also recap the office… that would be real funny


  32. Posted by Beth on May 4, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Really enjoy your blog. Personally, I think after this you should just pick a random show you’ve never seen, and do a random season of it. Maybe literally roll a die. So you could end up with, say, season 4 of 24. Or season 2 of Buffy. Or whatever.


  33. Posted by Esther on May 4, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    The actor who plays him is incredibly talented but kinda has raccoon eyes. By saying “kinda” I assume that people won’t read that as an insult… ROFL

    My suggestion: if there is another season, recap Flashforward, I think you will find plenty of material there to make us laugh and it’s a pretty decent show. I would really love if your recaps were about something that I actually watch so that I can get the jokes and laugh about it 😛

    I just want to add I miss Toga and I disagree with you: I think Sad day monster is not the ultimate villain here as in he has a valid reason to do the things he has been doing and he is another victim of the sick game Jacob is playing. He just wants out. Of course, I might be wrong xd


  34. Posted by Mira8 on May 4, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    Drawings of the entire cast!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!


  35. Posted by Lucy on May 5, 2010 at 8:34 am

    Love your posts and especially the drawings. Since folks are suggesting other shows I’m going to suggest “TRUE BLOOD” once season 3 starts.. there’s a lot of potential there for sure.

    Thanks for the great website!!


  36. Posted by Chuck on May 5, 2010 at 11:33 am

    I [heart] parentheticals too. Except I use brackets [you don’t have to press the [shift] key].
    Never mind I guess it’s completely different.


  37. Posted by Ahdhhd on May 5, 2010 at 11:59 am

    New oneee …


  38. Posted by Jay on May 5, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    You should at the very least watch the 1’st episode of lost and write about that. You owe it to yourself and everyone else here. And it would be awesome to get your perspective of it as a “first time viewer” who has only seen the final season. Watching the whole series in reverse sounds like a good idea in theory but practically I don’t see it working. Very few of your readers would be able to commit to do it with you and people would probally get burned out.

    Keep up the good work though. Oh, and ABC just greelit an extra half hour for the finale!


  39. Just dropped in to say: Sawyer smoked once, then probably ran out of sigarettes, so he quit 😀


  40. Posted by Kerry on May 10, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Do you watch Torchwood? I would love to see your take on that and all the giant gaping holes in the plot that you could fly the Tardis through!


  41. so great ha ha ha ha ha ha


  42. Most people look at the 80′s as a blur, which as a person who grew up in the 80′s, I take offense.


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