SPOILER ALERT!!!!! This blog contains information about creating this blog.  It might contain info you never wanted to know.  It certainly contains little to no information about lost.  But it also includes some merch so you should check it out anyway.

The Stork is claiming joint custody.

As mentioned in the spoiler alert, all this is answering some questions people have asked either through Twitter or the comments.

Oh, and the video from the live reading.  Which was fun and super awesome.

And some merchandise.  Which is super lame to only have created now, but so it goes.

There’s also links to other stuff that has been going on.

I’m gonna level with you.  I need to take up space in this section for that picture to show up properly.  Thanks for your patience.

That was fun.  Let’s put this baby to bed.


A bunch of stuff if you don’t feel like reading this but want to buy/see/read/listen to junk.

Never Seen Lost Merchandise
Yes, this would have been neat to have available already.  But better late than never.  I highly recommend the Sad Day Monster at work coffee mug.  If you have merch requests, just let me know and I will add them.


The Live Reading
I read this as a newscaster for some reason.  Don’t take my inflections as the way this is intended to be read.  Big ups to Eric Bee for filming and editing.  He is one of the aforementioned coworkers who loves LOST.  Also, thanks to everyone who came out.  It was a lot of fun.  I got to meet new friendly people.


Radio Askew interview: www.radioaskew.com
TV Zombies: www.televisionzombies.com episode 122

Special Guest Writing
815 Sentences about Lost: http://815sentencesaboutlost.com/post/439341099/the-day-the-final-season-of-lost-was-supposed-to Best place to quickly read the origin story of the blog.  Spoiler: It was not created in a lab when adamantium was grafted to it’s skeleton.
Super Duper Stream: 4 questions about the LOST Finale.  Good place to get final thoughts www.superduperstream.blogspot.com

Awesome Picture
Adam sent this to me after reading the spinoff ideas.  As you can see, we’re halfway to selling this to ABC.

Kudos to Adam for having the only non-hand drawn image on this entire blog

Some FAQs (that means Frequently Asked Questions)

What better way to start answering a few questions than a few from @wolfslice that he sent me several weeks ago.  I thought they were good questions.

once lost is over and your blog fades into obscurity, I would like to see an author Q&A.
Good. Here it is.  Also, 😦 to fading into obscurity regardless of how true it is.

What IS your favorite television program?
I really like South Park.  Futurama is hands down the most underrated TV show in history (note: underrated does not equal best).  I loved the Simpsons growing up.  I think you’re noticing a theme.

I’ve been meaning to watch the Wire.  Six Feet Under is the only drama that I can think of that I put out a lot of effort to watch new episodes as they came out.

Will you ever watch the older lost seasons?
Yes, I will watch older seasons.  I really hadn’t planned to but then all the flashback clips in the finale looked interesting and then I watched this video on College Humor and it made LOST look like a really good show.

Can you switch off your soul crushing sarcasm enough to enjoy any modern entertainment?
Yes.  But if I can’t (which happens far more often) it doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy watching something and can’t appreciate it for what it is or what it is intended to be.

and finally, it could be funny to read what you think the other seasons might have been like (plot points etc).
Full disclosure, I had watched the above video about unanswered questions and since watching the finale had found out that they left and came back.  This is pretty similar to my answer when first asked a while ago though.
Season 1: They crash. It’s about being stranded and making friends. They most likely start pairing up into boyfriend/girlfriend couples a la Saved by the Bell.
Season 2: Crazy stuff is going on on the island.  They’re all like “whaaaaaaa?”
Season 3: Crazy stuff reaches a peak and they all think “we need to get out of here” because they are in danger from the Sad Day Monster and other crashed people. Ends with them leaving the island.
Season 4: They’re off the island.  They feel weird without the island in their lives.  They probably realized that they left a remote tropical island full of supplies to go back to working full time jobs and it was a poor choice.
Season 5: They go back to the island to set up the final conflict.  We opened the last season with Team Jacob and Team Jack, this was when they were formed. Also, they decided to set off a nuke.
Season 6: The end.

enjoy the blog. Bye
See ya.  Thanks for the questions.

Here are some general questions that a bunch of people asked either in comments or Twitter.

Are you going to watch the series backwards and write about it?
Not planning on it.  Unless I miss writing a blog about LOST.  Which is possible.  It’s a really good idea.  I am not watching backwards though because the show actually looks pretty good from what I have seen in clips and flashbacks.  If it ever goes into syndication (the main way I watch TV) then who knows what order I will see episodes in.

Are you a gay man or a straight woman?
Neither.  Straight dude.  And I love sports.

What did you think of the final season/finale?
I was surprised how accessible it was.  I might not have gotten the same effect as people who had seen it all on some of the details, but overall I could tell what was happening.

As for the show itself, I thought the acting was incredible.  The cast was really impressive.  I was fine with the ending.  But I also tend to like more open ended things.  My opinion changed slightly on it after watching that video above (I promise I don’t work for College Humor and had nothing to do with the making of that video) once I realized that just saying “Everything on the island really happened” isn’t enough for the people who have done nothing but wonder what the island was for the last six years.

It’s their show though.  They can do whatever they want with it.  Better than anything I’ve put on TV.

Have you been reading the comments?
Nope.  My lovely fiance screened my emails and the comments for me.  I knew basically what people were talking about (wondering if I was a dude) but I managed to avoid the spoilers.  At one point (Episode 8 ) I thought I would peak down and see if I could read them.  First comment was about how Kate and Sawyer built a runway.  Sigh.

This is totally fake.  You’ve definitely seen every episode.  You’re probably a key grip on the set.
Nope.  I’m not lying.  I’ve never seen an episode of LOST before this season.  Happy to take a lie detector test.  Although that seems like a waste of important tax dollars.

I got the Fight Club reference from a few posts ago.  Where’s my gold star?
Here you go.  Sorry it took so long.

Just click it then print it and everyone will know how awesome you are.

Why can’t you spell/recognize names?
It’s all about what I write down/hear while I watch.  Having gone back and reading some of the comments, I think people got a little too upset over the Whitmore/Widmore mix up.  They sound the same to me.   Some I didn’t put much effort into finding out.  For example, I enjoyed calling him Toga.  I could never tell what his real name was and Toga seemed to work just fine. I never read any sort of write up so all I had to go on was what I heard.  Sometimes I was right, sometimes I was wrong.

The spouse stable has a hay loft above it. I'm not sure why, though.

Will you marry me?
Yes.  But only in the context of this blog.  And I’m a polygamist.  And there might be some dudes in my stable of spouses.  I’m accepting all marriage proposals.

Why do you hate Jack?
I don’t hate Jack.  The point (or goal) was to take the show for face value based on the final season.  Which is exactly how the show is not intended to be taken.  Jack makes a lot of bad choices.  I think it came across as anger or hate more so because I couldn’t believe everyone kept listening to him.  Clearly they just need to roll with Miles and Ricardo.

Now what?
As of right now, I’ll probably write something similar next fall when TV shows are back.  Lead candidates are Smallville and Desperate Housewives.  We’ll see.  You can follow me on Twitter (@jdurbin) or email me (neverseenlost[at]yahoo[dot]com) and I will keep you posted.  Feel free to contact me if you have any unanswered questions or have a merch request.

I’ve enjoyed reading this!  You made me LOL!
I love making people LOL.  I’m glad that you enjoyed it.  I started writing this for a handful of friends, but having other people like it (especially people who loved the show and I didn’t know) just made it more fun to write.  I’m glad you came by and had some fun with me.

You should do a montage of every character’s death!
I can’t think of a better way to end this.

And now, a drawing of every character’s death or how I assume they died if we never saw it.  I’ll let you have the fun of guessing each one.  I’ll put a guide in the comments in a couple days.

And for those who want a longer look, here’s all the pictures that went into the making of this film.

Thanks for reading! It's been fun.

64 responses to this post.

  1. Whoo-hoo, it’s finally here! I love ya.


  2. PS: Add me to your stable of spouses.


  3. A+ dude. Total A+.


  4. Posted by T on June 9, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Get Eric to make your reading a public video!


  5. Posted by Karolyn on June 9, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    I really enjoyed the blog. And I would also like to join your little polygamist family. I have no prospects and love the idea of a virtual marriage. I think all marriages should be virtual. It would cut down on the divorce rate, and put some lawyers out of work, which is kind of win-win, in
    my opinion. So, Papa Durbin, if it’s okay with your fiancé, would you add me to your stable Of spouses as well?


  6. Posted by OnBakerStreet on June 9, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    I am going to have to think about those deaths. Who the hell got eaten by a shark? Love the recaps. I’ll miss them a lot. I do hope you recap more in the future.


  7. Posted by Moy on June 9, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    I don’t want to marry you but would love to be able to see the video on Vimeo.

    can you set the privacy setting to “anyone”?


  8. Posted by Kristi on June 9, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    I think we all know who the Grim Reaper is talking to- Miles, your awesome partner in high-fiving, of course!!! I’m trying to figure out who the lemonade stand guy is- Hurley? And is the shark eating Ben?


  9. Posted by Kristi on June 9, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    No, Hurley can’t be the lemonade guy- Hurley has to be the one buried under millions of dollars and hookers. Yeah, that’s it…


  10. Posted by Libby on June 9, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    I say you should go for Desperate Housewives… Smallville sucks balls.


  11. Posted by Iggy on June 9, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    Thank you so much, I tried to read Episode 17 out loud to my daughter, but kept laughing too hard. You did an awesome job, and I hope to be able to read more of your thoughts, and see the lovely pictures you draw. Thanks!!!!!! 🙂


  12. Posted by Kal on June 9, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    OMG you’re awesome!! you’re beyond awesome!!

    You took this show that i’ve been loving for like 4+ yrs and made it soooooooo much more entertaining! I laughed more than I can possibly tell you reading ur blogs. I’ll miss this just as much as the episodes themselves… Looking forward to whatever you come up with next 😀


    P.S. um…so is there still more room in that spouse stable of yours? lol


  13. I just had to come back (I mean, now that I’m one of your wives, I think I should have the privilege of talking your ear off) to express my envy of you for the wonderful journey that’s ahead when you finally get to watch the entire series. LOST was absolutely amazing the first few seasons; I think you’ll be just as captivated as the rest of us. (I would love to hear your opinion of “wienery” Ben once you’ve properly met him!) And by the time you’ve finished, I think you’ll be even more aware of how you helped make that final, bizarre season so much more enjoyable for its loyal fans. Thank you again for making me laugh uncontrollably so very often (when I wasn’t saying, “I know, right?!” to your many perceptive observations).

    Hooray for Sad Day Monster! His death in your montage gives me the giggles every time I look at it. And I will never forget Toga, Sea Captain and Jake.

    Now take out the garbage, already; it’s really stinking up the place. And quit leaving your socks on the floor. What do I look like, your maid?


    One of your many wives


  14. Posted by beema on June 9, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    It’s been great fun reading this blog man, thanks so much for doing it! Definitely one of the main highlights of Lost’s final season for me. Also, finally some sad day monster t shirts! I’ve been waiting for those forever…
    One merch request if I may. Can you offer the Sad Day Monster Is My Copilot t-shirt in plain white and where the image is centered on the shirt? That would be perfectly perfect (technical term).

    This blog has effectively helped me shake off my Lost-is-ending (and now over) malaise and I thank you for it sir. Hope to see more from you soon 🙂


  15. Posted by debi on June 9, 2010 at 10:13 pm

    Syndication, please! Most of your friends probably own the dvds, and you can streaM them at netflix, hulu, abc.com…waiting for something on syndication isso 90’s dude!

    Thanks for the laughs!


  16. Posted by Marcus on June 9, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    Final Thoughts:

    1) The url of the blog sorta bothered me. Something about using seen without have or has.

    2) Smallville I have no idea about, but if you do a blog about it, I may decide to follow along with the series. I never saw that show, but heard decent things about it from old roommates.

    3) The best ideas start small and snowball from there. The guy who wrote the “Stuff White People Like” blog said the origin of that was just for his own personal musings and shared it with just a handful of friends. So congrats on writing something you love for your own enjoyment and allowing others the chance to follow along.

    4) Best wishes to you and your fiancée. May you two find many years of happiness together.


  17. Posted by Gunslinger on June 10, 2010 at 12:14 am

    Loved all your posts this season they were hysterical! Thanks for all the laughs.

    I’ve got this blog on bloglines, so if (when) you start a new one at a different address, how about you make a little announcement post here so everyone will know where to find you.


  18. Posted by Gil on June 10, 2010 at 12:26 am

    did you hear about the suppose epilogue that will be on the dvd release? It is suppose to show Hugo and ben during their time on the island, its suppose to be around 14 mins long. well, now you know.


  19. Posted by Alex Trebek on June 10, 2010 at 7:00 am

    My guesses, in video order

    Jack, Smokey, Ilana (or Sayid), Hurley (jumps from the lighthouse), Zoe, Richard (money and whoors), Desmond (can’t take it anymore), Lapidus, Widmore, ? (a horse??), Sayid (or Ilana), Claire (don’t quite get it though), Jin and Sun, Kate, Ben (I can only tell by the shirt in the other pictures), Miles


    • Posted by Alex Trebek on June 10, 2010 at 7:01 am

      Oh, wait, I didn’t get Sawyer. Has to be the horse one, but I don’t get it.


      • Posted by Alex Trebek on June 10, 2010 at 7:02 am

        Oh, wait again.

        Whores = Sawyer
        Horse = Richard


        • Posted by Alex Trebek on June 10, 2010 at 7:34 am

          Also, the first exploding person is Sayid (black tank top). Ilana is the other one.


          • You are correct, sir. I couldn’t think of anything for Claire, so I just imagined she drove a monster truck and accidently flipped it. I also intended that Hurley fell from the lighthouse, but that’s not important to anyone except the criminal investigators. Sawyer is crushed under a pile of money and women.

          • Posted by Alex Trebek on June 10, 2010 at 6:12 pm

            Nice soundtrack, too. Thanks for the fun!

          • Posted by Alex Trebek on June 10, 2010 at 6:13 pm

            Oh, and I believe you now. 😉 My guess is that you broke the golf caption when you added the note weeks ago.

  20. Posted by Blane Mather on June 10, 2010 at 7:57 am

    Thanks for the amazingly entertaining writing. For a person who’s been following every episode of this series since day one, you’ve made the final season even more enjoyable than expected (and a lot more humorous than the show’s producers expected, I bet!)

    Congratulations on publishing an amateur, popular, humorous blog for an extended period time with childish drawings, and yet impeccable grammar and structure. Good quality work!

    Two quick points: The http://www.printfection.com/neverseenlost link is not clickable … you might want to mend the HTML there.

    And the link to the video at the College Humor site does not appear to be working. It could be a traffic or maintenance thing, or it could be they were asked to take it down (although that seems unlikely … one of the joys of following LOST was seeing how liberally the show’s producers allowed the fans to use copyright protected show material on the internet,)

    I’ll second the opinion on Netflix here ,,, for $9.00 a month you can watch every episode of LOST at the speed you want … IN THE RIGHT ORDER! … plus, you can watch so many other television shows and movies. And a ton of them are available for instant streaming over the internet, It’s a great entertainment value.

    Anyway, thanks again!


  21. Posted by EddieW on June 10, 2010 at 10:07 am

    I think one is Hurley falling out of the lighthouse.

    If you do another “never seen” blog I hope you pick something more interesting than Smallville.


  22. Posted by Jay on June 10, 2010 at 11:55 am

    Thanks for the great reads and enjoy watching Season 1+. I know we’d all love to get your feedback on it as well, but we’ll see how that goes.

    Oh, and by the way, It’s been in syndication for a while now. I think UPN or something shows them all the time.


    • Posted by EddieW on June 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm

      Yes it is in syndication but often out of order so that’s not a good way for someone to catch up on it. It’s all on Hulu and he can watch it anytime he wants there in pretty good quality.


  23. Posted by Geoff on June 10, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    Great blog, loved reading it each week.

    My vote for your next project has to be for The Wire, which you mentioned wanting to see. Best show I’ve ever seen, with Lost as a close 2nd.


  24. Posted by spacyz on June 10, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Love your pictures and sense of humor. Will miss Lost and your blog.

    I recommend Supernatural as another possible show. It has a lot of dedicated fans, an ongoing mythology, and has terrific writing and humor. Don’t bother with Desperate Housewives. I watch a heck of a lot of t.v. and even I gave up on that one after the first few good seasons. It went downhill, and isn’t worth watching anymore.


  25. Posted by Verinon on June 10, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    I just read all of these in one sit-down and I must say, you are a comic genius sir (or is it madame?). You should really do a blog about watching past episodes of Lost, because then I would buy some merch from you (and so would other people!). So get to it! Oh, and rent them on DVD for cryin out loud. Watching them with commercials is lame.


  26. Posted by kyle on June 11, 2010 at 11:31 am

    you should do this again but for Flash Forward. The show is pretty good and almost as strange as LOST. As a bonus, Charlie and Penny from LOST are regulars in it too. Check it out


  27. Posted by Sophie on June 11, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    A shark……eating Benjamin……say it ain’t so…..



  28. Thanks very much for this entire gorgeous thing. I had a great time reading it all as someone who had not Never Seen Lost, in contrast to yourself. I do hope you find another worthy TV program to focus around again – it will be hard to trump this one, though, due mainly to the mystery nature of Lost and all of its unsolved questions. Not too many shows like that around these days, not to Lost extent.

    If you’ve never seen Madmen, their 4th season starts in July. It’s a really brilliantly made show and an extremely well acted one as well. Not many mysteries to throw you off, but likely more enjoyable than Desperate Housewives, a show that was never that great to begin with. Just a suggestion, natch.

    Thanks again – looking forward to the successes of your future exploits!


  29. Posted by Ben and Susan on June 12, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    Hello from your Indiana fans- (the ones from the live reading!)

    Again, thanks for all the great posts- we will definitely be getting some merch. What if you tried watching the last 20 minutes of popular movies you haven’t seen and blogging about those?

    Also, is there still room in the stable of spouses?


  30. Posted by Tim Thomason on June 15, 2010 at 3:03 am

    1. Jake dead with Vincent the Dog hanging around.
    2. Sad Day Monster dead on a cliffside.
    3. Said blown up (see tank top)
    4. Hurley falling off the Lighthouse (isn’t he immortal?)
    5. Sad Day Monster stabbing Zoe
    6. Sawyer dead under a pile of women and money (per papadurbin above, knew it was Sawyer but wasn’t sure of the action)
    7. Desmond hanging himself with sad Ben and Hurley (and sad Penny and Charlie in another part of the world)
    8. Sea/Air Captain being killed at an airshow
    9. Whitmore (with hair?) being killed by Ben w/ Sad Day Monster watching
    10. Ricardo dead with horse.
    11. Illiana being blown up. Classic Ilyana.
    12. “Big Claire” dead (according to papadurbin, overturned Monster Truck because he couldn’t think of anything appropriate)
    13. Sun & Jin floating away from the destroyed submarine. Sad Ji Yeon in another part of the world.
    14. Kate being gunned down by police. But not before she whips out an awesome sub-machine gun.
    15. Ben being eaten by a shark. I’d say a DHARMA shark if not for papadurbin’s lack of knowledge in such things.
    16. Miles aweing the Grim Reaper and obviously becoming an immortal bada**.
    17. John Durbin (papadurbin) dying while waving goodbye? Man that’s cold.

    Should I print out my gold star?


  31. Posted by Belica on June 15, 2010 at 4:55 am

    I never thought I could laugh so hard reading a blog. Althoug I expected a little more from this season, your recaps did the trick. Even when the episode wasn’t so good, I could think “Don’t worry, Papa Durbin will make it better” and you always did.

    By the way, don’t be mad at me: I didn’t order anything from your merchandising, but I made myself a Lost T-shirt with the picture of John Lock and I named him as Sad Day Monster. That way I joined two of my Lost’s favorite things: Terry O’queen and your blog.

    Thanks for the laughs from Spain,



  32. Posted by Keenan on June 15, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    I’m not sure that I’m ready for a marital commitment, so can we just be bestfriends for now?


  33. Posted by hementionedmeinyourface on June 16, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    YESSSSSSSSSSS HE MENTIONED ME AND MY PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.


  34. Posted by hementionedmeinyourface on June 16, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    YESSSSSSSSSSS HE MENTIONED ME AND MY PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..


  35. Posted by Daniel on June 17, 2010 at 9:26 am

    **if your scanning these comments**

    thanks for the blog, really enjoyed it and always had a good laugh.

    Most importantly though, if you go back and watch the whole series, I recommend sticking to the right order. Watching an episode out of place here and there goes against the spirit of the show (sort of like only tuning into the final season or finale… Without having the purpose of writing a kickass blog of course).


  36. Hi.

    Thanks for the article ..


  37. Posted by Kerry on June 24, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Sad thing is I am going to miss this blog more than I will miss the show! I would always read it at work because laughing out loud always makes the day better.

    (If you ever get a book deal, I will read your book!)


  38. Wonderful stuff dude, I fell in love with this blog. The highlight of it all for me was the “water you doing here?” pun. Just brilliant. Thank you my friend! 🙂

    Love from Ireland


  39. Posted by LOST LUVA on January 8, 2011 at 1:00 am

    ROFLMAO. Lol your attempt to read comments was an utter failure. Thankgod your fiancee is KYU (Keeping you updated) with the comments. If you are going to start writing another “I’m watching the last season of this show and I donno wth is going on” I HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend doing Smallville! PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEEE! Do Smallville!
    My reasons to do Smallville:
    Desperate Housewives have utterly different viewers to the type of shows you have been writing about. Aka lost.
    Desperate Housewives is simply for adults and is at times SICKENING!
    Many of your lost fans do not like Desperate Housewives. You will loose viewers. Aka ME!
    Smallville is simply mores suitable!
    Yeah, I’m a bit biased.
    I realised I am a reaaalllyyy late commenter and I am wondering if you have started a new blog for a different TV show already. I couldn’t find you on twitter for some reason.
    That’s all.
    ❤ From AUSTRALIA!


  40. Posted by Blane Mather on January 8, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    Except for the comment about bias, none of that is true.

    I’m a person who watched every episode of Lost, loved this whole blog … and has never watched more than half an episode of Smallville.

    I’m a long time superhero fan and have hung with most superhero TV series like Lois & Clark and Heroes until they went bad. I have no patience for the fact that the Smallville plotline has sacrificed the idea that an origin story should take up one or two episodes and then the show should make with the superheroics in deference to mining the beautiful young actors for nine long years of teen angst. Plus, I’m amused when the comic fans have an online nerdgasm when a real-life costumed superhero actually does make an appearance on a episode of the show.

    No, I’ve never seen an episode of Smallville that could keep my attention for more than half an hour. I have, however, watched every episode of Desperate Housewives. I don’t know if that’s the ideal show for this kind of blog, but it darned well lends itself to this concept better than Smallville does.


  41. This is the best Lost music video spoof I have ever seen… hey check this out for all you die hard lost fans!


  42. I really enjoyed reading this – blogging Lost season one now as I watch it with my two older kids. They love it – they are mesmerized. Will be fun watching this summer.


  43. Posted by dionysuspsyche on January 19, 2013 at 9:48 pm

    You should do one for Doctor Who.


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