SPOILER ALERT!!!!!! There are all kinds of surprises in this episode of LOST. And it is my intention to ruin them for someone. So if you have not seen last night’s episode, keep reading. We’re not talking about LOST at all (wink!). By putting that wink at the end I absolve myself from any responsibility that I would have in someone reading this and being upset about its contents.
Big night, eh? We’re making some great headway into the end of the series. Which is exciting.
This has probably been one of the more eventful island adventures we have seen in a while. More importantly, my theory that you could watch only the first 5 minutes and last 15 minutes of each episode is holding strong. Which actually makes sense following a three act structure because you get introduced to what you need to know then you see the final conflict. Everything in between leads up to that conflict. Story structure lessons, like survival tips, are free of charge.
The thing that does not make sense, however, are all these lucky run-ins in Snoozeville. Oh well. With that, let’s take a spin on the Coincidence Carousel.
Overall What Is Happening
The contracts expired for Sun, Jin, Sayid, Salty Air Captain and a whole lotta extras. That’s not a euphemism. Literally the contracts of those actors expired and so they were written out of the show. I am guessing that it is related to the fact that there were only supposed to be 12 episodes in this season then they extended to 17 or something. Everyone else was willing to work for free.
I’m glad that we spent all that time learning about these people’s backgrounds just to have them killed. Way I see it, we didn’t need the Sayid or Sun/Jin episode. They were intertwined and it turns out they don’t affect the end. I’m just bitter that after drawing all these people last week, they got killed off. Sad emoticon.
So that leaves Jack, Kate, Hurley, and Sawyer to fight Sad Day Monster and Claire. Wild cards are Whitmore, Desmond, and Smurfette. Somehow I completely lost Linus. I have no idea where he is. Or Ricardo. In fact, I don’t remember seeing him for a while. Oh wait. They went off on their own to fight and kill Sad Day Monster. They must be terrible trackers if they haven’t found him yet. Also, not following Jack has worked out great for them so far considering what just happened to everyone in this episode. I know I’ve beaten this drum quite a bit (and it has some more hits coming this week) but Jack has no idea what he is talking about and I don’t understand why no one on the island sees that yet.
In Los Angeles, everyone reunites from their flight from Sydney to LA. These people have memories like bear traps. Jack and Wheelchair Locke come one step closer to being lovers. That’s all that happens.
More Detailed Episode Recap
Locke wakes up with a case of the Mondays in the hospital. He’s all groggy and sees a blurry Jack. He missed his chance to pretend to fall back asleep. Locke wants to know what happened. I’ll take this one, Jack. You see, Mr. Locke, someone decided to see if their four wheel vehicle was stronger than your four wheel vehicle. They won. Big.
Jack then tells Locke he is a candidate. (Pause) Candidate for what asks Locke. (Pause) Surgery to restore your legs. Get it? See what they did there? You don’t? Oh. Locke’s survival instincts kick-in and he says thanks but no thanks to the surgery. He also doesn’t want to talk about what happened that left him paralyzed.
Jack thinks privacy is for chumps so he goes and finds Locke’s dentist, Dr. Bernard Nadler. He has a practice with Dr. Harold Testenstein. Jack wants to know why he performed oral surgery on Locke. Because his mouth was messed up is the answer. When asked why he wants to know, Jack is pretty reluctant to answer. The dentist then asks Jack if he was on Oceanic flight 815. He was the old guy across the aisle whose wife Jack flirted with. Course he is. And of course he remembers the flight number. And of course he remembers that there was another man with him named Anthony Cooper. And of course he happily breaks doctor-patient confidentiality to share this info with Jack. At least Dr. Nadler admits he has a good memory. Based on the amount of time I would need to still have all these memories, Locke was paralyzed last week and the flight from Sydney was 20 minutes ago.
Jack visits Anthony Cooper but is having a hard time getting past the reception desk. Lock’s fiance happens by and asks what up. Jack keeps pushing to help Locke walk again. She says “You saved his life. Why isn’t that enough?” “Because it’s not.” And that, my friends, is both a terrible answer and seems a little disparaging to people in wheelchairs. It works somehow and Ellen takes Jack back to meet Anthony Cooper. Turns out he is catatonic. I also think he is on loan from Madam Tussaud’s so they didn’t have to pay an actor. Lost went bankrupt. Aside from being made of wax (or the greatest actor of his generation), this guy is also Locke’s dad. Why do they have different last names then?
Back at the hospital, Jack is watching Locke sleep (creepy). Locke starts dreaming about naked people and making happy sounds. Jack decides it’s a good time to wake him up. Then of course Claire shows up. She was looking for Jack and asks to talk.
Jack needs to carbo-load before a talk so they go to a vending machine. While there, Claire shows him a box that their dad left for her. Jack doesn’t know what it is. Then they realize they were on the same flight. Shouldn’t Desmond show up about now? Jack decides to put the moves on Claire and offers to let her sleep at her house. Claire is playing hard to get so Jack goes to his fall back line of “we’re family.” It doesn’t work.
Locke is rolling out of the hospital, feeling good about life, suspiciously looking at Jin because he doesn’t trust Asians, when Jack appears. He wants to say goodbye to Locke. Locke’s still happy. Then Jack tells him he visited his father. Now Locke is all sad. Way to go, Jack. Turns out Locke got into a plane crash and now everybody is all messed up. Jack tells him to man up and they can be best friends. At least I think that’s what happened. I kinda zoned out during this part.
Back to the island!
Jack wakes up in a canoe with Sayid watching (feels a little creepy, doesn’t it, Jack?). Sayid, flying in the face of the last 5 episodes, appears human again and is all buddy-buddy with Jack.
Instant cutaway. The other group, or Team Common Sense as they will be known for ditching Jack, is being herded to cages by nerds. One of the nerds gets tough with Sawyer and Sawyer smacks him across the face and takes his gun. Whitmore rolls up and puts a gun on Kate. He says he has a list of names (everyone on this island does) and Kate isn’t on it. Kate says don’t trust him, but Sawyer is full of puppy love and decides to give the nerd his gun back. The nerd then hits Sawyer in his swimsuit area. Not cool, nerd. Not cool. After they get in the cages, Whitmore tells him they are being into the cages for their own safety. Kinda like how we keep manatees at the zoo. Whitmore says he needs to get ready because someone is coming in an hour. Probably from match.com.
Sayid tells Jack that John Locke saved him. I get ready for Jack to respond with “or did I save him?” It’s just Jack, Sayid, and Sad Day Monster now. They couldn’t afford all those extras. Jack puts on his backpack and feels confident and ready to take on the world. Sad Day Monster shows back up and says they need to go rescue the people in the cages. Jack wants to know why he should trust him. Sad Day Monster sez because if he wanted to he could kill all of them. I’m sold. So is Jack. Sayid was mentally undressing Jack and didn’t hear the conversation.
Sawyer starts talking about how they were in the cages before and he seems pretty upset about it. Kate tries to feel good about herself by telling Sawyer that Whitmore was bluffing. Sawyer, not understanding how to trick women into loving you, rains on her parade by telling her that her name was crossed off the list in the cave with names. Kate looks destroyed by the news.
In another part of the cage, Jin and Sun are putting on a snoozefest talking about their kid and Sun’s ring.
Meanwhile, all the nerds tried to get on World of Warcraft at once and the power went out. Then Sad Day Monster goes rain cloud mode and kills all the nerds. One of them is dead and laying near the cage with the keys on his belt. Kate gets low and tries to reach the key but can’t. Maybe one of the 6’2″ dudes should try instead of the 5’4″ woman. Doesn’t matter, Backpack Jack swoops in and grabs the key and unlocks the cage.
Aaaaaaand, 7 hours pass and it’s noon. They’re all walking through the woods. Jack says he will help them get to the plane, but it is not his intention to get on it. He’s not meant to leave. Translation: there’s still booze in the condos. Sawyer says “thanks for the hustle, bro”. Sayid shows up. Jack says it’s ok. I say, no it’s not. Someone needs to shoot this maniac. They don’t.
Sad Day Monster has gone ahead to the plane. There are a couple nerds shooting him. He promptly snaps one dude’s neck then shoots the other guy. Then he steals his the dead guy’s watch. That’s hardcore. Sad Day Monster goes up a cute little wooden staircase to get into the plane. He finds some wires in the overheard compartments. Spirit airlines charged him $25.
The rest of the gang catches up and Sayid points out that one of the nerd’s necks has been broken. “That’s because I broke it.” Nice, Sad Day Monster. “If it’s any consolation, Whitmore knew I would kill them.” There’s really no consolation there. You still killed them. Sad Day Monster announces that now they need to take the submarine. They’ve really set up the first person shooter video game “The Lost Chronicles” nicely in this sequence. Sawyer acts friendly with Sad Day Monster. Jack announces he still isn’t leaving. No one is sad. Now Jack is sad that no one is sad. Sawyer hatches a plan. He tells Jack to make sure Sad Day Monster can’t get on the sub. How? Just get it in the water. I’ll take care of the rest. Cool plan.
Everyone goes into perv mode and is hiding in the bushes. Sawyer is giving instructions and says “we’re going in hard.” We’re still talking about the raid on the submarine, right? Sawyer finishes laying out the plan which has two groups go then leaves Jack and Sad Day Monster to hang back and go last.
Alpha team goes… to no resistance. Once in the sub, the same guy who got his neck broke is now running the sub. They cast this show really well. I believe that all of these guys in the nerd army are actually nerds. Beta team goes. Locke hands Jack his backpack. I am surprised Jack had it off in the first place. As they are running to the sub, a sniper in a tree shoots Kate. There are a bunch of nerds being pervs in the bushes too (must be around the time Smurfette goes for a swim) and start shooting. Jack opts not to duck and stands to return fire. Lucky for him these nerds learned how to shoot from Stormtroopers and can’t hit anything.
Sad Day Monster comes to help and starts shooting people. One gunman runs right at him. The strategy doesn’t work and Sad Day Monster gets the easy kill. Jack pushes him in the water, takes Kate on the sub, and they sail away. Ditching Claire up top. Poor Claire. Sad Day Monster tells her that she doesn’t want to be on that sub. There’s no ventilation so it’s gonna smell pretty bad with all those sweaty people on it.
Tending to Kate, Jack says he might have a shirt in his backpack. Oooooooooh. That’s why he has always has that pack! Because there’s a shirt in there. What they actually find is some C4. Uh ohz. Rather than taking immediate action, they have a chit chat about it and look longingly at each other.
After a commercial break to think things over, they call down to Salty Captain and tell him to surface. He says “We’re divin!” Yes, we are. Now do the opposite. It’s going to take them 5 minutes to surface. That seems like a long time. Oh, and there’s about 2 minutes left before the bomb goes off. Sayid begins looking at the bomb and telling Sawyer how to defuse it.
Jack hasn’t talked in a while so he says that they can just let the timer run out and nothing will happen. Oh boy. Everyone looks at Jack like he is crazy (they’re right) but they’re so stressed they don’t know what to do. Jack explains (paraphrasing): “Don’t you see. This is what he wanted. He couldn’t kill us all, we need to kill each other. So he tried to get us all in one place so we would all die. Don’t you get it? He needs us all to die. And THAT, my friends, is why we should all be confident that nothing will happen when the timer on this C4 counts down.” Jack is going with the carpet bombing approach in logic where if he says enough things, he’s bound to get one thing right.
Sawyer has a moment of clarity and pulls out the wires. The timer stops. Then the timer starts going again real fast. I thought that only happened in cartoons. Anyway, Sayid tells Jack where to find Desmond (his corpse, right?) and grabs the bomb and makes a run for it. Good for you Sayid. A little while later Sayid joins the Illyana Club and goes boom. To be clear, Jack was wrong. The bomb went off.
Now stuff goes real bananas…
Salty Captain is walking to find out what’s going on and notices the pressure on the sub is going to shoot a sewer lid at him. Instead of taking his remaining 5 seconds to get out of the way, he says “Aw hell.” Boom. Done.
The rest of the group plays a game of yelling each other’s name. Hurley says he is going to get Sayid. Jack says there is no more Sayid. Are you sure? There was a lot of Juliette left when she set off that nuke.
Sun got herself trapped under a cabinet. Jack sends Kate with Hurley and tells him to get her out of there. Jack gives him a pep talk and sends him on his way. Now that he’s out of the way, they get to work rescuing Sun. They flip off the cabinet only to find some crazy piping pinning her in. I’m still not exactly sure how she ended up in there. She probably is just doing it for attention.
A piece of ceiling falls down and knocks Sawyer out. Nothing is going their way. I blame Jack. Sun tells Jin to go. He refuses. Poor Jin, he has to stick around because Sun can’t avoid obstacles. Jin tells Jack to go and take Sawyer. Jack says no, Jin says yes. Finally Jack agrees. Looks like there’s going to be one more orphan in the world. Jack makes a break for it and we see him swim out what appears to be a giant clam.
Jin continues trying to save Sun. She wants him to go. He doesn’t even consider it because he loves her that much (in your face, The Notebook!). They both know what is going to happen. They share an embrace. Jin talks to her in their native language and tells him he can’t leave. They hold hands. It’s very sad and romantic (in your face, Titanic!). Later, we see their arms underwater drifting apart. It’s a really touching mome-COMMERCIAL BREAK!
No fade to black before jumping to an ad. Good work, ABC. Glad you squeezed in that extra second of commercial. Save up enough of those and you can run a crappy 5 second promo for V.
Jack gets Sawyer to the beach where he teases all the ladies by starting to go in for mouth-to-mouth then pulling back. Hurley and Kate find them. We find out Sawyer will be fine. They find out what happened to Jin and Sun. Hurley fake cries because he wants attention. Jack real cries because he lost his backpack.
Sad Day Monster and Claire have been killing the last 7 hours on the dock. Sad Day Monster says it’s time to go finish what he started.
Thoughts I Have
- How/why did Sun get back to the island?
- This island must be at a really strange longitude and lattitude based on how quickly it goes from day to night. It has to be about 2 hours for each based on how quickly it changes on the show. And if not, then what are they doing for all that time? This show is the opposite of 24 when it comes to time.
- Not sure where Ricardo and his buddies went. But I like them and would like it if they returned.