Episode 5* of the Final Season of LOST

SPOILER ALERT!!!!  This blog posts contains everything you ever thought you knew to be true about LOST.  Actually, that’s a lie.  This will get you nowhere close to understanding what is happening in LOST.  In fact, it is likely to bring you further away from understanding if the episode itself didn’t already.

The words are on the lawn. More a temple than a shrine, really.

Some housekeeping.  You’ll notice this is labeled Episode 5 instead of Episode 4.  A friend of mine informed that I have been mislabeling episodes. Apparently what I thought was a 2 hour super-episode was actually two different ones.  Seems odd to me since my cable guide had it as one block with one title.  I’m reluctantly relabeling from now on for accuracy and so we all know how close we are to the end (dry those eyes).  I am leaving the old entries as-is so we always have this living shrine to my incompetence.

After last week and figuring I had this totally solved, it turns out I was wrong.  Last week’s episode had nothing to do with the series.  We’re back this week to apparently what is the real story on the island, Jack and Hurley’s budding friendship.

Overall What is Happening

The island is upping its game by having not one, but TWO plot lines.  Which is really throwing me off because now I have to do three different story recaps.  By the finale we’re going to have so many unrelated stories we’re gonna feel like we’re watching Kentucky Fried Movie.

Last week we learned the secret of LOST.  Jacob is holding auditions to be the caretaker of a tropical island.  Strangely, no one seems interested.  Not much more this week outside of the fact that there is a crazy woman in the woods who is baby obsessed.  She and the Sad Day Monster have bonded over this shared trait.

At the same time, Hurley and Jack go on a super adventure across the island to get to a lighthouse. That’s it. No, really.  That’s all that happened.

Back in Snoozeville, we get another Jack episode.  We learn that he is as bad a parent as he is a doctor.

More Detailed Episode Recap

Things start off on land and who is this episode about? Drumroooooll… Jack! Wait.  Again?  Based on my new episode numbering system that will make 3 episodes about him and we’re not even to the halfway point.  Alright. Whatever.  We’ll roll with it.

Jack gets home and is wearing a scrub shirt with jeans (pretty unprofessional) and notices that he has a scar.  Since he is not an accredited doctor he doesn’t know how it got there.  His mom knows (they always do) and tells him it was an appendix surgery when he was seven.  We also learn that Jack has a pretty crappy exercise bike in his house.  Get a Bowflex, boss.

Jack goes to pick up his son David at his prep school.  This kid must hang out with Sawyer cuz he’s a total rebel.  We soon learn that David hates his dad, hates baseball, but is totally into Alice in Wonderland.  Which is the epitome of teenage rebellion.  Jack says he is going over to his mom’s house, David is all like “whatevs, I’m staying here.” Jack lets him.  Jack is apparently in a competition with himself to see which he can be worse at, parenting or doctoring.  Vegas has the line at -140 for parenting.  Those are good odds.

Over at Jack’s mom’s house, we find out that David is probably afraid of Jack.  Jack can’t understand why.  I can.  He’s terrible at everything.  Mrs. Shephard finds Mr. Shephard’s will.  There’s a mention of Claire Littleton.  I guess if you’re gonna have an affair, might as well put it in your will.  Of course, it being an affair is an assumption because rather than trying to solve this mystery we just go back to the island.

Jack leaves the awkward situation and comes home with pizza and soda for David.  Teenagers love pizza.  +1 for Jack.  Hopefully you didn’t place your bet.  Jack then finds out David isn’t there.  Apparently when you leave a teenager unsupervised, they act out or runaway.  Oops.

Upon finding out his teenage son is missing, Jack spends the next five hours getting drunk in his den and looking out the window over the city.  Maybe he thought he would see David down there, I dunno.  After a while he decides to give David a ring.  No answer.  Bummer.  Well, guess you should probably just leave a voicemail saying you’ll check his mom’s house. Jack is a terrible problem solver.  This is the same guy who proposed getting off an island by detonating a bomb, so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised.

Jack gets to David’s mom’s house and breaks in using a key under a bunny.  Much to his surprise David wasn’t in there.  Maybe we should have checked here sooner because we’ve lost a lot of valuable time to organize a search party.  After violating his son’s privacy by listening to his voicemail, Jack learns that his son has a conservatory audition.  Then Jack listens to a voicemail he left for David and gets uncomfortable because everyone thinks they sound weird when they listen to a recording of themselves.

Ew. Creepy.

Jack gets to the conservatory just in time to hear David’s audition.  This dude can jam.  Some creepy kid in a sweater vest tells Jack that his kid is really good.  Jack’s response should have been “Stay away from my kid, weirdo”, but I think he just said “Thanks.”  Turns out Creepy Kid is Toga’s son (Toga = Pretentious Asian).  It turns out Toga is a really cool dude.  He talks with Jack about parenting stuff and how much pressure kids are under.  Jack stares blankly since he is a deadbeat.  Toga asks how long David has been tickling the ivories.  Jack says he doesn’t know.  Toga looks angry.  In fact, I am pretty sure this is the point where Toga stopped speaking English and started hating white people.

While David is stealing another kid’s bike Jack comes out to have a heart to heart.  Jack admits he was terrified that David disappeared.  So terrified, in fact, that he sat around and got tanked for a while just to calm his nerves.  David admits he didn’t want Jack to see him fail.  Jack admits he never wanted his dad to see him fail.  Hopefully his dad hasn’t seen him try to practice medicine or find a runaway kid.  After reconnecting over their inability to succeed, Jack says they have some pizza waiting at home.  It’s been sitting on the kitchen counter with a six-pack of soda on top all day, but I’m sure it’s still good.

Back on the island, Claire helps Jin out of the bear trap.  Apparently Claire has been out there for three years.  K.  Jin, channeling Jack’s medical expertise, tries to walk on a severely wounded leg and passes out.  No surprise there.

Jin wakes up and looks around.  He finds some medical scissors, a paddle, and a baby made out of some skulls.  Claire comes back with the black dude she shot.  I guess he got drowned in the hot tub the same way Said did and came back to life.  Claire tells Jin that he could get an infection and that it will spread (take notes, Jack).

While away to get supplies, the Black Dude asks Jin to untie him.  Jin “Why would I do that?” Black Dude “Because she is gonna kill me.”  Jin “Not a good enough reason.”  Then Black Dude says he is gonna snap Claire’s neck.  He definitely just talked himself out of a sale.  Claire does a great job dressing Jin’s wound and says she is looking for her baby that these guys took.  I’m pretty sure a dingo has it but Claire says she is sure they have it because her father and her friend told her so.  Claire gets an ax to get some answers.  At this point, you should just lie.

As Claire is winding up to give the ol’ chop chop, Jin says that Kate has Aaron (her kid) and he is three.  Claire is obviously very emotional about all of this.  Before I could finish typing “Black Dude needs to be quiet, you should never try to reason with an emotional woman” Claire dug that ax right into his spleen.  That has to hurt like a bastard.  That seemed like an unusually cruel way to kill him.  He’s basically sitting there with a ruptured spleen waiting to bleed to death.  Not cool, Claire. Not cool.

A little while later (I assume about three hours since Black Dude is finally dead) Jin admits he lied because he wanted to save the Black Dude’s life. FAIL.  He says that they have Aaron at the temple and he will take her there.  Sad Day Monster shows up without Sawyer. If you remember, Sawyer left the island last week.  I guess Sad Day Monster had second thoughts.  He and Claire are friends.  Everyone wants to be Claire’s friend.  She’s totes popular.

Jumping over to the third unrelated plot in this episode, it’s a rainy day in paradise. This must be why everyone wants to leave.  While playing a little tic-tac-toe (they need to play bags), Hurley says he is hungry.  C’mon.  Stop it, LOST writers.  Fine.  If we’re all gonna make fun of his weight, then let’s do this thing.  Hurley goes inside and asks someone if there’s a kitchen.  Turns out it was Ghost Jacob.  Even ghosts like a good tubbin’ from time to time.  Jacob says that he needs Hurley’s help and needs him to write some stuff down.  He’s probably trying to keep track of all the plots in this episode.

Outside the temple, Said is uncomfortable because people are staring at him.  They talk about the poison and someone else was infected.  That’s pretty much it.  It’s not Said’s turn to hang out with Jack this week, so that is pretty much the end of that interaction.

Back to Hurley, he is walking down a hallway by himself looking for stuff.  Toga totally busts him and tells him to go back to the courtyard.  Hurley debates him 10-year-old style (YOU go back to the courtyard) and wins when Toga is disqualified for not speaking English.  Nice win, Hurley.  Jacob had Hurley’s back this whole time and tells Hurley he is a candidate.  Probably for a wing eating contest.

Jacob asks Hurley where Jack is and says that Hurley has to bring Jack with him.  Ouch. This is like when you invite the ugly girl to the party because you think she’ll bring her hot friend, and then she doesn’t, and you’re mad at her so you confront her about it, then the ugly girl calls the friend.  Poor Hurley.  Hurley then goes into the courtyard to do the equivalent of calling the hot friend (the ugly always complies) and convinces Jack to go with him by saying “You have what it takes.”  To do what, I am not sure, but I can already cross two things off the list.

While on their adventure, Jack and Hurley come across Kate.  We’re putting the check in the box that she appears in this episode.  Jack invites her with them but Hurley points out that Jacob specifically requested no chicks (which is the point I stop following Hurley).  Besides, it’s Hurley’s turn to hang out with Jack.  She’ll have to go sit on the sideline with Said.  Instead she says she is going to go find Claire.  Not sure she wants to, but it’s her choice.

After this little interaction, Hurley apologizes for blowing up Jack’s game.  He also says Jack would be a good father.  He’s obviously not watching the other half of this episode.

They find an inhaler and it belongs to Shannon.  No clue who Shannon is but since the music changed, she must be important.  They’re outside the caves that they used to live in.  Ya know, before the real estate boom left all those condos that Sawyer was getting drunk in.  In the cave are some rotting corpses.  They say they forgot they were there.  I don’t know how.  Those seem like the kind of thing you would always see when you close your eyes.  Hurley proposes that maybe the carcasses are them.  That they traveled through time years ago and died and now this is their remains… C’mon Hurley, that’s ridiculous. Now get back to following the instructions that a ghost gave you at a temple with a life-restoring hot tub on a deserted island that has a murderous rain cloud where 50 people all ended up after surviving several plane crashes over the pacific ocean.

Back on the trail, Hurley asks Jack why he came back to the island.  Huh?  Jack wants to know why he did.  Hurley says because Jacob told him to.  Jack says he was broken and thought the island could fix him.  The correct answer is that you got back to land, realized you had to work, pay taxes, deal with pollution, deal with people telling you about pollution, and had to spend a fortune to spend a week on an island almost identical to the one you were on.  I’m completely clueless on how they got off, back on, and why they want to get back off again, but whatever.

I dunno. Lighthouse seems pretty obvious to me.

FINALLY, they get to the lighthouse.  This sucker is 100ft tall and they say they never noticed it before.  How?  You’ve been on this island for three years (someone said earlier) with nothing else to do but walk around and this HUGE lighthouse is on one of the coasts.  Little tip for people stuck on an island.  Walk along the beach (perimeter) because civilization is most likely to be there as opposed to the interior.  In your face, Bear Grylls.  So yeah, they should have found this a long time ago. Also, I have no idea if my survival tip is right.

Hurley can’t open the door so Jack goes all man on it and kicks it in.  Jack is a true gentleman and let’s anyone with breasts enter rooms before he does.  Hurley goes in the lighthouse. Jack follows.

They finally get to the top where apparently a dry shirt was awaiting Hurley.  Or it is so sweat stained that is all now one color.  There’s a contraption with mirrors and everyone’s name.  When it is set to Jack he can see his childhood house and three extra Jacks.  Everyone wins.  Jack freaks out Claire style and smashes up the mirror.  Which is really selfish because now we won’t be able to see the Friendly’s where Hurley spent his childhood.  Turns out all this was to get Jack to the lighthouse and everyone at the temple is doomed because someone is coming.

I think at this point it is pretty clear that Jacob wants Sawyer or Jack to take over the island.  This is like watching The Bachelorette and you know that she’s picked out the people she wants in the finals, but there’s still 10 people left so she has to go through the motions and still go on dates and pretend to like them. Hurley and Jack are on a double date right now.  Jack’s in the hot tub with the Bachelorette while Hurley pours himself more wine while he looks at the patio furniture.

Thoughts I Have

  • A lot went on this episode.  I kept having to pause the show to jot stuff down. I hope this goes back to snail’s pace.
  • Claire = Pregger.  Cool.  Got it.
  • I don’t see the need to keep including other people in the Snoozeville portion of the show.  I really feel like watching John and Kate’s story was a complete waste now.
  • Sawyer’s gone I guess.  I figured since last week ended with him saying “I’m out” and he wasn’t with Sad Day Monster, he hit the bricks.  Jacob is gonna be heartbroken.

Ghost Jacob needs some break up music to get over Sawyer leaving.


144 responses to this post.

  1. Some clarification on the Episode labelling – Yes, LA X (Episode 6.01 and 6.02) was one two hour episode, but the episodes are numbered by hour. The same thing will happen for the finale, 6.17/6.18 will be one two hour episode, played together but might be broken up on the DVD. To me, I would say this is episode 4 as well, but that doesn’t go with the official numbering. So, I think the best way to label your posts would be with the episode title? That way no one could get confused. It’s pretty easy now, but in a few weeks someone might want to read a particular posts and have to count back to figure out what number it was.

    Reply

    • Posted by Amy on February 24, 2010 at 7:07 pm

      Actually, to make it even more confusing, Ep 6.16, 6.17 and 6.18 will all have the same name! Ep 16 one week, then 17 and 18 back to back the next week.

      Reply

      • hmm…that’s why we use “Parts 1 & 2” on the title of the episodes, right? The first two eps would be “LA X pt.1” and “LA X pt. 2”. The Pilot, for instance, as a 3-part episode.(At least that’s how it is on the DVDs)

        Reply

  2. Really funny article, surprisingly engaging.

    So you know, so far the flashes to Snoozeville exactly parallel the characters’ flashbacks in season 1. First Kate, then Locke, then Jacke. And the specific content of the flashbacks mirror what happens in Snoozeville too — e.g. season 1 episode 5 was about Jack struggling to live up to his dad’s expectations, and just how deep is own daddy issues go. season 6 episode 5 was about Jack’s son (who doesn’t exist outside of Snoozeville) feeling -exactly- the way ‘real’ Jack felt about his Dad.

    jeeeesus that became hard to word towards the end. hope you got something out of it.

    Reply

    • Posted by tkdc on February 24, 2010 at 10:36 pm

      You’re not supposed to help him! You’ll ruin the fun. Let be, man!

      Reply

      • Posted by Maureen on February 26, 2010 at 2:55 pm

        Great recaps BUT PLEASE TAKE IT EASY ON THE FAT JOKES!

        Yes, Hurley is large but so is the actor who plays him so every fat joke made at Hurley’s expense is also made at Jorge’s. That is just not cool. He is the Lost actor who most interacts with the show’s fans. He writes a personal blog plus a Lost podcast. Worse, I can just see someone leaving a link to this blog on Jorge’s blog and him coming here to read it. Fat jokes are cheap laughs; you don’t need them.

        Reply

        • Posted by Alice on February 26, 2010 at 4:25 pm

          WORD.

          Reply

        • Posted by Holladon on February 26, 2010 at 5:48 pm

          But I imagine Jorge probably has a pretty good sense of humor about it. There are plenty of hefty actors out there who, if anything, recognize that their abundance of them-ness actually has some serious financial cache. See John Candy, Chris Farley, Will Sasso. What’s cruel is focusing on a relatively non-obvious flaw… but pointing that someone who is quite obviously fat, is fat, isn’t an insult. Yeah, he’s poking fun at him, but my guess is that, given that Jorge’s been a big guy for a long time now, he’s learn to just roll with the punches. He seems like he’s probably cool enough that he really doesn’t give a shit if some random dude with a blog is flippant about his size.

          Reply

          • Posted by Dave on March 3, 2010 at 7:26 pm

            Saying it’s Jorge’s fault if he doesn’t enjoy jokes made at the expense of his appearance doesn’t cut it. Neither does saying that it’s okay to insult him since he makes a living off of his appearance. Neither does saying he should be okay with insults about his appearance because he’s looked like that for a long time.

            Jack brings home a large pizza and that’s normal. Hugo looks for food and that’s a sign that his appearance is being ridiculed by the writers and is now fair game for insults? No.

            Nobody else in this show is being an object of ridicule on this blog because of the way they look. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. It’s also not funny or acceptable.

            And, by the way, I see ugly and funny-looking skinny people every damn day of my life.

        • Posted by April in Autumn on March 1, 2010 at 5:44 pm

          I think he was commenting on the fact that the Lost writers seem to make a lot of fat jokes.

          “Hurley says he is hungry. C’mon. Stop it, LOST writers. Fine. If we’re all gonna make fun of his weight, then let’s do this thing. “

          Reply

          • Yeh, I think Jorge is fairly cool to a point. It’s not like the author is being malicious – he’s bemoaning the writer’s using fat jokes, but then using one or two himself.

    • Wow, what a bummer dude – these are the things he DOESN’T want to know. 😦

      Reply

  3. Posted by deb on February 24, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    I’ve been waiting all day for your take on last night’s episode. Some laugh out loud moments here. I’ll be following (stalking?) you from now on…or at least until we reach THE END. Great stuff.

    Reply

  4. Posted by Gamp on February 24, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    I’m so glad I wasn’t actually drinking anything while I read this because I would’ve had … not one … not two … but THREE spit takes. Funny stuff.

    Reply

  5. Posted by Dphins on February 24, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    So damn funny! I just busted out laughing for ten minutes straight!

    Reply

  6. Posted by ESQuire on February 24, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    Another good one. Keep it up.

    Kinda curious why you used the word ‘Friendly’s’ in the following: “…smashes up the mirror. Which is really selfish because now we won’t be able to see the Friendly’s where Hurley spent his childhood.” Did you see it on the compass rose with all the names in the lighthouse?

    Reply

    • Posted by dino_electropolis on February 24, 2010 at 4:38 pm

      Friendly’s is a restaurant chain, which makes that line hysterical!

      Reply

    • Posted by Jen on February 24, 2010 at 4:42 pm

      Assume by “Friendly’s” he means the restaurant.
      I think it’s owned by Hershey’s, very awesome ice cream and diner type place. Big in the New England/ East Coast area.
      Think of a place that serves enormous ice cream sundae’s, and you’ll get the joke.

      Reply

    • Posted by Jen on February 24, 2010 at 4:48 pm

      Friendlys…reference to BFG, or Big Friendly Giant. Another size joke (or that was the assumption I made). The dial was never really shown clearly enough to discern much info from it.

      Reply

      • Posted by Jen on February 24, 2010 at 4:49 pm

        Ah, or not. Ice cream place makes more sense (though I’m not from that region, haven’t heard of them).

        Reply

        • Man, I thought he was referring to Mr. Friendly… you know, the nice gay fella from Season 2 & 3? I almost bought into the theory that Papa Durbin was in on the joke, but now knowing it’s a restaurant chain, I’m back to square one on a path that’s fixed and can’t change.

          Reply

    • Posted by Alex Trebek on February 24, 2010 at 6:43 pm

      Funny how so many assume it was a fat joke. Yes, “Friendly” is a name on the wheel. Seen number 109 below.

      Tom Friendly was the Other with the fake beard who kidnapped Walt and appeared frequently in season three.

      Reply

      • Posted by Smush on February 24, 2010 at 10:24 pm

        lol yeah, the name is on the wheel, but the context in the write up is pretty clearly for giant sundaes covered in peanut butter sauce.

        Reply

      • Posted by relocated on February 25, 2010 at 6:49 pm

        Suck it Trebek!

        Sorry, with that out of the way, I’d just like to say a few things.
        1. Please don’t spoil the writer, though I think he has the sense to stay away from the comments section.
        2. Imagine Friendly’s like a Denny’s type of place, but it doesn’t serve breakfast 24/7. Friendly’s however makes up for the lack of grand slams with copious quantities of ice cream around the clock. Drizzled in caramel. And chocolate. And Nuts. And…

        *runs away*

        Reply

  7. I don’t care if you’ve seen every episode or not, this is all golden.

    Reply

  8. Posted by Beth on February 24, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    It is funny, but the jokes about Hurley’s weight are cheap shots. You can do better.

    Reply

  9. Posted by John on February 24, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    Frinedly’s is a restaurant

    Reply

  10. Posted by jimmy on February 24, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    haha, hurley is fat.

    Reply

  11. Posted by oogabooga on February 24, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    @ESQuire: Friendly’s is a restaurant chain. He was making a joke about Hurley being fat. Let’s not read too much into this, ‘k?

    Reply

    • Posted by Alex Trebek on February 24, 2010 at 2:51 pm

      It may be a restaurant chain, but it is on the compass.

      See number 106. It likely refers to Tom Friendly, M C Gainey’s Other character from past seasons.

      Reply

      • Posted by Alex Trebek on February 24, 2010 at 2:52 pm

        Sorry, number 109.

        Reply

      • Posted by Joanne on February 24, 2010 at 5:24 pm

        There actually was a character named Mr. Friendly, who, apparently, was a candidate, and is now crossed out.

        Reply

      • Posted by Maureen on February 26, 2010 at 2:22 pm

        Alex: Yes, I think all us obsessives have seen Friendly’s name by now and remember who he was (just like we recognize a lot of those names) but this person is not going to look at all the names on the Lighthouse mirror like we are. Even if he did, how is he going to know who they are? And even if he did know who Friendly was, why would he (or we) ever associate him with Hurley? A small scene shared four years ago and none since? Sometimes a Friendly is just a restaurant.

        Reply

        • Posted by Jason on February 26, 2010 at 9:39 pm

          way to over think it. Friendly’s is a restaurant that has a ton of ice cream, which is what he was referring to. not some Mr. Friendly from season 3. the writer hasn’t even seen season 1-5 anyway.

          Reply

          • Posted by Alex Trebek on March 4, 2010 at 8:32 am

            Yeah, but he saw the episode. Having never heard of the restaurant, I assumed he saw the name Friendly and was joking about seeing what the mirror showed for that name.

      • Posted by Rolf on February 27, 2010 at 5:48 pm

        Wow, Tony Almeide was a candidate! Awesome, LOL

        Reply

  12. Posted by InquiringMind on February 24, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    @ESQuire

    Friendly’s is an ice cream chain.

    Reply

  13. Posted by GUY on February 24, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    hey Beth…Papa Durbin consistently points out how the LOST writers are putting in these fat jokes…he’s just adding some good humor to it…I mean come on Hurley was hungry last night and was looking for a kitchen ahahahahaha….Papa Durbin didn’t write that. Displace your anger back to LOST writers if you don’t like the fat jokes. hahahahah

    I’d suggest yall just read and enjoy…skip the critiquing of the blog. It’s just BS fun. Lots O fun.

    Reply

  14. Posted by eman on February 24, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    I hope the writes put more Sad Day Monster (murderous rain cloud, bahahaha) in the upcoming episodes. i never understood the guy until i read this blog…

    Reply

  15. Posted by eman on February 24, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    writers…

    stoopid english, it takes bad in my mouth

    Reply

  16. “C’mon Hurley, that’s ridiculous” bit was hilarious. when i talk about the plot of this show to those that don’t watch, it must sound like i’ve taken crazy pills!!

    Reply

  17. Posted by Dretzle on February 24, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    The first three were funnier when I thought there was a chance you were being honest, but now sometimes you really seem to be stretching to make it sound like you don’t know anything or stretching to make a joke.

    Joke’s about Hurley’s weight, Kate’s token inclusion in the episode, Jack being bad doctor/dad, craziness about island, Sad Day Monster having a baby complex, etc are great you lost me with stuff like “While David is stealing another kid’s bike Jack comes out to have a heart to heart. ” I know you can’t be stupid enough to think David was stealing another kid’s bike and, knowing that, it just wasn’t funny.

    Oh, and it’s spelled Sayid and Dogen, not Said and Toga. I grant you the Toga, but Said isn’t pronounced anywhere close to Sayid.

    Reply

    • Posted by dino_electropolis on February 24, 2010 at 4:40 pm

      Dretzle,
      Ease up there buddy….its just a blog.

      Reply

    • Posted by Alex Trebek on February 24, 2010 at 5:22 pm

      You’re wrong. That’s actually the correct spelling of Said. Look up the actor who played Caesar last season.

      Also, the stealing the bikething was funny because we all know that’s not what he was doing. The author doesn’t expect you to believe thathe thinks that. He’s working on a lot of levels here, try to keep up.

      Reply

    • Posted by Holladon on February 26, 2010 at 5:53 pm

      …except that “Said” is pronounced EXACTLY the same way as “Sayid.”

      http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_pronounce_the_arabic_name_said

      Reply

    • Posted by elsie on February 28, 2010 at 9:23 am

      There’s no one correct way to spell this name, because it’s a transcription from Arabic which spells it with a different alphabet. I have known two guys by this name, and one spelled it “Said” and the other “Sayeed.” It’s the same name. Since the OP has never seen this character’s name spelled out on the show, “Said” is a legit guess, and definitely more on base than “Toga” (which I love anyway).

      Reply

    • It’s not stupidity, it’s sarcastic wit.

      Follow his train of thought. David is a rebel…. David is a brat…. David is a runaway…. David steals bikes.

      Re-read the post, it might make more sense second time? I personally found that line rather funny.

      Reply

  18. I love everything about your blogs. The fact that you refer to “Flocke” as the “Sad Day Monster”, the fact that you call Dogen “Toga” or just “Pretentious Asian.” I’m impressed by your writing style, and I hope you’ll eventually go back and do this for other seasons of Lost because your realistic take on it is so refreshing. Strangely, you point out the smaller details that I would miss in a first viewing because I’m looking too deeply!

    Reply

  19. Posted by izzy on February 24, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    this is amazing!! keep going, your blog makes me laugh out loud, for real.

    sad day monster=genius
    jacob needing break up music for sawyer’s absence=perfection

    Reply

  20. Posted by ursomniac on February 24, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    In case you hadn’t figured it out, The Claire in Jack’s dad’s will is the same Claire=pregnany chick=crazy chick with the axe.

    She’s also Jack’s half sister. I couldn’t figure out why Jack didn’t react when Dogon told him his sister was also infected until I realized that her Mom told Jack that three years ago at his dad’s funeral (the other funeral).

    LOVING your blog – telling all my LOST-fan friends about it!

    Reply

    • Posted by Lynn on February 27, 2010 at 11:15 am

      Don’t give away information!!!! Don’t you grasp the premise of this blog? Supposedly the writer is commenting on LOST without having info from the previous seasons. So stop making connections for him. Sheesh!

      Reply

    • JEEZ, seriously don’t ruin the thing. There’s subtle ways to point things out without blatantly saying it.

      Anyone who talks about “spoilers” on this blog deserves to have the finale ruined for them, imo.

      Reply

  21. Posted by April on February 24, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    Had to google Kentucky Fried Movie, but now I get it! This is kind of like that. Love your blog.

    Reply

  22. Posted by Sobaika on February 24, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    I LOVE your take on each episode. Please tell me you’ll work your way through the past five seasons… BACKWARDS!

    Reply

  23. Posted by Joanne on February 24, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    Look, this blog is good to read after you have updated Lostpedia and checked out your 15 favorite Lost recappers. This is not the place to get the ties back to previous episodes where we remember “someone was wearing red shoes and then noticed a red sneaker and what does that mean?!?” I specifcally chose red shoes because there aren’t any, anywhere, though they were in the Wizard of Oz, and Ben is always tied to Oz-type themes, and does he have red shoes in the sideways timeline…wait, I am losing myself here……

    This is just a way to make fun of ourselves (or actually I guess he is making fun of us). The more of a lost fanatic (with a sense of humor) you are, the funnier the jokes. If you are a casual fan, you need to go somewhere else for facts and theories and answers, such as they are.

    Reply

  24. Posted by Jojo on February 24, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    For another hilarious lost recap site (by an avid fan), check out The Ack Attack –

    http://www.theackattack.net/?p=1364

    And do not drink or eat while reading, it will just mess up your keyboard.

    Reply

  25. Posted by Jojo on February 24, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    http://www.theackattack.net/?p=1350

    this is the actual weekly, high – larious recap.

    Reply

  26. Posted by Lindsay on February 24, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    This one had me laughing out loud for a solid 2 minutes. Keep posting every week and try your hardest not to learn more about the show.

    Reply

  27. Posted by Murat on February 24, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    Seriously, can some people stop correcting mistakes in these posts? What would be the point of these write-ups if he knew everything already. The fact that he DOESN’T know stuff is what makes all of this so brilliant, so just let him be. 🙂

    Reply

  28. Posted by Steve on February 24, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    I said the same thing about the pizza when I was watching this.

    Reply

  29. Posted by Dominator on February 24, 2010 at 9:21 pm

    I know this is the only Season you have seen of the show, but seriously, some of those comments were so ignorant it was ridiculous. I thought your other reviews were funny, but this episode’s review was just terrible.

    Reply

  30. Posted by Matt on February 24, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    This is hilarious but I’m gonna go ahead and say it. This person has obviously seen the show before and is faking it. At the very least, he knows someone who loves it and is making him/her do this for kicks.

    Why would someone just make a blog about it out of nowhere..and also the constant misspellings, the paranoid asides about why they know info people might nail them on..

    It’s pretty obvious this isnt someone new to the show. Still funny though

    Reply

  31. Posted by Smush on February 24, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    “That they traveled through time years ago and died and now this is their remains… C’mon Hurley, that’s ridiculous. Now get back to following the instructions that a ghost gave you at a temple with a life-restoring hot tub on a deserted island that has a murderous rain cloud where 50 people all ended up after surviving several plane crashes over the pacific ocean.”

    Right? We don’t want this to go all absurd on us or anything.

    Reply

  32. Hmmm, your first three posts seemed a bit more genuine and candid; me thinks the attention is starting to skew your writing a wee bit. Still amusing, but less endearing.

    Reply

    • Posted by Kris10 on February 26, 2010 at 10:16 pm

      Now that he’s seen a few episodes, he has more familiarity with the show, so he’s not going to be 100% droll, just 80%.

      Reply

    • It doesn’t take long to figure out Jack and Kate are useless and Hurley hasn’t Lost much weight since being on the Island.

      Reply

  33. Posted by Jason on February 25, 2010 at 1:07 am

    Everyone please stop taking this so seriously. This is PURE COMEDY whether the author is pulling our legs about never seeing any past season episodes or not. Just enjoy the commentary for what it is – brilliant satirical comedy. My favorite line was about Hurley being a candidate for a wing eating contest. So funny. Keep up the great work!

    Reply

  34. Posted by Daikin on February 25, 2010 at 5:59 am

    Looool you are really understanding nothing of lost!!!

    Reply

  35. Posted by M-dawg on February 25, 2010 at 9:19 am

    This is hilarious!
    I’ve been watching LOST since the beginning and I have a few friends that are sitting on the eps. this season because everyone is going so crazy over it but they’ve never seen it before. Their comments sound like yours!
    Hilarious to see them in a blog. yay LOST!
    Do you write this as you watch the episode (pausing it)? Or just take notes and write it later?

    Reply

  36. Posted by Andi on February 25, 2010 at 9:53 am

    Did you notice that #119 is Almeida, as in Tony Almeida from 24?

    Reply

    • Posted by TaniaNicole on February 25, 2010 at 10:23 am

      hahaha, yes!!! I almost posted it at the LOST forum I go to, lol.

      If the actor who plays Almeida (forget his name) shows up on LOST, I will LMAO!

      papadurbin, you really have something here, with this blog, I LOL at every installment.

      No one else has thought of this. Maybe Damon and Carlton (the LOST producers) will recognize you for it, it’s truly unique. Keep it up!

      🙂

      T

      Reply

  37. You’re totally cracking my shizz up. Especially, with your mention of the Bachelorette. I do my own bashing of that mess here: http://fifty2things.wordpress.com/2010/02/23/the-bachelor-a-completely-voluntary-waste-of-time/

    Your recollection of events is actually helpful. Some of us Lost fans get so caught up on digging deeper, the plain as day things run right past me. Keep up the shoddy work;)

    Reply

  38. Two things that I love = laughter tears and LOST. Your blog gives me both. Kudos.

    Also, Hurley and Jack were actually OFF the island for 3 yrs. Tiny, somewhat consequential detail that really has no bearing on your blog.

    Reply

  39. Fantasticly Funny!!!!
    If there’s one thing that uniteds us all…its a good bit of Jack bashing

    [in reference to “You have what it takes”] “To do what, I am not sure, but I can already cross two things off the list.” LoL! 😀

    Reply

  40. Posted by Diva on February 25, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    Dude, I totally cracked up at LEAST four times reading this.

    Reply

  41. I’d suggest that you watch past episodes so you can understand what is going on in current ones. From your synopses it sounds like you just started watching LOST this season. I heard this was a good blog for knowing what’s going on on the show, but I was pretty disappointed at how uninformed your summary is.

    Reply

  42. […] Episode 5* of the Final Season of LOST SPOILER ALERT!!!!  This blog posts contains everything you ever thought you knew to be true about LOST.  Actually, […] […]

    Reply

  43. mehhh not your best work, jack can doctor me anytime

    Reply

  44. “Since he is not an accredited doctor…”

    Please….please let me share with you that I have sad this of Dr. Shephard for the past FIVE YEARS!
    I’m so glad someone else gets it.

    Also, any Lost recap that includes a reference to Kentucky Fried Movie is just spot-on brilliant. I applaud you.

    Reply

  45. Posted by oldfarmer on February 25, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    Almost wet my pants LMAO!

    Reply

  46. Posted by Jacob on February 25, 2010 at 11:08 pm

    If i was Hurley, right after Jack smashed the mirrors, I would have been all “HEY LOOK, my name is number 8! Thanks soooo much for smashing those before I got a chance to see MY childhood home you big baby!

    Reply

  47. I look forward to your reactions to each episode about as much as I watching said episode….

    Reply

  48. LAWL! This is some good material for the lolcows who have come to graze.

    I’ve been following Lost since season 1, so I can understand why one would be completely Lost (unintended pun) if they just started watching this season. It makes good fertilizer for growing lolgrass. Now the pressure is on to be even more humorous, since your doting crowd anxiously awaits your next entry.

    Reply

  49. Posted by eleblack on February 26, 2010 at 9:47 am

    “Since he is not an accredited doctor he doesn’t know how it got there. His mom knows (they always do) and tells him it was an appendix surgery when he was seven. ”

    It’s not that he didn’t know it was an appendix-surgery scar. He knew it was, in fact he asked his mum when he had been through an appendix surgery, cause he didn’t remember doing it.
    It’s not that he’s NOT A GOOD DOCTOR. I’m afraid you’re being too busy talking s**t about him and you don’t notice what’s important to the understanding of the hidden facts.

    Reply

    • Posted by Love Doctor on February 26, 2010 at 8:59 pm

      where do all these people lacking a sense of humor come from? did you get linked here from wetakeinternetsveryseriously.com? jackdefenders.com? point-missing.gov?

      to the author: great write up! very funny. 😀

      Reply

  50. Pure gold. I just found out about this blog and have spent the last hour or so catching up on all posts.

    Can I please apologize on behalf of the Serious Sally Nay-sayers in the comments above. Hopefully you find them amusing and not offensive. Your posts keep on getting better. Keep it up. Hilarious.

    “Then Jack listens to a voicemail he left for David and gets uncomfortable because everyone thinks they sound weird when they listen to a recording of themselves.”

    ^ My favorite this week considering the degree to which he emotionally broke down. HILARIOUS!

    Reply

  51. “Serious Sally Nay-sayers”

    Ha ha ha…LOL

    Reply

  52. This is seriously the funniest site ever. LOVE it. I might look forward to your review more than the show now.

    Reply

  53. Posted by suzie on February 26, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    “David admits he didn’t want Jack to see him fail. Jack admits he never wanted his dad to see him fail. Hopefully his dad hasn’t seen him try to practice medicine or find a runaway kid. After reconnecting over their inability to succeed, Jack says they have some pizza waiting at home.”

    Reply

  54. Oh my God, LOL.
    “It’s not Said’s turn to hang out with Jack this week, so that is pretty much the end of that interaction.”
    YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO DAMN MUCH.
    Lol, but I did wonder why the hell Jack gets so many Jack-centric episodes. This did anger me quite a bit. Not that Jack isn’t like totally awesome, or whatever.
    Keep up the damn amazingness 🙂 x

    Reply

  55. Posted by drtongue96 on February 26, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    As some others have mentioned, please watch the show in it’s entirety if you make it through to the end on this blog. Although I think what you’re doing is interesting and funny, it’s a disservice to yourself not to have experienced LOST from beginning to end, as it’s been a suprisingly smart, intense, character-driven drama (with all the other things thown-in: sci-fi, romance, horror, action). Truly one of the best programs made this or any other decade.

    And I think if you keep doing what you are doing, you’re going to figure out the end of the show with a clean mind. You may find the show confusing, but you don’t know the half of it! really!

    Reply

  56. Posted by cori on February 26, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    Shannon is from the first and second season, FYI. 🙂 She died after she and Sayid got it on. That’s not what she died of… she was shot I think… but anyways…

    Reply

    • Posted by Lynn on February 27, 2010 at 11:22 am

      Why is everyone trying to be “helpful”? Don’t you grasp the premise of this blog? Supposedly the writer is commenting on LOST without having info from the previous seasons. So stop making connections for him. Sheesh!

      Reply

    • Posted by Joanne on February 28, 2010 at 12:45 pm

      Having a relationship with Sayid is 100% fatal.

      Reply

  57. Posted by Hilarity on February 27, 2010 at 2:09 am

    Oh dear Lord! My roommates have been staring at me like I’ve lost it for the past hour as I was catching up with all your posts and just dying of laughter!!! Diehard lost fan here but JEEEEZ! this…this is a work of art! You’re incredibly hilarious and I hope it doesn’t fade at all! You even got Damon tweeting about you?? I’m fo’ sure tuning in every week to this one. Keep ’em coming!

    Reply

  58. Posted by studiorose on February 27, 2010 at 3:15 am

    More pictures, please.

    Reply

  59. Posted by baloney_man on February 27, 2010 at 7:50 am

    there was only one plane crash. they landed on a NON-DESERTED ISLAND at the beginning of the show. on the island there were already cabanas and pirates.

    then many of the plane crash people LEFT THE ISLAND. then they realized they had it better on the island AND RETURNED ON A SECOND AIRPLANE.

    Reply

    • Posted by Lynn on February 27, 2010 at 11:21 am

      Don’t give away information!!!! Don’t you grasp the premise of this blog? Supposedly the writer is commenting on LOST without having info from the previous seasons. So stop making connections for him. Sheesh!

      Reply

  60. Posted by Zach on February 27, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    The funny thing is, you’re so in-depth with your recap and unhindered by having seen the previous five that you’re picking up on stuff I really didn’t think about while I watched. For example, it totally went by me that Sawyer wasn’t with Flocke.

    Reply

  61. Posted by Rolf on February 27, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    Jesus all the idiots giving story information about the previous season should just be f*cking shot in the head. Grow a sense of humor and get of you high horse. Retards.

    Reply

  62. Posted by maninthesand on February 27, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    very funny!!!!
    nice callout to kfm. love that flick.
    keep it up!

    Reply

  63. I think this person’s faking it, but it’s humorous nonetheless. For example: how would you know Jack’s a bad doctor? There’s no evidence of that in Season Six.

    Reply

    • Posted by gibbs12 on February 28, 2010 at 6:04 pm

      QUIT FAKING THE DRAWINGS, AUTHOR

      Reply

    • Posted by Mallory on March 1, 2010 at 10:41 pm

      I was wondering what evidence he was basing Jack being a bad doctor off of. Then I thought it could just be a joke, but he kept emphasizing it so it makes me wonder if he has seen previous episodes.

      Meh, not a big deal, still funny.

      Reply

  64. Posted by Chuck on February 28, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    These posts are hilarious!! Keep up the good work, man. I’m beginning to look forward to your episode commentary almost as much as I look forward to each new episode of the show.

    Reply

  65. Posted by lostluvr on February 28, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    Get a bowflex, boss.

    hahahaha

    you are a damned genius. Keep up the good work.

    Reply

  66. Posted by c27cochran on March 1, 2010 at 9:20 am

    Dude….this is hilarious (in some parts). But this guy needs to quit hating on LOST….this is the best series that television has ever seen! Yes, we understand that you don’t understand what’s going on (which creates the humor), but no need to hate and call it “Snoozeville.”

    Also…try and put 2 and 2 together man…the “Claire” in Dr. (not Mr.) Shephard’s will is the “Claire” on the island and Jack’s half sister, not someone he had an affair with (gross). And, it would be nice if you could spell the character’s names correctly (Sayid, Dogen). For someone who is sooo critical about writing, you’re not so great at it yourself.

    Ok…done…off my soapbox. Continue writing…your naivety is laughable!

    Reply

    • Posted by crazygoose on March 5, 2010 at 2:01 pm

      He probably meant the affair part as in she’s the child of the affair.

      Or at least that’s how I interpreted it.

      Reply

    • Posted by Penngos on March 10, 2010 at 12:08 pm

      What’s that sound? DOOSH! Just another point whipping past your head and dropping in the ocean behind you…

      Reply

  67. Posted by monique on March 1, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    i laughed so hard, i peed myself. 🙂

    Reply

  68. Posted by Kristi on March 3, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Another gem. Favorite lines this recap? Most any of your quips regarding Jack (whom I love as a character- but in the case of your recaps, he’s a perfect whipping boy)

    (regarding Jack) “You have what it takes.” To do what, I am not sure, but I can already cross two things off the list.

    Claire tells Jin that he could get an infection and that it will spread (take notes, Jack).

    Can’t wait for this week’s recap to come out! Hurry!!!

    Reply

  69. Posted by boba on March 5, 2010 at 6:52 am

    The recap is hilarious but so are the comments you guys have made. Like fighting over what the author meant by ‘Friendlys’ and taking everything so seriously and some people’s reactions when other people reveal information. I like the bits where the author compares Hurley to an ugly chick with a hot friend and this bit: ‘Toga asks how long David has been tickling the ivories. Jack says he doesn’t know. Toga looks angry. In fact, I am pretty sure this is the point where Toga stopped speaking English and started hating white people.’I seriosly cracked up about 20 times reading the recap and the comments. Btw why does the author refer to Flocke as ‘Sad Day Monster’?

    Reply

  70. Posted by [∞CHÄΩS∞] ZEUS- aka Dean Thorpe on March 5, 2010 at 9:42 am

    lol, just spent ages looking for episode 4…haha

    Reply

  71. Don’t feel too bad about the episode mix-up – they routinely have 2-part and 3-part episodes but misinform everyone, it’s a right bugger.

    Especially as my blog works on a “week” basis rather than an episode basis, it seems strange having “week 5” stuff relate to “episode 6”.

    Wow, Kentucky Fried Movie shout-out… you are officially the best blogger ever. (And btw, 3 is a tiny amount of storylines for Lost).

    Haha, probably is why Dogen stopped speaking English!!

    (The “Claire Littleton” thing isn’t a mystery to anyone else btw, just so you know – also if you think hard, you’ll solve it yourself no doubt 🙂 )

    Kudos on finally getting a name right first time (Jin).

    I love that you are already at the stage of giving out weird nicknames to the Smokey Monster (Sad Day Cloud is my personal favourite out of them all, btw).

    (“Take notes Jack” – hilarious!)

    I love how you chastise the writers for making fun of Hurley, then make fun of him yourself 😛 btw if you are interested, Jorge Garcia (the actor who plays Hurley) has an AWESOME blog at http://dispatchesfromtheisland.blogspot.com/ – very funny).

    Finally – wow, your blog is actually LAUGH OUT LOUD funny on several occassions. This is very refereshing and exactly what the last season needs right now. I hope you stick with it to the end. Great job!

    Reply

  72. Posted by leslie on March 5, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    Hilarious blog! I really did laugh out loud at some of the lines in these recaps. The below ding quote made me laugh, but I’m not sure if its a Seinfeld reference (aka “Maybe the dingo ate your baby!”) or not but funny nonetheless.

    “Claire does a great job dressing Jin’s wound and says she is looking for her baby that these guys took. I’m pretty sure a dingo has it but Claire says she is sure they have it because her father and her friend told her so. Claire gets an ax to get some answers. At this point, you should just lie.”

    Reply

    • Buffy reference perhaps?

      Reply

    • Posted by Penngos on March 10, 2010 at 12:12 pm

      Do you all really not recall the episode in 1980 when 9-week old Azaria Chamberlain disappeared from a camping trip and her parents claimed that a dingo had dragged her off? And her parents were eventually tried and convicted of murder? Do we really think it’s related to Buffy or Seinfeld? Gosh, I’m getting old.

      Reply

      • Posted by confused and amused on March 11, 2010 at 1:42 am

        “The dingo ate my baby” – Meryll Streep from her role as an Australian mother whose baby disappears during a camping trip. She is accused of murdering the baby while she claims “The dingo ate her baby”

        Reply

  73. Posted by confused and amused on March 11, 2010 at 1:39 am

    I have only just found this blog but it is FANTASTIC!! I have watched Lost for some years now and whether I saw it or not, I am as clueless as the writers wanted!! I actually laughed out loud whilst reading this…. FABULOUS!!!! THANKS for this. The whole of Season 6 seems beyond my powers of patience but this makes it all worth while!

    Reply

  74. At this point, how many people have ‘track’d and ‘pause’d to find INOMPETENCE written in the greenery outside the temple?

    Reply

  75. Posted by Why do u need to know, stalker? on April 3, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    you skipped 4…. i dont get it.

    Reply

  76. What a great laugh I had reading these posts and all the drama going on here.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: