Episode 12 of the Final Season of LOST

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!! This is a blog about another episode of LOST where nothing happens for 45 minutes then we get teased to tune in next week.  If you haven’t seen this week’s episode, then you should wait to watch it before reading all the different ways the LOST writers and I team up to disparage Hurley.

Everyone is ganging up on Hurley.

Side note. I was in high school when the last episode of Seinfeld aired.  For those unfamiliar with the show, one of the big gags of that final episode was having a cavalcade of past residual characters make appearances.  It was immensely rewarding for people who had loyally watched the show through its entirety.  The next day I was talking about the episode with a couple people (as you can surmise, I was very cool in high school) and one of the people said it was dumb and stupid and not funny and the worst thing he had ever seen (paraphrasing).  We didn’t love the episode, but we certainly didn’t have the same vitriolic reaction that he did.  Then someone asked if he had ever seen Seinfeld before.  He said no.  Mystery solved.  He just didn’t get the point.

Why did I write that really boring paragraph with lots of obscure words?  Because I realized I am that guy who had never seen an episode of Seinfeld but watched the finale.  When old characters come back I have no connection to them, I just judge based on what I see.  I think it finally dawned on me in this episode because it there were a couple characters from past seasons that would make a Lostie squee with delight.  But I just want to see someone fight or blow up.  Lucky for me, I got one of my wishes.

Oh, and this episode is about Hurley.  Which means that the writers on LOST and I will get a lot of stored up comments about his weight out of our system.  If you get offended, don’t shoot the messenger, the show makes more fun of him than I do.  I’m just more blatant about it.

Overall What is Happening

The cork on a bottle of wine analogy still holds up.  Ricardo even remembers it after 300 years (approx.).   We have the added layer that there’s a bunch of dead people who can’t move on from the island so their souls just wander aimlessly and they talk through one person who can hear them.  Which is the direct plot of the movie Ghost.  I’ll keep an eye out for Jack and Kate to make a clay pot.

Also, Team Protagonist is ready to bust some skulls against the Sad Day Monster’s ragtag crew of mercenaries.  But they don’t yet.

Detailed Episode Recap

We’re trying something new.  Instead of breaking up the storylines I am going to go how the story unfolds.  “But how will we know when you’re in what world?”  Don’t worry, beautiful reader, I’ll do the same thing LOST does and make helicopter sounds every time I switch.

We kick things off at a black tie affair with some old guy (who probably is critical to the plot of Lost) giving a speech.  He says “there is one thing we can all agree upon” (close up picture of Hurley shows up) “this guy eats too many cheeseburgers.”  No he didn’t.  He said everyone loves Hugo.  Which is already a better show than Everybody Loves Raymond.  He then continues on by saying that Hurley satisfied his lifelong love affair with chicken by buying the Mr. Cluck’s franchise.  There’s just a lot wrong with this whole sequence.  I’m pretty sure saying he had a lifelong love affair with chicken was a veiled dig at his weight.  Also, Mr. Cluck’s was the best chicken restaurant name they could come up with?  What a slap in the face to Popeye’s, KFC, and Chik-Fil-A. Why not… um… or…  I can’t think of any better names. But I’m sure they exist.

After degrading Hurley, the MC tries to build him back up by talking about all his charity work.  Nothing groundbreaking (pun intended) here other than one of the pictures is of Hurley in front of some land with a sign that says “experimental farming.”  The experiment is probably to see if he can grow McNuggets.

They announce Hugo Reyes as man of the year and they give him a T-Rex trophy, which is pretty awesome, but not very professional.  His mom starts giving him the business after the award show.  “Everyone loves Hugo but women.”  Ouch, Mrs. Reyes.  Hurley says he is too busy.  His mom says he is too scared.  I say he’s too fat.  All sound theories.  Mrs. Reyes backs up her talk and informs Hurley she set him up for a blind date.  This is one thing I have to disagree with.  Hurley is a funny nice dude with TONS of money who does a lot of philanthropic work.  I guarantee there is a woman out there who would aggressively pursue him.  The actor who plays Hurley probably gets this effect just because he portrays Hurley. Anyway…

Woosh Woosh Woosh

Hurley is out in the woods kneeling at a little cross with the name Libby written on it.  He then proceeds to beg a corpse to talk to him.  Not one of his bettter moments.  When Illyana shows up she asks some questions about who Libby was.  Thanks, Illyana.  Turns out it was the girl that liked Hurley as more than friends.  I can say “the” vs “a” because there has been only one.  They were going to have a picnic but she was murdered.  Bummer.  Hurley makes his signature frowny face. You know what I’m talking about.  He always makes a frowny face (his “acting” face) where it looks like his upper lip and bottom lip are wrestling and his bottom lip is winning in a landslide.  Whatever, I notice it.

A black guy (!?) showed up while I was dissecting Hurley’s lips.  He’s here to stop Hurley from getting everyone killed.  He’s gonna shut down his fast food franchise?  This is the guy who killed Libby.  Instantly trustworthy. He informs Hurley that since everyone is listening to Hurley now, everyone will die.  Aw.  Poor Hurley.

Woosh Woosh Woosh

Hurley is sitting alone in a mexican restaurant racking some tortilla chips.  Chip Guy must have thought “son of a b” when Hurley sat down.  This show also seems a little racist for sending Hugo Reyes to a Mexican restaurant.  Of course, it would have been hard for the writers to squeeze in jokes about Hurley eating chips alone if they hadn’t.  The restaurant is called Spanish Johnny’s.  Somehow they did worse than Mr. Cluck’s.

These tables tend to stand out in a restaurant.

A blonde woman shows up and seems really disoriented. The only complaint against her is that she looks like she has some miles (not the cool guy on the island) on her.  Hurley has no chance.  Turns out this is not his blind date but just a woman who saw him from across the restaurant.  She reaches out and holds hands.  Yes! Score, Hurley! Toss game! Toss game!  She asks if Hurley believes in love at first sight. Hurley bumbles and sweats.  You’re blowing it! She then asks if Hurley remembers her.  He asks “should I?”  Fellas, if in this scenario, the answer is always “course I do.”  You can figure it out later.  Senator Kelly (from X-Men) comes over to throw salt on Hurley’s game.  She calls him Dr. Brooks.  Apparently she wandered off.  There was an asylum trip over to Spanish Johnny’s I guess.  Hurley follows them out and we see a bunch of crazies getting into a van.  Guess Hurley didn’t notice the table of six people who are mentally abnormal when he walked in.  Based on what I can tell of the people getting into the van, I’m not sure how.  Either way, High Standards Hurley still wants to hang out with Libby.

Woosh Woosh Woosh

Illyana has a big ol’ satchel of boom sticks.  There’s a little trepidation in the folks around her.  She points out that she was supposed to hear from Richard what to do next.  Richard says blow up the plane, so let’s blow it up. She’s also been training for this her whole life.  Good thing things worked out the way they did then.  KABOOM! Dynamite goes off.  So she’s dead.  Which is good because I was tired of typing her name.  Although, based on what we learned in the first episode when Juliette set off a nuke, Illyana is probably fine.

On the other side of the island, Sad Day Monster is widdlin’.  Sawyer is awesome and starts asking him why they’re just sitting around.  Locke says, for the 15th time, that since they all came to the island together they need to leave together.  Is no one on this island paying attention?  He even specifies he needs Hurley, Jack and Sun.  Starting writing this down, Lost characters.

Sayid shows up looking a little guilty.  He asks to talk to Locke in private.  Locke is way too eager to accommodate.  I think he thinks they’re gonna go make out in the woods.  Locke is disappointed Sayid didn’t kill those nerds on the island.  Sayid leads him to a clearing where Desmond is happily tied to a tree.  Locke gives a very weird long creepy look.  Images of Deliverance pop in my head.  Not because of Lost.  It just happens from time to time.

Now that Illyana blew up, Team Protagonist is left figuring out next steps.  Richard thinks they should get more dynamite.  Jack sez that maybe Illyana died to teach us to stay away from dynamite.  They all agree that Richard is right because Jack is always wrong.  They plan to go get more dynamite.  Surprisingly, no one asks Jack why he’s been walking around with a backpack on for the last 2 hours.

Woosh Woosh Woosh

Hurley is in one of his restaurants and orders a bucket of fried chicken (see what I mean when I say they make fun of him).  Dez happens to be in the same Mr. Cluck’s.  He approaches Hurley and says he recognizes him.  He asks him if he was on Oceanic flight 815.  Hurley looks as interested in this conversation as I am.  Dez calls him out on the bucket of chicken.  Hurley says he eats when he’s depressed.  By looking at him, Hurley must be suicidal.  Hurley starts telling Dez about Libby and how he met this awesome girl (you didn’t even talk to her, grow up) and now she’s gone.  Dez asks if he believed her when she said she knew him.  Hurley says yes because he is desparate.  Dez gives some interesting advice that Hurley should find out where she thinks she knows him from before giving up.  I don’t believe this whole sequence because of the simple reason that I doubt Dez would go eat at Mr. Cluck’s.

Woosh Woosh Woosh

Dez is surprisingly calm for being tied to a tree.  Desmond tells Sad Day Monster waaaaaay too much info about being kidnapped and blasted with electromagnetism.  Sad Day Monster seems surprised at all the info and asks Dez if he knows who he is.  Desmond sez “you’re John Locke.”  Sad Day Monster keeps a poker face.  He tells Sayid to go away and he and Desmond are going to go for a walk.  I think we all know where this is going.

Team Protagonist goes running through the woods.  I think they are only a slight upgrade from the nerd army on nerd island.  Linus gets all boring and talks about how the island was done with Illyana and so she blew up. They lost Hurley.  No one knows where he is.  I doubt he outran any of you, how do you not know where he is?  Oh, there he is, running towards us.  KABOOM, he blows up Richard’s boat.  Good work Hurley.

Hurley claims he did this to protect everyone.  Michael (the token black guy) told him to.  We also find out there are a bunch of dead people yelling at Hurley.  That’s sad for him.

Woosh Woosh Woosh

Hurley is talking to Senator Kelly (Dr. Brooks) who informs him that Lilly has issues with reality and it wouldn’t be a good idea for Hurley to see her.  This is a terrible version of Romeo and Juliet.  Hurley starts talking about donations to the hospital.  Senator Kelly seems confused.  Look, Hurley knows how prostitution works.  How much will it cost for me to bang one of your patients?  And apparently there is a price.

A copy of the check Hurley wrote to Dr. Brooks.

Hurley just hangs out in the lobby with the other patients.  Which seems like stange protocol.  She comes out, he stands up to greet her.  He does a Yokozuna Banzai Drop on an unfortunate folding chair, they start chatting.  Libby says that she saw him in a commercial and instantly started having other memories of their life together.  What kind of memories asks Hurley.  “A plane crash.  A flimsy plot with inane twists.  A naive view of love.  Oh and an island.  We knew each other.”  Hurley says this is his first time in a mental hospital.  Usually he buys his women at clubs you have to have a secret password to enter.  And he doesn’t remember her.  She gets upset and says she knows she is crazy.  If you are aware of your insanity, does that really make you sane?  Something to ponder.  Libby is here voluntarily so she can leave whenever she wants.  Hurley wants to know if she wants to do something.  “You mean… like a date…?”  Yes. He means like a date. Other than using a stereotypical line the only reason to ask him this in this situation is to get a heads up on whether he’s gonna make a move or not.

Woosh Woosh Woosh

Dez and Sad Day Monster are walking through the woods.  Sad Day Monster sees a kid.  The kid smiles at him.  Sad Day Monster tells Desmond to ignore him and seems incredibly frustrated.  Is Sad Day Monster a pedophile?

Ricardo is freaking out about the blown up dynamite.  Hurley says that Jacob is telling him they just have to go talk to Sad Day Monster.  Ricardo tells Hurley to ask Jacob what the island is.  Yes, please do, for the sake of all of us.  Ricardo is trying to prove Hurley is not talking to Jacob.  I like Ricardo.  He’s smart.  Hurley says he doesn’t have to prove anything.  Yes you do Hurley. You can’t just make a claim that people need to go reason with a murdering rain cloud instead of blowing up it’s only means of escaping without having some justification.  Ricardo starts his own branch of protagonists.  Miles is with him.  So is Linus.  Jack is with Hurley.  Uh oh.  Guess we know Hurley is wrong now.  Sun and the Air Captain join Hurley’s squad too.

Somehow 6 hours pass since they had this conversation and they’re walking through the jungle at night.  Sun asks Air Captain if they made a mistake.  Air Captain says probably.  I say definitely.  Hurley confesses to Jack he didn’t see Jacob back there.  He wanted people to listen.  Jack sees Hurley making a play for an Emmy and gives the following monologue: “Ever since I got Juliette killed I wanted to fix it.  And I can’t ever fix it.  It’s hard for me to sit back and tell people what they should do.  Maybe that’s the point.  Maybe I’m supposed to let go.”  Other than the first part, I think this monologue might have been in Gleaming the Cube.

They hear some weird noises and Hurley says he thinks he knows what they are.  He runs into Michael who tells him he is stuck on the island because of what he did.  There are others like him who can’t move on.  Cool, like in Ghost.  Got it. Hurley asks where Locke is, Michael points to the obvious camp.  Before leaving Hurley asks if there is anything Hurley can do for him.  Michael says don’t die.  Then someone might want to get him to eat salads when he gets depressed rather than buckets of fried chicken.

Woosh Woosh Woosh

Hurley gives us a little upshirt shot as he lays out a blanket on the beach.  He proudly announces to Libby that he bought six kinds of cheeses.  Cheese on a hot beach sounds really unpleasant.  Libby looks understandably uncomfortable.  She says this feels like a date they never had.  Right, because they are doing it now.  Hurley asks why she even wants to be with him.  Because she is crazy.  Libby, however, lies and says “because I like you.”  You’ve had a combined 2 minutes on the same screen together and have yet to have a conversation that doesn’t center around your belief that you’re soulmates.  What exactly does she like about him?

They lean in to have a face measuring contest and accidently touch lips.  There is a montage of island stuff.  Hurley suddenly gets it.  Dez has been sitting in his car, being creepy and cool all at once.  He drives away.

Sad Day Monster and Dez approach a well.  We all know Dez is getting tossed down there, but first they have to talk about it.  Sad Day Monster drops a torch down it to show how deep it is.  He says they weren’t looking for water when they dug it, they were looking for reasons why the island made compass needles freak out.  Electromagnetism!  My God!  It’s so obvious!  Oh, wait.  Sad Day Monster rags on Whitmore then asks Dez why he’s not afraid.  Dez doesn’t see the point in being afraid.  Sad Day Monster throws him in the well.  Dez might just have crappy instincts.

Back at camp, Sayid asks where Dez went.  He just says they don’t have to worry about him anymore.  Sawyer is trying to win the “Aggressively Question Locke” award and asks where he has been.  Just then there is a rustle and Hurley emerges from the woods.  Sawyer looks unhappy that he has to hang out with Hurley now.  Hurley plays negotiator and says nobody do anything stupid to get people hurt.  Well, since you did Sad Day Monster’s job for him by hand delivering the last of the people he needs to escape, you don’t have to worry about that.  The rest come out of the woods.  Jack looks especially dumbfounded at the world around him.  Sad Day Monster’s heart flutters with joy.  He gives a long creepy hello to Jack.  Just him?  Nobody else gets a hello?  Fine.

Woosh Woosh Woosh

Dez is hanging out in the parking lot of a school.  Linus approaches his car to inform him that this is his molesting turf and he’s not looking to share.  Dez tells him he is considering the school for his son.  Linus tells him how great the school is.  Wait, a few episodes ago didn’t you say the school was awful and the principal was doing a terrible job and it was so bad that you tried to blackmail the principal to get his job to make the school slightly better than a piece of garbage? I guess I can see why that wasn’t your salespitch.

Wheelchair Locke is having a tough time on the hills in the parking lot (no one wants to help him by giving him a push?).  Dez, tired of Linus’s lies, punches the accelerator and DESTROYS Wheelchair Locke.  He really messes him up.  It seems completely unnecessary.  But admittedly it was so absurd that I laughed pretty hard.  Especially when Dez looked in his rear view mirror with a smirk.

Thoughts I Have

  • This was what I thought was originally going to be the series finale.  How quickly time flies.
  • That sea captain is a good person to have in your corner.
  • I think you could watch the last 15 minutes of each episode for the entire season and not miss anything important.
  • As punishment for all my rude comments to Hurley, I am going to go spend some time in timeout.

    I'm grounded until next week.


100 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Benoit on April 14, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    First

    Reply

    • Posted by Benoit on April 14, 2010 at 3:14 pm

      That was awesome.
      Every week, i most enjoy your reviews that lost himself.

      But, for this week i was expected a video montage about Ilana, like the toga one !

      Reply

  2. That’s a lot of chicken!

    Reply

  3. been waiting all day! yay!

    Reply

  4. Posted by Kristi on April 14, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    Seriously, you crack me up. Favorite lines?

    “Images of Deliverance pop in my head. Not because of Lost. It just happens from time to time.”
    “Cheese on a hot beach sounds really unpleasant.”

    and my favoritest (not a real word, I know) favorite?

    “Linus approaches his car to inform him that this is his molesting turf and he’s not looking to share.”

    Reply

  5. Posted by Em on April 14, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    “He’s here to stop Hurley from getting everyone killed. He’s gonna shut down his fast food franchise?”

    I lol’ed pretty hard. Hilarious as always. I look forward to your blogs almost as much as the episode itself.

    Reply

  6. Posted by other on April 14, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    The memo field of Hurley’s check to Dr. Brooks is the lmfao moment of this post. Nice work!

    Reply

  7. Posted by Em on April 14, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    “He’s here to stop Hurley from getting everyone killed. He’s gonna shut down his fast food franchise?”

    I lol’ed pretty hard. Hilarious as always. I look forward to your blog almost as much as the episode itself!

    Reply

  8. Posted by Kristi on April 14, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    Oh, and maybe Sad Day Monster threw Desmond down the well to try and save Baby Jessica.

    (Sadly, this comment will most likely age me and will be lost on the younger generation…LOL)

    Reply

  9. Posted by eman on April 14, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    I’m glad Lawnmower Man is the Sea Captain again…

    Reply

  10. Posted by iagoalmeida on April 14, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    good job, dude. your post are hilarious 😀

    Reply

  11. Posted by Clayton on April 14, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    Anybody catch that Hugo donated to the “Human Fund?” That must have been referring to the fake charity that George Costanza created on Seinfeld. Made me laugh that this blogger discusses his approach to Lost being similar to his Seinfeld story.

    Reply

  12. Posted by cp on April 14, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    Woosh Woosh Woosh

    Love it!

    Reply

  13. Posted by Esther on April 14, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    Go back to your old style! the woosh was great as an experiment but please don’t keep it, too many jumps :/ (Yes, I know, Lost is that way)

    I laughed so hard when Ilyana died, I didn’t see it coming that way, but I was horrified to watch Dez run over Locke, poor Locke 😦 I actually thought Dez stopped and looked into his rear view mirror because he was going to go back to run over him again :S

    Who is the sea captain? I don’t remember!

    Reply

  14. Posted by Veritas on April 14, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    Bonus points for the Gleaming the Cube reference…

    Such a great movie!

    Reply

  15. Posted by George Kaplan on April 14, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    “The restaurant is called Spanish Johnny’s. Somehow they did worse than Mr. Cluck’s.”

    I loved that little detail, on account of the fact it was a Bruce Springsteen reference (in addition to the name “Rosalita”). Both are from songs on the same album, “The Wild, The Innocent, and the E Street Shuffle”.

    But sadly, Mr. Cluck’s is not a Springsteen reference.

    Reply

    • Posted by Bad Scooter on April 15, 2010 at 12:05 pm

      My guess illiana was in the chicken suit: They Blew up the chicken man in phyilly last night From Bruce Springsteen’s Atlantic City

      Reply

  16. Posted by oldfarmer on April 14, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    LMAO Deliverance reference so funny. Still, Everybody Does Love Hugo. He’s the best.

    Reply

  17. the new style made the column longer i think. =)

    i always thought it was just one big Wooooosh though!

    Reply

  18. Posted by Rerun on April 14, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    “Dez is hanging out in the parking lot of a school. Linus approaches his car to inform him that this is his molesting turf and he’s not looking to share.” AND
    “Hurley says he eats when he’s depressed. By looking at him, Hurley must be suicidal.”

    Along with the check comment field, the lines of the week. One of your better recaps. Good job!

    Reply

  19. Posted by just saying on April 14, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    I love your little weirdnesses like:
    “I can say “the” vs “a” because there has been only one.

    Also, you’re the only online commenter who dared mention Libby’s crow’s feet (“The only complaint against her is that she looks like she has some miles (not the cool guy on the island) on her.”) Funny miles joke BTW. I noticed it, too, but it was sweet. I’d rather that any day over the smooth-faced freakishness we see on TV all the time! Keep your face, actress-who-plays-Libby!

    Reply

    • Posted by traci on April 24, 2010 at 4:59 am

      Yeah, I had noticed way back in “The Substitute” that Helen was putting some ‘miles’ on too! Love that about Lost! They are not always looking for the ‘ultimate’ beauty…they let us know it’s okay to be normal.

      Reply

  20. Posted by Patrick on April 14, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    Thought that was the dude from X-men. Awesome blog.

    Reply

  21. I watched the Seinfeld series loyally, and I thought the final episode was the lamest episode they ever made. It’s ONLY saving grace was the final moments when they talked about the button on the shirt (referencing the pilot). The rest of the episode was trash.

    Reply

    • Posted by DS on April 15, 2010 at 12:16 pm

      Yeah, like…AS IF they’d ever convict four people for not stopping a robbery! Seriously?? And then…put all four of ’em (including a WOMAN) into the same jail cell together! Completely ludicrous.

      (Come to think of it, just like some of the stuff on Lost.)

      Reply

  22. Posted by Failerella on April 14, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    Illyana should definitely get a montage, like Toga. And there should just be more drawings in general, because they (and you) are awesome. Thanks!

    Reply

  23. Posted by Alex Trebek on April 14, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    I understand Libby because it was written on the grave, but how did you not get Dr Brooks wrong?

    Reply

  24. Posted by deb on April 14, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    I laughed pretty hard at you laughing pretty hard at Dez running over wheelchair Locke.

    My family is sick of me forcing them to listen to me reading your blog aloud. Too bad 🙂

    Reply

    • Posted by Swan815 on April 14, 2010 at 11:06 pm

      It’s our new tradition too, I read it out loud every week! The family howling with laughter makes it that much better! 🙂

      Reply

  25. Posted by Mike on April 14, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    “We kick things off at a black tie affair with some old guy (who probably is critical to the plot of Lost) giving a speech.”

    LOL. Yep. Good guess.

    Reply

  26. I’m a little concerned about the “H. Reyes” on the check. The name Reyes might’ve been mentioned in passing in this episode (first scene?), but otherwise, I can’t imagine where a never-seen-Lost-before guy like papadurbin would pick it up.

    Irregardless, I find the courtship of Cynthia Watros to be quite amusing. Of course any millionaire who looks like Hurley would be quite familiar with prostitution and the ins-and-outs of “donations.” In the Lost universe, I wonder how Dr. Brooks feels morally about the whole situation. How did he react when Libby leaves for the day to “go on a date” with Hurley? Who knows.

    Reply

  27. He probably picked it up from “the old guy” who introduced Hurley by his full name when he was awarding him the plastic dinosaur.

    Reply

  28. Posted by Justin Stephen Xavier Smith on April 14, 2010 at 11:15 pm

    Those “woosh woosh woosh”es were hilarious.

    Also, when this season is over, I think you should “Memento” the whole series and just start watching each episode backward. They’ll all be online until December 31st, so it shouldn’t be hard.

    Keep up the good work!

    Reply

    • Posted by mandy on April 15, 2010 at 7:33 am

      awesome shout to memento!! =)

      LOVED the “whoosh, whoosh, whoosh” i was LMAO at that!

      also, loved the seinfeld references…that was my favorite show until lost!!

      Reply

  29. Posted by missjoke on April 14, 2010 at 11:49 pm

    “They lean in to have a face measuring contest and accidentally touch lips” I don’t know why that one made me laugh so much.

    Also “Images of Deliverance pop in my head. Not because of Lost. It just happens from time to time.” was pretty damn funny.

    Reply

  30. hahaahahahha!

    Reply

  31. Posted by Oz on April 15, 2010 at 1:13 am

    Love it. Especially “Jack is with Hurley. Uh oh. Guess we know Hurley is wrong now.” Jack is an idiot. Also, how does the idiot’s hair stay so Clark Kent gelled like on the island anyway? “Richard thinks they should get more dynamite. Jack sez that maybe Illyana died to teach us to stay away from dynamite. They all agree that Richard is right because Jack is always wrong. They plan to go get more dynamite. Surprisingly, no one asks Jack why he’s been walking around with a backpack on for the last 2 hours.” So true… but more like walking around with the back back for however many years the islanders have been figuring out how to get back on and off the island hundreds of times.

    This blog is way better than lost.

    Reply

  32. Posted by Kal on April 15, 2010 at 2:41 am

    <3!!

    I was cracking up at every possible moment…even the wooshs had me going lol. And add me to the list of votes for more pictures!!! LOL luv the hair in ur grounded picture….just luv everything!!

    too much talent for one person….

    Reply

  33. Posted by TedLapidus on April 15, 2010 at 5:18 am

    one of your better reviews. keep it up.

    Reply

  34. Posted by drmacabre on April 15, 2010 at 5:41 am

    “woosh woosh” missing between the pic nic scene on the beach and Sad day monster at the well. 😉

    Reply

  35. Posted by JumpJet on April 15, 2010 at 6:23 am

    Lost and this blog post are the two things I anticipate most each week. I love this!!!

    Reply

  36. Posted by LostAli75 (rugbygrl) on April 15, 2010 at 8:07 am

    woosh woosh woosh – HILARITY

    Reply

  37. I would really love it if, after this, you went back and watched Seasons 1-5 and recapped for us. I would continue reading. I’m saying this because – I started watching LOST at Season 5. I had NO IDEA what was going on, but I was able to somewhat follow. Going back and watching Seasons 1-4 was sort of hilarious because I was making all the discoveries backwards. “Oh! So THAT’S what that means!”

    Reply

  38. Posted by GirlsGirlsGirls on April 15, 2010 at 9:12 am

    “Hurley is a funny nice dude with TONS of money who does a lot of philanthropic work. I guarantee there is a woman out there who would aggressively pursue him. The actor who plays Hurley probably gets this effect just because he portrays Hurley.”

    That’s what I thought through that whole sequence. Yeah, sadsack island Hurley might not be rolling in ladies, but lucky rich award-winning Hurley sure as hell would be.

    Reply

  39. Posted by SeanS on April 15, 2010 at 9:22 am

    I love that you point out the Seinfield series finale reference, and then this episode comes through with it’s own Seinfield reference: when Mama Hurley asks about “The Human Fund” which happened to be George’s fake charity during Festivus.

    Reply

    • Posted by Brendan on April 15, 2010 at 10:13 am

      how bout the fact that senator kelly (doctor brooks) is ALSO from seinfeld.. he played the head guy for george’s dead fiancee susan’s foundation when george worked on the board with him

      Reply

  40. “We kick things off at a black tie affair with some old guy (who probably is critical to the plot of Lost) giving a speech.”

    This is either the greatest line in the history of this blog or proof that the guy writing these actually has seen Lost before 😛

    Reply

    • Posted by Mark on April 16, 2010 at 12:29 pm

      Well, it certainly isn’t proof that he’s seen Lost before. He’s not a dumb-ass. I mean, there is no reason why he can’t make incidental comments that just happen to ring true.

      Reply

  41. “Chip Guy must have thought “son of a b” when Hurley sat down.”

    LOL! There’s an entire scene set in the back-of-house of that restaurant that we will, alas, never see.

    Reply

  42. Posted by DS on April 15, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    I also thought there was something wrong with eating a bunch of cheese on a beach. But I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Thanks for putting this into words.

    Reply

  43. Posted by Tim on April 15, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    Awesome blog, been reading since the beginning

    Reply

  44. Love it!! 🙂

    Reply

  45. […] Episode 12 of the Final Season of LOST SPOILER ALERT!!!!!! This is a blog about another episode of LOST where nothing happens for 45 minutes then we get […] […]

    Reply

  46. Posted by bellamie on April 15, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    I liked that right out of the gate —-“I’ll keep an eye out for Jack and Kate to make a clay pot.”
    and you kept it up through a great 12th episode blog!
    You are amazing— Dez is my hero!!!!

    Reply

  47. Posted by u2bale on April 16, 2010 at 12:23 am

    Fantastic! Now throughout the Lost episode, I keep wondering about the things and references you will make in your blog, (that which I read diligently and enjoy immensely)!
    Thanks for adding YET another dimension to my Lost watching! I love how I had to keep track of the story, philosophy, physics and religion while watching Lost and now there is the anticipation of comedic genius too, thanks to you!
    Great job, I love your blog!

    Reply

  48. You’re forgetting your own recaps- Des would never eat at Clucks, he was there because Hurley was on the manifest- he probably handed the bag to a homeless guy outside…

    Reply

  49. Posted by Rob on April 16, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    Sad-day Monster

    Reply

  50. Posted by AB de Villiers's fan on April 17, 2010 at 9:34 am

    Seriously, this was a pathetic attempt at humor. The “jokes” are so freakin’ obvious and can be seen coming from a mile away. For example this one

    “Hurley in front of some land with a sign that says “experimental farming.” The experiment is probably to see if he can grow McNuggets.”

    oh you referenced McNuggets because he’s fat! What an incredibly original and clever line. Certainly no 3rd grader has ever made that joke.

    or this one
    “Sad Day Monster sees a kid. The kid smiles at him. Sad Day Monster tells Desmond to ignore him and seems incredibly frustrated. Is Sad Day Monster a pedophile?”

    Oh, an old man and adolscent boy in the same scene- cue the pedophile joke… ha ha ha? Seriously? That’s just lazy mate.

    You are trying way too hard to funny and therefore it’s not funny any more. The first couple of reviews were funny because they were trying to go with the flow, the recent ones try too hard to be funny and fail miserably at it and often it makes me cringe how bad and obvious some of the jokes are. Try making atleast somewhat original jokes rather than making obvious jokes that 3rd graders could come up with.

    Reply

  51. You’re pretty insightful for someone who hasn’t seen Lost before. This is grand btw, it’s a nice sacrifice you are making for us all, by being blatant and not jaded by 5 years of viewing. I love it and don’t despair.

    The black tie dude, as you guessed, has been mentioned before – it’s up to you to decide how pivotal he is when you see it yourself, but kudos for spotting that.

    It’s quite well known that the actor who plays Hurley is in a good relationship at the moment, in fact his girlfriend is as much a part of the Lost fandom as he is. So I was cringing a lot during the love scenes this week thinking about poor Beth 😦

    “It just happens from time to time”.

    I’m sure you don’t read these comments just now, but if you go back and read them in the future – THANK YOU so much for this. lostSDS@gmail.com if you wanna chat more lost or get featured on my website in the future 🙂

    Reply

  52. Have a Cluckity Cluck cluck day.

    Reply

  53. Posted by EddieW on April 18, 2010 at 8:10 am

    The Seinfeld series finale sucked for the same reason this last season of Lost is leaving many underwhelmed. The writers are trying too hard to work in all the old favorite characters and locations instead of focusing on making the story as interesting as possible. The writing has gone downhill sharply as a result.

    I enjoy this blog. It’s funny and you’re a natural. I hope when Lost ends you find some other show to blog about. Maybe the nbc comedies? That seems like it would fit your style.

    Reply

  54. Posted by MinionMusing on April 18, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    The drawings kill me! What a doofus 🙂 (I mean that in a kind way – they crack me up!!)

    Reply

  55. Posted by JKinNZ on April 18, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    This is a cool blog! Funny, ’cause this person has never seen Lost. By the way, it’s not Illyana, it’s just Ilana.

    Reply

  56. Posted by Beema on April 19, 2010 at 11:00 am

    Thankgod for your recaps. Reading this was the only thing enjoyable to come out of this abysmal episode.

    “He’s here to stop Hurley from getting everyone killed. He’s gonna shut down his fast food franchise?”
    ahahahaha

    “A plane crash. A flimsy plot with inane twists. A naive view of love.”
    hehe no kidding
    Hurley and Libby hang out for a total of 20 minutes on the Island and suddenly they are soulmates.

    “I think you could watch the last 15 minutes of each episode for the entire season and not miss anything important.”

    yes, yes you could.

    ps: sad day monster t-shirts!

    Reply

  57. Posted by Ashley on April 19, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    Okay, so I found this via a Lost fansite, and oh my god. It’s hilarious. I love it, and I swear your descriptions are almost better than the actual episodes themselves.

    (Miles is my favorite too by the way.)

    Reply

  58. Posted by Purpleprincess on April 20, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    I do have to admit that Hurley is my favorite. That having been said, I love reading your blog every week. My co-workers are obsessed with LOST and they don’t think it’s as funny as I do. I think some people take this show a little too seriously…

    Reply

    • Posted by traci on April 24, 2010 at 5:32 am

      I’m totally obsessed with Lost and I think it’s pretty funny. Guess that just shows how different, people are!

      Reply

  59. Posted by RengeCorrea on April 21, 2010 at 2:38 am

    Your recaps & Woosh Woosh Woosh are fierce!!

    Please do more drawings!!

    Can’t wait for your finale recap!!

    Reply

  60. man, you are astonishing.

    I’ve watched this since the start (a chore now – soon it will stop) and your scalpel through the lot is just wonderful. I really have laughed outloud.

    That said, I’m glad I’m not your actual friend in actual life.

    peter

    Reply

  61. Posted by thebarber on April 21, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Where’s this weeks??

    Reply

  62. Posted by traci on April 24, 2010 at 5:40 am

    So, now you’ve met Mama Reyes, beloved by all us Losties! (This ep didn’t do her justice by a mile(s)!) Just wait until you meet Papa Reyes! Hoo boy!

    Reply

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