SPOILER ALERT!!!!! We’re here for one reason only. To talk about the latest episode of LOST and the goings ons that transpired. As you can imagine there will be a lot of filler since not a lot of goings ons transpired. I also am going to throw out some random future thoughts which might actually spoil something, but I doubt it.
I am filing last week’s structure experiment as a success. However, we’re going to tell one story at a time this week. This episode is going to make more sense if we break them up instead of jumping back and forth (are you listening, Lost writers?). There is one point in this where you will see it does a disservice to one of the plot twists that I found completely ridiculous. Shrug.
It’s also clear this week that this is all a set up for the different spin offs ABC has planned for it’s fall line up. Here is the list:
- Miles and Sawyer star in a crime drama called “Not Without My Sawyer”. Kate guest stars as a former crook turned informant. Alternate title: “A Miles in his Shoes”
- Claire stars in a dramedy called “Up Over” (instead of Down Under) about a single Australia mom learning about life and love in Los Angeles. It’s a heartfelt comedy with heartfelt laughs. Desmond plays the love interest. Claire thinks they could never be more than friends.
- Sun and Jin star in a female-scaling-the-corporate-ladder drama called “The Rising Sun”. It’s about how Sun has to fight against stereotypes and tradition to be the breadwinner in her family and coping with Jin’s mixed support and jealousy. Think Ally McBeal but not funny. So just like Ally McBeal. Zing!
- Linus and Locke star in a TV version of the movie “Stand By Me”.
- Jack stars in the medical dromcom (patent pending) “Neuroses”. He’s a single dad and successful surgeon. He seemingly has it all. Except love. Kinda like Gray’s Anatomy ate the Deep End washed it down with some ER then had House for dessert.
- Hurley goes on the Biggest Loser or Celebrity Fit Club.
Bulleted list came early this week.
Overall What is Happening
Nothing still. Cork = Island. Ocean = Den of Evil. The big reveal this week is that everyone is coming together in Snoozeville (not the island) in super random ways. Ways that some folks would call cheating. Not me though. I’m subscribing… Not really.
The Island is in week 13 of building up to what ultimately will be a disappointing fight. They could have done this lead up in three weeks. Now that we’re so far in and invested, it’s going to be extremely difficult to live up to the expectations. That’s why I ruin surprises as quickly as possible. No one is ever disappointed. It’s also why no one listens to my stories. Sad emoticon.
The big reveal on the island comes from the philosophical stylings of Dr. Jack Shephard in which he states that maybe they AREN’T supposed to leave the island. Thanks for checking in Jack. God forbid we go one week without you proposing a ridiculous theory just to hear the sound of your own voice.
More Detailed Episode Recap
If you remember last week, Wheelchair Locke got MAULED by Dez in his car. Now he’s in the back of an ambulance with Ben as his escort (that sucks). The paramedic is getting no response in his legs and Ben astutely points out that he’s a paraplegic. Detective Paramedic asks if Linus knows him. He says kinda and explains he is a teacher and is in a wheelchair. Det. Paramedic says that the wheelchair is totaled and probably saved Locke’s life.
Hang on… So you know that he was in a wheelchair. You are getting no response in his legs. Linus had to tell you he is a paraplegic. I believe this should suffice in explaining why I called him Detective Paramedic. I think he is a graduate of the Jack Shephard Medical School.
Linus is eager to narc on Dez. He says he saw the guy who did it and he was at school. Linus is easily ignorable so I spaced out.
Sun is being wheeled into the hospital at the same time. If you will remember a couple weeks ago she took the long route to getting rid of a baby without assistance from the new health care program. As she’s getting wheeled in she looks over and sees a severely banged up Locke and starts freaking out. I don’t blame her. They literally had these stretchers almost touching and this other guy was mangled. Doesn’t someone get a right of way?
In the police station, Sawyer is strutting around like he owns the place and eating an apple because he’s awesome. He sits down to interrogate Kate and starts by saying “We’re wearing similar leather jackets. Wanna knock boots?” It doesn’t work. Sawyer then points out to her that she is a murderer and that the feds will be coming for her. Kate asks Sawyer if there is something she wants from him. Well… no, Kate. You’re wanted for murder. That’s why you’re here. I guess if there WAS something we would want from you it would be that you don’t try to escape before they can put you in jail.
Sawyer decides the sexual tension needs some thickening and asks Kate if she remembers him from the airport. I remember you letting a criminal walk, Sawyer (disappointed head shake). She does remember him. Score. Sawyer asks if she thinks it’s weird that they ran into each other. I do. Kate sez “Are you hitting on me?” “No. I’m a cop and you’re a murderer.” “I’m not a murderer.” “I’m still a cop.” And that makes Sawyer the winner of this round of the Logic Game. Congrats, Sawyer, for making such an inane comment. Kate sees through his charade and points out Sawyer let her go because he didn’t want people to know he was in Australia. I don’t remember why he went, but it can’t be worse than letting a wanted murderer go free.
Miles shows up (thank God) and says they found the guy who shot that lady. They don’t care about the 5 mob gangsters who are all dead in the same room. They check a security camera. It’s Sayid. Looking as cool and casual as ever.
Claire’s turn. She goes in to talk to someone about adoption in one of the most corporate looking orphanages I’ve ever seen. Dez, trolling for preggo chicks, goes up to toss more game. He’s really creepy and asks if she remembers him from bag check. As she is walking away, Claire tells him that he was right, it is a boy. Not a good way to get rid of a creepy dude, ladies.
Seeing his opening, he follows her up the escalator. He claims he is going to see his lawyer. I don’t know why there is a law firm in an orphanage, but so goes the enigma of Lost. Concerned she doesn’t have a lawyer, Dez points out that adoptions can be very complicated. A wicker basket and a neighbor’s front step, however, are not. After some serious harassment, Claire finally agrees to go talk to his lawyer. Shame on you for giving in, Claire.
As they enter the law firm, Claire’s spidey-sense is tingling. You can tell because her bellybutton is out really far. Illana comes out as the lawyer. I’m disappointed that I have to keep typing her name. I also think I have been misspelling it. After being introduced, Illana asks if she is Claire Littleton from Australia. Don’t worry, there’s only one. She then asks to speak to Claire in private. Claire’s suspicious bellybutton isn’t suspicious enough and she agrees to go to the back room with this stranger.
Sayid time. He shows up at his sister-in-law(slash object of desire)’s house and tells her that she won’t have no problems no more. She’s skeptical but we can’t see her bellybutton to know for certain. Miles is at the front door and asks her to open up. She does. Miles: “Mrs. Jiraum, I’m detective Straum, and our names rhyme, but that’s not why I’m here-”. Meanwhile Sayid snuck out the back where Awesome Sawyer takes him down. I think this is the same set from Point Break where Keanu Reeves almost got his faced shoved into a lawnmower.
Jack and his son are walking into the same office building where Dez and Claire are. Shwoo. I was worried they wouldn’t get tied back into this story. Jack gets a phone call. (to son) “It’s your mom” (into phone) “I think you gave me that rash you were fighting.” His son tries to buy time before going back home. This kid did a drastic 180 from the last time we saw him. I think they are taking advantage of my bad memory and just telling me this kid is besties with his dad now.
They’re there to hear the reading of Jack’s dad’s will. Jack tells his kid it’s ok to be sad. His son replies “I’m sad for you dad. You’re an idiot with no self awareness.” They get to the law firm and Illana is their lawyer (of course) and says she has a surprise for them. Again, I completely forgot that Claire was mentioned in the will. Claire is in the room and it turns out that she and Jack are siblings.
I’ll address this when I actually saw it for the first time, which was on the island. I would like to go on the record as saying: C’mon.
Jack’s brains are on the wall because he just got his mind blown and he gets a phone call. He tells the person it’s a bad time then agrees to do a complex surgery. I dunno, Jack, maybe we should wait until you’re in a proper mental state to do this. No? We need to keep walking this tightrope of coincidence? Fine.
Special treat for this Jin and Sun section. I’m going to copy and paste what I wrote down as I was watching the episode. “Jin is passed out. You were shot but you’re going to be ok. The baby is fine. HOW? She got shot in the uterus! Whatever. Ice Cream and lollipops.”
I am glad the fictional baby is ok.
Jack brought his son to the hospital. His son asks if he had an idea his dad had another kid. Jack has no idea about a lot of things. They both seem to be taking this news really jovially. Jack goes in to do surgery and asks his son if he’ll be ok while he does this? Jack… I’ve worked in a hospital. Leaving a 13 year old kid in one with no form of entertainment for the 4-6 hours this complex surgery will take is one of the worst ideas I have ever heard. All he is going to do is sit in a waiting room and watch Oxygen. Which will make him bored or a sissy. You don’t want either. Send him to his mom’s house, it sounded like she had nothing to do when you talked to her on the phone earlier.
Anyway, Jack goes back to get some surgery on. The nurse tells him they called him because they were in over their heads. They felt dumb so they decided to call him so they felt smart by comparison. Jack catches Locke’s reflection in the upskirt mirror they placed below him and tells everyone he knows this guy.
Woosh Woosh Woosh
Knew I’d find a way to sneak it in.
We kick things off on the island with Jack getting another custom special hello from Locke (Sad Day Monster). He says they have some catching up to do and asks Jack to walk with him. I hope he gets thrown into the well. Everyone looks jealous that Jack gets to go talk to him and I think Claire might be wearing a wig.
This convo between Jack and Sad Day Monster is super boring. We learn Locke had to be dead before Sad Day Monster could look like him. Jack brought him back to the island. He turned into Jack’s father, who Jack chased. Sad Day Monster says he did it because Jack needed to find water and he’s too dumb to find the ocean while on a small island.
Then comes the real shocker. Sad Day Monster once again explains that everyone needs to leave together. We… get… it… Please stop telling us that. For the next episode can they just have a scroll at the bottom of the screen that says that repeatedly so we don’t have to dedicate any more time to explaining that. Thanks.
Then Sad Day Monster calls Locke a chump.
Claire’s been snoopin in the bushes. She comes out and Sad Day Monster asks her if she was following them. She says yes and that she is Jack’s sister.
This is the plot twist that is not getting proper justice because I already sort of addressed it but this was the first time I had heard this while watching the ‘sode (cool kid abbreviation for episode). I don’t want to go on a rant (and unlike Dennis Miller I am not trying to set up a rant) so I am just going to say that I find this to be absolutely ridiculous and unnecessary and a simple tweak to goose the viewer into a state of surprise. From what I can tell, any character could be any other characters’ sibling. While thinking about the difference between Luke and Leia Skywalker and these two I realized this show borrows a lot from Star Wars (down to some direct references). I’m not in the business of providing theories though so I am going to get back on course.
Claire says it means a lot that they are coming with them. Jack says he is not sure they are. She says that they let Sad Day Monster talk to them, so now they are with him.
Brother and sister? Really? C’mon!
Sawyer tells Hurley that the plan is to separate from these folks and take the party sub from Whitmore’s island to escape. The plan is to ditch Sayid because he is a weirdo and evil. Hurley says you can save anyone from the dark side, look at Anakin. Sawyer’s been on a deserted island (and he’s cool) so he doesn’t get the reference. I disagree with Hurley. Darth Vader is very low on my list of people to befriend with the hopes of changing. Hurley has a case of the girls though and thinks he can change a man. Stereotypes!
Claire, Sad Day Monster, and Jack return from the woods. Where have they been? It was night time now it’s noon. What were they doing in the jungle all night?
Later, Kate tells Jack. He asks if Sayid is going with them. Kate says that “Sayid is different now. We’re all different now.” Yeah. But Sayid got shot, then drowned in a magic hot tub, then came back to life, then was diagnosed as being infected. So he’s especially different now.
Smurfette (Zoey) shows up to Sad Day Monster’s camp. I figured she was sick of finding hidden cameras in her bedroom at Nerd Camp, but it turns out she is just delivering a message to Locke. Which is that they want back what they took from them. Or else. She then calls an air raid into a walky talky. She hands the walky talky to Sad Day Monster and says to contact her on that. And next time. They won’t miss. Hey, Smurfette. Sorry to interrupt, but technically they didn’t miss. They hit their target. Unless they were supposed to blow up the camp. Then they missed. She’s really not intimidating.
Sad Day Monster smashes the radio and says “Here we go.” Yes! Now there’s definitely going to be a fight, right? All the setup is complete?
Claire goes to talk to Hurley. So no fighting then? OK. Locke goes to Sawyer and takes out a hand drawn map. I’m not joking when I say that I think I drew it. It was the best thing I have seen on this show. There was a little sailboat at the top. And a circle that said camp. It was AWESOME. Anyway, on it, he tells Sawyer where to find a boat and to bring it to him so they can go to Nerd Island and punch some faces. Sawyer asks to bring Kate.
He then asks Sayid if he has a minute and walks away. Jack looks dumbfounded. Sawyer tells him to bring the non-crazies to a different rendezvous point and they can escape. No one notices Claire is insane so they keep asking if she should be included. The answer is no.
Sad Day Monster asks Sayid to go kill Dez. Sayid seems reluctant. He asks Sayid if he still wants what they agreed to. He does.
Sayid approaches the well and he TOOK OUT HIS GUUUUN (said in South Park R. Kelly style). He’s lining up the perfect head shot when Dez starts asking him what the deal was. Dez makes a lot sense by asking Sayid what makes him think Sad Day Monster can bring his lady back to life, what will he tell her when he sees her, etc. My question is, how long has she been dead? Cuz you could be signing up to be hanging out with a rotting corpse, homeboy.
Kate and Sawyer find the boat. Sawyer says to Kate “There she blows! You ready to get wet?” Easy, Sawyer. You don’t want to come on too strong. Oh, you meant to swim. He then comments that the Pilot looks like he stepped off the set of a burt reynolds movie. Nice! High five to Sawyer who’s making more and more sense as time passes. He, as many people before him have, says that Claire is dangerous and can’t come with them.
Jack asks Claire how long she has been with Locke. She says years because he was the only one who didn’t ditch her. Aaaaw. Sad Day Monster is leading a large crew (where’d all these people come from) across the jungle. He asks Sun where Sayid is. Rather than telling him that she can’t talk, Pilot just stands there. Sun finally gets out her paper and tells him that he did this to her. He says he didn’t. Someone get Judge Joe Brown. Sad Day Monster gives instructions to Female Extra #1 to lead the people and he will meet them.
Jack, the master of subtlety, gathers everyone who is ditching this group and makes it as obvious as possible. They take off running. Hurley running is hard to miss so Claire notices they all ditched her (Again! frown.)
Sad Day Monster finds Sayid and asks where he’s been. He’s been worried sick. Sayid says he just shot an unarmed man and he needed a moment. We all know he’s lying. Sad Day Monster believes him anyway.
Jack looks lost. He consults the cocktail napkin map (mapkin?). “They should be right here! Next to the ketchup stain and above the little owl drawing!” They finally see the boat and make a run for it. Claire pops out with guns up. Kate and Claire haven’t filled out their Emmy reel yet so they have a heart to heart that ends with Claire getting on board with the escape plan. Literally!
Everyone’s on the boat and Sawyer explains the plan. Cuddle with Whitmore then put a gun in his face. Ah, the ol’ Tulsa Two-Step. I’m a fan. And so is the Pilot.
Sawyer asks Kate to take the wheel so he can go bust Sawyer’s chops. Jack says he doesn’t feel right leaving. He says that maybe they were brought to the island for a reason. And that Sad Day Monster wants them to leave so they can’t do that thing. Sawyer tells him to get off his damn boat. Didn’t know it was his now, but I agree with him. Jack apologizes for killing Juliette (the bomb was more responsible for it than him) and jumps off wearing his backpack and shoes 5 miles offshore.
Somehow he makes it to the beach. Sad Day Monster and a group of extras are there to greet him.
On the other island, every swims to shore. Nerds pop out of the woods. Jin is with them. He and Sun reunite. Sun can speak again. Love is nice. Why do they speak English to each other if it isn’t their native tongue? Everyone gets warm fuzzies. Smurfette ruins the fun by saying the deal is off and everyone needs to drop down to their knees.
Genius Jack, no more than 30 seconds after reuniting with Sad Day Monster, gets bombed by those jets. Forrest picks up Bubba and takes him to a safe place. Locke says don’t worry, you’re with him now. Being with him sucks so far.
Thoughts I Have
- I would like to see the two lost worlds told in linear format. So instead of jumping, we see everything on the island at once then everything not on the island. I think the redundancies would be glaring.
- I’d also like to show someone nothing but the first segment of the show and last 15 minutes of each episode and see if they could follow along. I bet they could.
- Bonus drawing this week. Woooo!
- Where’d all these people come from that Sad Day Monster is leading around? I know he’s popular, but this is ridiculous.