Episode 8 of the Final Season of LOST

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!  Read this if and only if you have seen the latest episode of Lost.  I’m going to reveal more secrets about the show.  I have exclusive behind the scenes knowledge of the series and where it is going.  Not really, I was just trying to get you to click the continue reading button.  I’m sowwy for lying to you.  Although lying seems to be one of the themes of this episode (see what I did there).

This was supposed to be an emo kid. But I think I just drew a blind robber.

A little behind the scenes of Never Seen Lost.  Typically I scan the pictures in at work.  I’m going on vacation today so I am updating from home.  I found an old drawing pad to do the drawings and found some stuff I drew in high school.  Yikes.  I think I might have been EMO before it was cool.  That of course, is assuming that EMO is cool.  And, ya know, before it involved wearing all black and make up.  I don’t think I know what EMO is.

You can tell I couldn’t think of anything else to write here, can’t you?  You can?  :-/  Well, let’s get started then.

Overall What is Happening
Misogyny. That’s what. In various forms. That apparently was the theme of this week. But we’ll get to that in the details. Cuz that’s where the devil is.

In other news, this show is not about a plane crash. There’s another island that has a really impressive research facility. A bunch of other people live there and have a plane and a submarine. Frankly I have no idea how that plane landed without anything remotely resembling a runway. Maybe that is what they mean when they say “crash”; A landing on a short runway. Hang on. K, just got back from dictionary.com. Crash doesn’t mean “landing on a short runway”. I thought maybe I had figured out how so many people got to these islands through so many “crashes”. Back to the drawing board.

Also, Sawyer apparently didn’t leave the island.  Contrary to what I have been saying the last few weeks.  And Jin is still around.  I had no idea what happened to him. Good to see he is still alive.

More Detailed Episode Recap

Off the island, we open up with Sawyer wrapping up a set of push-ups in bed.  The woman who was counting his reps reminds him he was supposed to meet a guy in 20 minutes.  Quite a night Sawyer has planned.  Sawyer drops his briefcase and a bunch of cash falls out.  The lady ain’t fooled and accuses Sawyer of grifting.  Avoiding any logical progression, she pulls a gun on him.  Sawyer sez “I’m a cop.”  Then he proves it by calling for Miles. I’m rusty on my law knowledge, particularly in the area of entrapment, but it seems like intercoursing with a target in a sting operation will make all of that evidence called into question.  It just seems really unethical when he could have easily dropped the briefcase before gettin’ down.

Back at his desk, we see how boring police work can be as Sawyer is random calling people to find out if they were in Alabama in 1976.  Miles comes back and busts up the monotony by telling Sawyer he is going on a date.  Not taking no for an answer he starts to question whether Sawyer wants to spend his life alone.  Sawyer doesn’t share his real answer, which is “yes, I am knocking boots with women left and right.  Why would I want that to end?”

At a swanky lounge, Sawyer calls up Miles who this chick is he is supposed to meet.  Usually that is a detail you get before the blind date.  Miles says she is the redhead.  That explains why Miles never said anything.  Sawyer approaches her and we find out it is Nicole Kidman. She says she is an archeologist.  Sawyer, having no frame of reference beyond TV and film, asks if she is like Indiana Jones.  She responds “I’m exactly like Indiana Jones.  I even have male genitalia.”  Sawyer calls her bluff and wins.

Sawyer, fulfilling a censor requirement to show one act of non-hate towards women in the episode offers to get Nicole Kidman a glass of water.  She asks for a t-shirt.  Sawyer tells her to look in the top drawer.  While looking for a Rabbitohs t-shirt (gotta be loyal to your team) and trying to figure out why there were only pairs of jeans in this drawer and no t-shirts, she comes across a file labeled “Sawyer”.  Inside is a story about a murder suicide.  Sawyer comes back and flips OUT and starts yellling “WHAT DID YOU SEE!?!?!1?”  Only what you left easily found, chief. He tells her to get the H-E-double-hockeysticks out.   That’ll teach her.  Saywer is left confused and angry at how someone found his file that was randomly sitting in the drawer that he sent someone to in order to find something that was not readily available in the drawer and required some digging.  Got it?  Me neither.

While casually walking through the police station with a look of self satisfaction at treating an innocent Australian women so horribly, Miles confronts him and takes him where any dispute between dudes should happen, the locker room (Top Gun, anyone? I’m gonna pass but thought I should at least offer).  Miles is all like “what did you do?”  “She looked in the wrong drawer.”  Well… no… she didn’t.  You said the top drawer and that is exactly where she looked.  I also don’t think that excuses your behavior.  “What were you doing in Australia?!”  What?  Oh… So, we’re not confronting him about the da- “You said you were in Palm Springs!”  Ok, Miles, I’ll drop it.

Miles, not to be outdone in the unethical department, ran a check on Sawyer’s credit card and found out he went to Australia.  Even though he told Miles he went to Palm Springs.  I don’t know how Sawyer pulled that off.  Australia ain’t exactly a short jaunt away.  Also, who cares if Sawyer goes to Australia?  It’s his own darn business.  Miles disagrees.  He doesn’t trust Sawyer anymore.  He had no problem with him coercing women into sex as part of a police operation while an entire swat team was listening in from a van or yelling at one of his dad’s coworkers and verbally threatening her after making sex because she was looking in a drawer he directed her to; But lying that he was in Australia instead of Palm Springs… Not cool, bro.  Not cool. Miles breaks up with Sawyer and Sawyer punches a mirror.  He probably had a Fight Club moment and just wanted to destroy something beautiful.

Sawyer gets home from a hard day of copping and decides to relax the only way he knows how; with a beer, a Hungry-Man dinner, and Little House on the Prairie.  As tends to happen when mixing this combination, Sawyer has a revelation. He has a little more liquid courage and heads over to Nicole Kidman’s aparment (how’d he get the address?) with a six pack and a sunflower.  His checklist likely looked something like this: Step 1- Get six pack and sunflower.  Step 2- Knock on door.  Step 3- Say “I have a six pack and a sunflower.  Wanna do it?” Step 4- Do it.

Unfortunately for his four step plan, Nicole ain’t havin’ it.  She tells him she doesn’t care if he is sorry, what he did was unacceptable and he can kindly go fly a kite.  She shuts the door on him.  Sawyer leaves the sunflower by her door but the beers are coming with him.

His super power is wooing the ladies.

The next day, Sawyer lures Miles into his car by promising him kittens.  Miles gets in and Sawyer makes an Emmy run of his own by telling him why he has been so grouchy.  He tells him that Sawyer is a grifter… Wait.  Who led to his parents being a two person murder suicide.  No wait.  Miles asks who Sawyer is.  Oh good, Miles asked for me.  His name is Anthony Cooper.  Sawyer (?) had a lead on him in Australia.  Once Sawyer finds Sawyer he will kill him.  Ok.  So I get this in premise.  Sawyer is just a really poorly named real world version of Batman.  Sawyer ruined your life so you asked everyone to call you Sawyer?  Fine dude.  Whatever. At least Batman named himself after his biggest fear not related to his parent’s death.

While in the car this other car smashes into it.  No problem though.  Everyone is fine.  A girl in a hood who is obviously Kate runs away.  Sawyer catches her and throws her against a fence and gets all weird and creepy.  Protocol says he gets to be intimate with her, so maybe that is why he is so happy.

Back on the island, Sawyer heats up some of his own urine to trick Jin into drinking it.  Not a very cool prank.  Jin, still making sense, says they need to get out of there.  Sawyer lets Jin know he is with Locke now.  Jin can’t leave cuz his Old Lady is still on the island (blaming women for not allowing escape, chalk up another one).  Sawyer promises he will not leave Jin’s wife.  Sorry to ruin the future of this show, but you can bet dollars to donuts that this is coming back into play later.

Claire is continuing her mental drive through Insanity Township (they have a Big Boy!) by tending to her skull baby.  Kate asks if this is where she has been living then what up with that creepy skull baby.  Claire says the baby is all she had.  Don’t forget the crappy shanty made of sticks, Claire.  Sad Day Monster shows some compassion and boringness by filling everyone in on the days events.  Claire holds Kate’s hand and flirts with her a bit.  Niiiiiiice.

Sawyer asks Locke when they’re getting off the island.  Great question.  I thought he left already.  Locke asks that they discuss privately.  Locke admits he’s the Sad Day Monster and has a special mission for Sawyer.  Go to Hydra island.  Since that is where his buddies landed and there might be some people over there and do some recon.  Like I said, this show is not about a plane crash.  My advice to Sawyer; Go there.  Get the plane.  Fly it away.

On the island there is a totally dope office complex.  It also has huge cages.  Sawyer finds a dress and gets all emotional.  He probably misses watching Laura Ingalls.

Back on the other island, Sayid’s been licking toads and is completely mellow.  Kate tries to make some small talk and Claire attacks her with a knife.  Locke throws Claire off of her.  Kate doesn’t understand how guns work so she holds one like a baseball bat to protect herself.  Locke smacks Claire in the face.  Hard.  Claire calms down.  Fellas, don’t take this as a lesson in conflict resolution.

Sawyer finds the plane he was looking for.  It’s huge and looks like it landed perfectly with only 200 yards to slow down after touchdown. There’s stuff scattered everywhere and I think they are filming a Capital One and Bud Light commercial on this same set later today.  Sawyer follows a beverage cart trail and comes across a pile of passed out drunks.  They smell terrible.  There’s a rustle.  Sawyer turns to see what it is.  Turns out it’s a nerdy librarian.  And she’s the only one left.  That means it’s up to them to repopulate the Earth.  Coulda done a lot worse, Sawyer.

Her name is Zoey.  She knew everyone on her plane.  She asks Sawyer what plane he came in on and he says “long story”.  In fact, to this point, we’re about 8 hours into it and he still hasn’t gotten to that portion of the story.  We learn that Zoey was on a plane crash and waiting to be rescued.  She was out collecting wood (easy, Sawyer) and heard screaming.  When she got back they were all dead.  She asks Sawyer some questions like did everyone come from the same plane crash to which Sawyer answers no.  I would be shocked if I were her.  In fact, I am shocked.  What do you mean you were on different planes?  So we’re talking at lease three crashes at this point all within a 10 mile radius of one another in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.  Come. On.   She asks how many people there are, if they have guns, etc.  Sawyer asks where she was headed.  She says Guam. “Why?”  “To see my boyfriend.” “Liar. No way you have a boyfriend.” Ouch.  I feel bad for this girl that the concept of her having a boyfriend completely exposed her as a fraud.    She whistles and a bunch of nerds with guns pop out of the bushes and capture Sawyer.  He asks nerd librarian if her name was really Zoey.  She asks if his is really Sawyer.  Unfortunately for me, he doesn’t answer.  But I think the answer is no.

Yay! Sad Day Monster's mom made us cookies! Thanks, Mrs. Sad Day Monster!

Sad Day Monster finds Kate and takes blame for Claire being crazy.  Kate and Locke have a nice moment looking out on the other island.  Kate says they were the islands where they were locked in cages.  Ok. Locke then says that he had a mom once.  She went crazy.  He’s trying to work through Growing Pains (I dunno, Locke, I find the show entertaining).  Kate wants to know why he is telling her this.  He says because Aaron has a crazy mother too.  Damn right he does.

As they’re escorting Sawyer through the woods we find more nerds setting up a colorful mallet. There are nerds all over the place on this island.  They take Sawyer to the submarine ride at Disneyworld and tell him to get in.  I don’t know if Sawyer has ever been on this ride, but it is a delight.  It blew my mind later on when I found out that it didn’t actually go underwater.  Although that is probably a much safer and efficient way to do the ride.

Sawyer meets with an older dude named Charles Woodball.  Chaz says he wants to kill Sad Day Monster.  Sawyer says he will help as long as his buddies don’t get hurt and he gets to go home.  Charles agrees.  “And why should I trust you.” “For the same reason I trust you.”  Hey guys, can you tell me what that is?  I have no way of knowing.  No? Cool.

Claire finds Kate and apologizes.  Kate let’s Claire hug her.  That’s it, just letting you know.

Sawyer gets back to the other island where Locke sprightly runs out to help dock the boat.  Apparently Locke knows Charles Whitmore and apparently his last name is Whitmore.  Sawyer, being a terrible liar (contrary to Locke’s praise earlier) spills the beans on the deal he made on Nerd Island.  Sad Day Monster asks why he is telling him this.  “A deal is a deal.”  Didn’t you just make a deal with Charles?  It’s fine if you did, I just want to be clear that you can’t use that as your excuse if you are going to go back on another separate deal.

That night, Kate is bored so she decides to play with fire.  Sawyer approaches and makes a joke about her cooking (misogyny).  Sawyer, proving he loves to over share, tells Kate everything about the other island.  He says he’ll let them fight it out and the two of them will escape.  Not in the plane, but in the submarine.  The episode ends before we hear Kate’s response of “That’s the worst plan I’ve ever heard.  You think you can drive a submarine? Idiot.”

Thoughts I Have

  • Sawyer is a terrible police office.  Remember when he saw Kate in the elevator at the airport and helped her escape?  What up with that?
  • How many Australians are living in Los Angeles?  They’re everywhere.
  • Gold star for anyone who gets that Fight Club reference above.
  • This plane with no runway thing is the first time in this show that I haven’t believed something they did.  I can get on board with a malicious rain cloud, but this plane that somehow is perfectly intact sitting on this island with no signs of having landed is where I stop believing (sorry Journey).

Alright. I'll leave it alone now.

122 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Publicola on March 17, 2010 at 9:35 am

    Although, it has not been said yet, there is a runway and it was built by Jacob’s people with a little help from Sawyer and Kate.

    Reply

    • Hush! If I could cover his eyes from these comments I surely would. People seem to think that this blogger’s life would be richer if he knew about the cage loving and landing strip building. But I assure you, it would not!

      Reply

    • Posted by Liz on March 17, 2010 at 11:15 am

      Is that what they were working on a few seasons back when they were captured and in those cages?

      Reply

    • Someone should really be filtering out his comments from idiots like you.

      Reply

      • Posted by Matt on March 23, 2010 at 1:06 am

        Yeah, well you’re the idiot that actually believes he hasn’t watched this before and it isn’t satire.

        Reply

        • And what tells you he’s seen this before? People keep acting as though they know he’s seen LOST before, but no one offers a shred of evidence to prove it.

          Reply

  2. Posted by Monica on March 17, 2010 at 9:47 am

    I hate to break it to you, but in previous seasons, it was explained that a runway had been built on that island. Not going to be a spoiler and say anthing else, but just thought you should know.

    However, I love that the lack of runway is th first thing you have questioned so far! Especially love your blog! Keep up the good, laughter-inducing work!

    Reply

  3. Posted by Lakshmi on March 17, 2010 at 9:56 am

    haha…woodball??!!…whitmore??!!its WIDMORE!anyways a hilarious post as usual…it keeps getting funnier and funnier as we go along…keep it up!

    Reply

  4. Well done, your posts just keep getting better and better. I swear these days I look forward to your recaps more than the actual episodes, and this is from someone who’s loving season 6 so far.

    ps. Your Toga tribute made me cry a bit.

    Reply

  5. Posted by resa12 on March 17, 2010 at 10:15 am

    “Sawyer is just a really poorly named real world version of Batman”

    This is freaking awesome. I’m giggling away at my desk. Fabulous. That whole paragraph was hilarious.

    Reply

  6. Posted by eman on March 17, 2010 at 10:31 am

    i immediately IMed the Fight Club reference to all of Project Mayhem. take care of yourself, as you have broken the first rule about Fight Club….

    Reply

  7. Posted by Gawler on March 17, 2010 at 11:10 am

    “Why?” “To see my boyfriend.” “Liar. No way you have a boyfriend.” Ouch. I feel bad for this girl that the concept of her having a boyfriend completely exposed her as a fraud.

    That was hilarious

    Reply

  8. Did you not notice that on Sawyer’s cop desk there was a nameplate that said “Det. James Ford”?

    Reply

  9. Posted by KellyT on March 17, 2010 at 11:35 am

    First off, I want my gold star. Poor Jared Leto…

    Anyhoo, more awesomeness above. Awesome awesomeness, even- yes, I will go that far. I was reading this at work which is always a bad idea when I laugh out loud; people think I’m crazy. Or, well… crazier might be more accurate.

    “Sawyer gets home from a hard day of copping and decides to relax the only way he knows how; with a beer, a Hungry-Man dinner, and Little House on the Prairie. ” Hah!

    Have fun in Vegas. :)

    Reply

  10. Posted by workingmom on March 17, 2010 at 11:50 am

    Great review – I chuckled many times.

    “Hang on. K, just got back from dictionary.com. Crash doesn’t mean “landing on a short runway”. ”

    ROTFL. And I think you have the makings of a true Lost fan since you can accept things like smoke monsters but can nitpick the physics of an unlikely safe plane landing.

    “Sawyer leaves the sunflower by her door but the beers are coming with him.” I noticed that right away too.

    Reply

    • Posted by MajorMajorMajor on March 17, 2010 at 11:37 pm

      You do realize the point of this blog is that he doesn’t know anything about the previous seasons of LOST, right? You don’t have to feel entitled to correct him just because you know something he doesn’t.

      Reply

  11. Posted by Benoit on March 17, 2010 at 11:55 am

    Oups, i mean the “plane”.

    Reply

  12. Your pictures are getting better! More pictures, please.

    Reply

  13. Posted by Sophia on March 17, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    OMG I just laughed all the way through your post, I should definitely start reading this at work.
    It’s getting better every week, keep up, and pleaase consider going backwards once season 6 is off!

    Reply

  14. Posted by Kristi on March 17, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    Hydra Island will henceforth be referred to as “Nerd Island”. Love it.

    Reply

  15. Posted by Kris10 on March 17, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    “What do you mean you were on different planes? So we’re talking at lease three crashes at this point all within a 10 mile radius of one another in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Come. On.”

    lol.

    Reply

  16. Posted by Beth on March 17, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    Hey, did you notice that one of the gunmen on the island was grown-up Chip from Kate and Allie?

    Reply

  17. I hope I get a gold star, ’cause I got the reference. =D

    This cracks me up. Love your reviews. I hope you had a good trip. =)

    Reply

  18. I run to your blog every Wednesday waiting for your analysis of the episode. I’m going to be as sad about this blog being over as I will be about LOST being over!

    Reply

  19. Posted by Ian Austin on March 17, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Please. Stop filling this guy in on ‘what’ happened and ‘when’ it happened.

    The blog is someone who HASN’T followed Lost trying to make sense of it. It’s funny because of how incoherent the show is to a non-viewer… the second context is given then the humour is lost.

    To that end, great post. Sheer hilarity.

    Reply

  20. Posted by Aimz on March 17, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    “Sayid’s been licking toads and is completely mellow”

    Awesome. Maybe I can get some of those toads for next week’s show. It will totally help me understand it. Doooood.

    Reply

  21. Posted by Tiffany on March 17, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Perhaps your best recap yet :)

    Reply

  22. Posted by paranoid android on March 17, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    I’d have to watch it again, but I’m pretty sure Redhead Lady was looking in the wrong drawer.
    The idea of her borrowing a shirt from Sawyer is still bizarre, though. Every long-term fan knows Sawyer doesn’t HAVE any shirts!

    Reply

    • Posted by Scottie on March 17, 2010 at 4:40 pm

      She was, Sawyer told her to look in the drawer on the right, she was in the left one.

      Reply

      • Well, he said, “Top drawer, on the right.” And she was looking in a top drawer on the righthand side. I guess he meant the bureau on the right though. Simple mistake. (I am packing my bags for a trip to Nerd Island now.)

        Reply

      • Posted by LoveSawyer on March 18, 2010 at 8:26 am

        Didn’t it seem like she was searching really frantically for someone just looking for a shirt?

        Reply

  23. Posted by Punch Yourself on March 17, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    Sadly for Sawyer, the supercop story wasn’t working after all.

    Reply

  24. Posted by Jessica on March 17, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    Dude, if you still don’t know what Sawyer’s real name is after watching this episode, you’re really not paying attention. They said (or printed) it like 3 times!

    Reply

  25. Posted by Elaine on March 17, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    “Kate doesn’t understand how guns work so she holds one like a baseball bat to protect herself.” Hahahahaha, I can’t stop laughing about this one.

    Reply

  26. Posted by Simon on March 17, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    Charlotte (“Nicole Kidman”) is British (English), not Australian. But the more you get wrong, the funnier it is! Keep up the good work!

    P.S. To the other long-term fans out there- am I missing something with that ending? “We’re taking the sub” is possibly the lamest ending of a Lost episode ever, but was delivered as though it should have had impact. I’m with our blogger on this one, I don’t get it. It gave a good episode a really anti-climactic ending.

    Reply

  27. Posted by Rerun on March 17, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    Sawyer asks where she was headed. She says Guam. “Why?” “To see my boyfriend.” “Liar. No way you have a boyfriend.” Ouch. I feel bad for this girl that the concept of her having a boyfriend completely exposed her as a fraud.

    This is the classic from this week’s recap.

    Also enjoyed: She was out collecting wood (easy, Sawyer) and heard screaming.

    Yeah, and everyone stop trying to ruin it by telling him stuff.

    Reply

  28. Posted by Juliet's Rock on March 17, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    I’ve been enjoying this blog every week! Love it – please keep it up. Can’t wait to hear your take on the finale.

    Reply

  29. Posted by Tatiana on March 17, 2010 at 5:09 pm

    “Back on the island, Sawyer heats up some of his own urine to trick Jin into drinking it. ” => best line ever!!! (and the funniest thing is, I also thought of urine when I saw him heating the stuff…

    Reply

  30. “He probably misses watching Laura Ingalls.”

    A ha hahahahha!

    But… yeah. Even though you’ve never watched the previous seasons of Lost before, I had the same issues with this episode you had, Papa Durbin. Perhaps the timelines … are starting to converge.

    Reply

  31. Posted by oldfarmer on March 17, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    LMAO once again. Thanks.

    Reply

  32. Posted by Murat on March 17, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    ”Kate doesn’t understand how guns work so she holds one like a baseball bat to protect herself.”

    Absolutely hilarious – keep it up!

    Reply

  33. Posted by Christine on March 17, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    Charlotte (the redhead) actually did look in the wrong drawer because he told her to look in the top right drawer and she looked in the top left

    Reply

  34. Posted by SunnyHawaii on March 17, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    This blog is better than the show last night. Booorrrrriinnnggggg. The only thing ‘fun’ is identifying where they filmed in Hawaii. A little side game I play with myself when it gets boring. I even watched during my lunch hour the filming of the Sayhid-centric episode when he was captured in some strange city, but they blurred out all the American references in the background. I thought it was funny when they soldiers marched him towards their barricade, they were going down an office building first floor that ends in a dead end with a bunch of public phone banks. Thanks for identifying that Chipper guy, when I saw him I knew he was a child star but didn’t get the association. I hope next week is better, this one was a yawner. I love the blogger’s recap, I put it in my fave list, mahalo!

    Reply

  35. Posted by Joe on March 17, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    I know it’s been said a few times, but this is the best paragraph you have written so far in this blog:

    Sawyer asks where she was headed. She says Guam. “Why?” “To see my boyfriend.” “Liar. No way you have a boyfriend.” Ouch. I feel bad for this girl that the concept of her having a boyfriend completely exposed her as a fraud. She whistles and a bunch of nerds with guns pop out of the bushes and capture Sawyer. He asks nerd librarian if her name was really Zoey. She asks if his is really Sawyer. Unfortunately for me, he doesn’t answer. But I think the answer is no.

    Hahaha! Classic!

    Reply

  36. Posted by lulz on March 17, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    Miles breaks up with Sawyer and Sawyer punches a mirror. He probably had a Fight Club moment and just wanted to destroy something beautiful.

    It’s true, Sawyer’s real name is Angel Face.

    Reply

  37. Posted by Chuck on March 17, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    “Kate doesn’t understand how guns work so she holds one like a baseball bat to protect herself.”

    ROFL!!!

    By the way, the people in these comments who keep trying to correct the factual errors seriously need to get a life.

    Reply

  38. Posted by Greg on March 17, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PEOPLE QUIT DISCUSSING THE ACTUAL EVENTS OF THE SHOW!! The whole point that makes this funny is our dear friend here is in a shit storm of confusion between Sad Day Monster (for some reason I want to call him Isaac) and Nerd Island as he continues to repress his obvious obsession with Sawyer’s abs.

    P.S. My roommate can tell every time I read this blog due to the uproarious laughter.

    Reply

  39. It’s all about the shirtless Sawyer/Ford/LaFleur

    Reply

  40. Posted by Leah on March 18, 2010 at 8:18 am

    WOODBALL?!!!

    “Kate doesn’t understand how guns work so she holds one like a baseball bat to protect herself.”

    In trying to suppress my laughter from my coworkers I wound up spitting water out of my nose! I”m DYING this is so damn funny! Thanks so much because as a die hard LOST fan, I really look forward to reading this every week! I’m casting another vote for working the blog backwards through the seasons.

    PS: I’m also a huge Chuck Palahniuk fan so I want my gold star for getting the Fight Club reference, too!

    Reply

  41. Posted by brody on March 18, 2010 at 8:31 am

    normally im just as down as everyone to hear the ridiculous things you come up with and say on your blog…
    but thinking charlotte was australian? come on, how can you mistake two distinct accents? and i can only hope you were joking when you called her nicole kidman.

    Reply

    • Posted by Signorafosca on March 18, 2010 at 9:07 am

      WOW could we be a little more of a snob? Some people have lives outside of making sure they know everything ever.

      Reply

      • Posted by sandy on February 3, 2012 at 7:44 am

        Or maybe instead of knowing everything ever, they can easily differentiate between those two accents (maybe because they’re either Australian or British) and so it’s crazy to them that someone else couldn’t. They are pretty different accents, I was surprised he thought she was Australian. Especially considering Claire – he knows she’s Australian and they sound nothing alike.

        Reply

  42. Posted by Jaime on March 18, 2010 at 10:31 am

    Love the Rabbitohs shout out!

    Reply

  43. Posted by Beema on March 18, 2010 at 11:09 am

    Reading your episode reactions is the only thing making this pathetic season of Lost bearable. Thank you my good man, you bring smiles to the sadness!

    Reply

  44. Posted by Beema on March 18, 2010 at 11:27 am

    Forgot to say:
    “The episode ends before we hear Kate’s response of ‘That’s the worst plan I’ve ever heard. You think you can drive a submarine? Idiot.’ ”

    awesome. totally how I felt. to imply that piloting a submarine is somehow easier than flying a plane is absurd, not to mention that was the lamest cliffhanger in TV history.

    Reply

    • Posted by Mike on March 19, 2010 at 7:28 pm

      I don’t think that was implied at all.

      There are people who know how to pilot the sub with Widmore’s group. Sawyer and Kate have guns. “Get us to the mainland or we will shoot you.”

      Reply

  45. Posted by DS on March 18, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    “Sawyer gets back to the other island where Locke sprightly runs out to help dock the boat.”

    Hey, you noticed that too?? Ha ha ha…I thought it was SO funny…Locke looked like a giddy little schoolgirl when he did that little hop and a skip down to the water’s edge to meet Sawyer!

    For anybody that didn’t notice that moment…watch the scene again…you’ll see.

    Reply

  46. Posted by Wizardo on March 18, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    “Sawyer gets home from a hard day of copping and decides to relax the only way he knows how; with a beer, a Hungry-Man dinner, and Little House on the Prairie. As tends to happen when mixing this combination, Sawyer has a revelation.”

    YES! WTS is Sawyer doing watching Little House and getting plastered with a sunflower? Are cops even allowed to carry flowers in public?

    And what’s with all the product placement all of a sudden – that’s like 4 TV Dinners as main characters in this season alone!

    Reply

  47. Posted by Lindsay on March 18, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    One of these days I am going to get brave enough to read one of your posts before I’ve seen the latest episode.

    Reply

  48. Posted by Canucklehead on March 18, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    Marry me?

    Reply

  49. [...] Episode 8 of the Final Season of LOST SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!  Read this if and only if you have seen the latest episode of Lost.  I’m going to reveal [...] [...]

    Reply

  50. Posted by Z on March 18, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    Oh man, I teared up laughing at the Laura Ingalls reference to the dress and at “Charles Woodball.” Excellent stuff this week. But if you’re going to spell one name right, make it Zoe :-)
    -Zoë

    Reply

  51. Posted by Mercedes on March 18, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    Best Line: Claire is continuing her mental drive through Insanity Township (they have a Big Boy!)

    I love Big Boys! Are you from the midwest?

    Reply

  52. Posted by Heather B on March 19, 2010 at 4:07 am

    Oh my god, I might have broken a rib laughing. As much as I really enjoyed seeing Sawyer and Miles as cops in this episode they are totally unethical. How did you get this evidence officer? You were making the beast with two backs? Case dismissed. LOL

    Where is this Insanity Township, I could really go for a Bob’s big boy breakfast right about now with my crazy friend Claire.

    Reply

  53. Posted by Ricky on March 19, 2010 at 7:43 am

    Sawyer is a terrible police office… He just can’t make it as an institutional building… XD

    Reply

  54. Posted by philw1776 on March 19, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    What’s hilarious is that many readers don’t ‘get’ that the blogger really HAS watched LOST for years and done so with brilliant insight. And those commenters who take offense at the blogger’s non-PC references and deliberate ‘misunderstandings’ (Hugo fat jokes, Said (sic) Indian, Nicole Kidman) are the funniest of all.

    Outstanding blog.

    Reply

  55. Others have said that this guy really has watched LOST, but no one proves so. Do you know this for a fact, and if so, how?

    Either way, it’s hilarious.

    Reply

    • Posted by philw1776 on March 19, 2010 at 6:51 pm

      It’s obvious, my dear Lisa

      Reply

      • Posted by Jason on March 19, 2010 at 7:54 pm

        Funny how some people think that an answer to an argument is to simply state that something is “obvious”. Unless you have some empirical evidence, let’s just keep our opinions to ourselves, shall we?

        Reply

        • Posted by philw1776 on March 20, 2010 at 12:42 pm

          This may come as an utter shock to you Jason, but a major function of a blog and comments is to state one’s opinions. Really, it is.

          Reply

  56. Posted by Callie Smoke on March 19, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    okay, im dead serious. you must be drunk when you write this stuff. and if u are, its working. i fell onto the floor a minute ago cuz i was laughing so hard.

    Reply

    • Posted by philw1776 on March 19, 2010 at 6:57 pm

      “Claire holds Kate’s hand and flirts with her a bit. Niiiiiiice.”

      I thought so too, but hey just last week the blogger was concerned about LOST becomming gay porn. I guess Lesbo porn is OK though? Miles was right. Claire IS hot. Maybe the producers will treat us to a mud wrestling scene with Kate and Claire.

      Reply

  57. Posted by Why do u need to know, stalker? on March 19, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    have u seen desmond yet? he’s some retard with no life so he sits at the bottom of a hole and pushes a button all day. and he thinks its a smart idea.

    Reply

    • Posted by philw1776 on March 19, 2010 at 6:53 pm

      Given that the ENTIRE purpose of this blog is someone who supposedly has never seen LOST but is watching the final season, no he has supposedly NOT seen Desmond.

      Maybe in another life, brutha.

      Reply

  58. Okay, I’ll bite. What made it obvious to you? I’m really curious.

    Also, Desmond was in the first episode.

    Reply

  59. Posted by Annie on March 19, 2010 at 9:27 pm

    The EMO drawing is spot on. Love it.

    Reply

  60. Posted by Missjoke on March 19, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    “Kate doesn’t understand how guns work so she holds one like a baseball bat to protect herself.”

    Hysterical! I laughed out loud in various paragraphs.

    Keep it up please!

    Reply

  61. Impeccible. Anyone who is not reading your website is missing out on something special.

    Loved the Fight Club reference. I think your analysis is spot-on – he did direct her to that drawer, Miles is being a lunatic, “but the six-pack is coming with me” lol it’s all great, please keep doing this – you make the Lost experience that much more enjoyable :)

    – Chris
    – superduperstream.blogspot.com
    – twitter.com/SDstream

    Reply

  62. This is a riot! I just found your site today, and I can’t believe I have already missed 8 of your recaps. I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard reading a blog in a long time.

    I especially love your references to the “Sad Day Monster.” When I do my Lost recaps, I never know what to call that “thing.” Is it Locke? Nu-Locke? Flocke? Smokey? Nemesis? Evil? Esau? Mr. Clean on a Bender? What the heck is it? Don’t the Lost writers know that people need to write blogs about this show? Can’t they make it easier on us?

    You have solved this problem brilliantly. And you have never even seen the show before this! Go figure!

    I just wanted to stop by and commend you for a hilarious recap. Unfortunately, you have so many friggin comments on here, you will probably never find my praise . . .

    You must have a separate e-mail for this blog, otherwise, I can’t imagine you ever find your REAL mail. Keep up the awesomeness . . .

    Reply

  63. Posted by Marty on March 21, 2010 at 10:41 am

    Keep rockin’ it, dude, but this blog isn’t nearly as funny now that you’re starting to get a clue as to what’s going on in the show. Ignorance was much funnier. Maybe you should hand-off to the other person on the planet who has never seen the show for the rest of the seasons? I dunno. Can you blog from Turkish prisons?

    Reply

  64. Posted by Patrick Rader on March 21, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    I have just discovered your blog (thanks i09)…I began watching Lost about episode six of this season. My girlfriend and many of our friends are “Losties” and I often suffer public shame and humiliation at their hands. While I have yet to form an opinion on the show, I do like the discussion and sense of community it has created here on the interwebs and in people’s living rooms. Because, like yourself, I ask many questions throughout an episode, I have been shunned by my peers on “Lost” airing nights. I feel my questions are legitimate, and I’m grateful for this venue where I can at least pose my questions to a group where at least some members may share playful confusion. In response to those that would tell me to watch previous seasons, I say, “this way is much more fun.”

    1. What’s the deal with Mack from “Always Sunny in Philadelphia”? How’d he get on this show?
    2. The guy from “The Stepfather” is a monster, dead, a paraplegic, a dick, a cool dude, married to Peg Bundy?
    3. What’s up with the mayor from “Dark Knight” and the hobbit?
    4. There are exactly how many timelines/ plane crashes/islands/groups of survivors/immortal dudes

    Reply

  65. Posted by firstanointed on March 21, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    As a LOST fan since it’s inception, I have yet to come across a blog with such pure clarity and wisdom as yours. I can’t fault you your blissful ignorance of piddling details of this show because your fresh, compelling ad hysterical insights into this ridiculous show I love hit me like a bolt of lightning. nobody has ever done it better. HUZZAH.

    – FA

    Reply

  66. Posted by Ellis on March 22, 2010 at 11:56 am

    Oh… so then… the guy writing this has never seen the show? And that’s what makes it funny? Oh. Oh! Ha ha ha.

    Jokes are so much funnier when people explain them to you.

    Reply

  67. Posted by Christine on March 23, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    I want my gold star! Fight Club’s one of my favorite movies lol. You’re still frakking hilarious. Can’t wait till next episode’s recap.

    Reply

  68. Posted by RengeCorrea on March 27, 2010 at 4:21 am

    Sawyer approaches her and we find out it is Nicole Kidman.

    bhahaahaaa .. great alias!! .. great blog!! .. you have me in tears laughing

    Reply

  69. Posted by Flávia on March 31, 2010 at 10:31 am

    “He asks nerd librarian if her name was really Zoey. She asks if his is really Sawyer. Unfortunately for me, he doesn’t answer.”
    Dude, you are great!!!

    Reply

  70. Posted by u haz a fan (iz me) on March 31, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    Oh! Oh! Oh! I love you! I LOOOOVE YOU!!! This is sooooo goood! I HATED this episode and you made it sooooo good! Ooohhh!

    You’re like Charlie Gordon getting smart. It’s beautiful. I love you.

    Haaa… Aaaaah.
    The tribute to Toga was the best thing on the show EVER!!! And the hate for Ben. Oh my. AND EVERYTHING! Aaaah. Sry, but… AAAAAAHHHHHH!

    Reply

  71. I want my gold star! Fight Club’s one of my favorite movies lol. You’re still frakking hilarious. Can’t wait till next episode’s recap.

    Reply

  72. thanks
    very good..

    Reply

  73. Posted by a fan of Lost on May 25, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    I feel like a rebel, posting this so late and all…..
    This is genius, I love the fight club reference, and the pictures! I have no idea how you think of this stuff, but it’s great, thanks for making my month :)

    Reply

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